no blackie. i need meaning.

1/3 through with the black swan and i gave up. it is beyond me. clockwork orange made better sense than this book. this is a far cry from fooled by randomness. this was one of the very few occasions which i didn't even bother to browse through the rest of the book and simply closed it shut (literally, because mine was in soft copy).

i thought i wanted to read something which made more sense, so it's on to this.. man's search for meaning. =)

night review

i finished Elie Wiesel's Night. It is a great book! =)

Found this photo which was described in the book, the gate to the camp which bore the words "Arbeit Macht Frei" (it means Work Sets You Free). How oxymoronic.

Next book, back to The Black Swan.

i got deviated from the next book on the to read list. this is because i spent lunch time reading up about holocaust (just to give me a better understanding of the context which diary of anne frank was written in).

i googled for "good books on holocaust" and found out i have one ebook in my kindle which was rated quite well! therefore, taking a skip from the black swan, my official next read is this:


not a very thick book..so target to complete this by mid or late next week.

read

completed this after a break from it for mags:

this is next on the line..managed to find a soft copy which i can read over my kindle. target to complete? end of the month. will update my next read soon!

define success

a recent sense of aimless awakened me to find goals for my time in the company.

i walked through a shopping mall on the way to my part time work; i was surrounded by youths. it reminded me of my younger years which don't seem too far off. my mummy has never given me excessive pressure on how i should perform in school, but just reminded me to always do my best.

i listened to the standford's commencement speeches steve jobs and oprah made.

he talked about connecting the dots, that we cannot see into the future how things work together. we only start to connect the dots when we look back.

a good education opens doors. i sat on a table with bankers over dinner, one of the analyst (presumably the lowest tier in investment banking) was an imperial college graduate.

while i try to tell myself, how successful you are is not determined by that college certificate (looking at the richest people in the world, not many even graduated from college), but the truth is good education will give you some form of leverage in life.

i haven't had a fabulous education which i can flaunt of but i hope i can still do some catch up now. i am not sure if my non-confrontational personality will be good as i move on..yet i know i don't want to become someone i am not.

ok, back to goals. my short term goal while i serve my "term" is to read tenaciously. i want to devour as much publications as i can. i'm almost done with my outdated bloomberg markets mags, though old editions, still contain relevant information. my company has a library with a reasonable collection of books, open for staff to borrow. i think i should make use of that resource. as dearie works in a tertiary institution now, that literally means i have greater access to even more publications. after i finish my current to-read-list, i am getting dearie to help me borrow bloomberg markets mags regularly for reading.

i've started my garang guni work in office again. i've been getting colleagues to pass me old newspapers which are due for disposal from the racks. those are usually straits times and business time which are 3-5days old. i collect them in a neat pile underneath my table and i read them over lunch. apart from the news websites, these are the sources of current affairs updates. ahh..so much to read but so little time. did i say i want to start reading chinese papers too? never quite got around them too! (haven't seen chinese papers in the office too)

i've been penning my learning into emails and sending them to dearie and bro. i hope i don't bore them off..but i think sharing it helps me learn better..

i listen to definitions of success. everyone define success differently to much extent. i think i should be working harder to earn more. i think i should be saving more. i think i should be more aggressive at work.. but looking back at it, at the end of the day, does it give me the success..or "success" in inverted commas? somehow, i think being happy is important. i am happy when i get to tinkle the ivories..i am happy when i can go for a good run.. i am happy when i can cook for dearie and he finishes all the food. i am happy when i can spend time with family.. do all these fall into the definition of success?

don't want to think too much. i'll just keep up with my learning and reading.. let's see where the road leads to. =)

cert collector

it has been another draining week at work. the long nights make the work feel like it's never ending. let's hope this ends in another 1-2weeks because those involved are over whelmed by the blistering speed reports have to be handed in.

it made me wonder how we can do things better and of course faster.

it made me think if i can do this for years to come.

a recent discussion with a new colleague made me feel life has to be more purposeful than just getting by. i am irritated by the term "cert collector" she used, because i value the learning process over that piece of paper. she probably thinks why have i attained so much academically but still not doing fantastically in my career development.

honestly, i must agree that good career development requires more than just academic qualifications. i have cornered myself by choosing to join my current job. i have no choice but to stay on and make the best of my time here. i tell myself repeatedly, next time it has to be a step forward, no more stepping backwards or staying on the spot anymore.

should i do the cfa is still a question mark. it's more a structured learning than actually getting that title itself, because to attain the title will be almost impossible for now given that i lack of the 4 yrs' relevant experience.

while i get this all figured out, i should be working on my financial model now (stilll not done and it's due soon!)