i want to run

I wish I’m out there running this minute. Just a mere 1hour and 30minutes to go before I leave my workstation behind for the weekends but my heart is already aching to leave my seat this very moment.

The detox plan has worked pretty well for me. The rumbling of my tummy can sometimes feel uncomfortable but the relief of passing the rubbish out is worth it. The little bottle of maple syrup has almost been depleted and perhaps my body doesn’t need such purging any more. Nonetheless I really like the feeling of having a flat tummy and the excretion of waste regularly.

The weather looks beautiful for a swim and run. Let me out. Smell the wind. Break a sweat. I want to feel as beautiful as the weather.

the look that hurt my flabby soul

I walked into a shop at square 2 yesterday to purchase a black top. It’s meant to match my blue skirt that I’ll be wearing for Mike’s wedding next month. All was fine till I was about to make payment, the sales lady (could be lady boss) of the shop asked if I wanted to try the top before buying it. As I was perspiring quite abit after my short 3km jog (which I usually do before the actual velocity run), I replied it’s ok as I won’t want to dirty their garments.

The sales lady then repeated the question sacarstically, “ you sure you don’t want to try first?” and then ran her eyes up and down my physique, seemingly to tell me I would probably NOT fit her clothes. I said it’s ok and asked if the top is very small that I won’t be able to fit. The other sales lady serving me said..should be ok as I’m not THAT fat. I quickly made payment and walked out of the shop, feeling despondent that being in my size won’t be able to fit into something that’s FREE size.

There’s still some bitter after taste of the incident in me right now..and perhaps that’s the straw that I need to enable myself to hold through a proper diet and training programme so that I will “unveil” the slim-o-me cladded under the multi layered flabs.

I’ve got 2 weddings to attend over 2 weekends in October and I certainly hope to be in good shape. Malaysian cousins are the ones whom I usually pale in comparison with, somehow they have the eat-and-not-grow-fat genes in them and their complexion is really good. I’m envious in many ways but I’m also learning that I own things they do not too. Hence, nothing to envy about, just got to learn to be contented.

I must do a good job with the makeup. Get some nice accessories to match my dresses. I must outshine the rest! :)

lean princess, one day

Waking up on a Monday morning is one of the toughest things to do in life. The first thought that comes to mind is, “what? It’s Monday already? Awwww man!”

I had an eventful weekend, spent with my dearie and mummy. Mummy signed me up for a makeover on Saturday and we then mad-rushed to Esplanade for the Chinese orchestra performance. The makeover made me look at myself in the mirror and feel pretty; I wished I looked like that everyday. However, I do recognize it isn’t necessary for me to doll up to that extent on a daily basis. Nevertheless, the Japanese makeup artist(Hirai) and nerdy photographer made me look and feel like a star for a day.

The performance was not too bad, considering all 3 of us did not fall asleep nor decide to let hunger drive us out of the concert hall early during the performance. It had been quite a while since I last attended a performance with my mummy and definitely a first arty-farty event dearie and I are attending together as well.

Raves about the makeover: I got to pick the colour I want and I chose PINK! The make up artist was saying it’s really KAWAII NE! laughs! He did the make up so naturally yet so sweet; I simply loved it. The lady who did the hair made my hair “fly”. Though she looked like she was having fun making a mess out of my hair, the mess does look really stylish. The photo shot came out pretty nice..and I just feel pampered and a little more confident of myself. I secretly wished I was much slimmer; I would probably have worn a sexy tube top and flaunted my slim arms and back. But knowing I’m not of that physique, I hid my tires and flab in the big black shirt bought at ebase during a sale 2 years ago.

Deep within me I really yearn to be slimmer and of course the ultimate goal of being LEAN.. but it feels like a insurmountable endeavour. And the worse thing for me these days is finding the motivation to do something about it hard. I do need a push-off to get my engine started to do something.

I shared with dearie that having lost nearly 4kgs on medication and training made me feel fabulous. I loved to see my arms slim and my face sharpen. Overall, I still managed to keep 1-2kgs of what I lost off thus far but i’m often so tempted to start medication again so that I can regain what I once had. Training is just one component to weight loss; diet still plays a big part. I miss being 46kgs. I was so so so close to hitting my target of 45kgs! The lowest I’ve been so far is 43kgs and that was surviving on 1 scone and water everyday. It wasn’t exactly the most pleasant thing to do..and probably only do-able for students on holiday with nothing better to do. (I did this crazy diet during my holidays after A levels)

It’s ok. My chance starts again today. Everyday I’m given a chance to try being lean. It’s a life long pursue. Keep trying, keep going. One day I will succeed to become a lean princess. One day.

p.s: dearie is going to say he’s tired of listening to me say the same o’things every day. But I really can’t help it coz this is something rooted in me. = (

little snaps in my pocket

Have I told you about the new camera dearie and I have been ogling at? Tadah!! It’s the Olympus 790 sw. What attracted us is its waterproof and shockproof functions which is perfect for our trips and races. I miss having a camera to bring around. My Nikon has been given to my dad. The second hand Minolta failed me miserably. The DSLR is too much a monster to fit into my bag. Meantime, my sony ericsson handphone has been doubling up as a camera..but if finances permit, I would certainly hope to get one I can bring around. I wonder how does the Olympus fit? Maybe it might just be the one i need. Gee, why must these little cameras cost soooo much? time to look out for lucky draws that give out digital cameras as prizes. What’s better? Strike enough 4D to buy one! (ahhh..i can feel a premonition coming.. ooooo..)

my prince with his red Honda

my prince with Red Honda, as promised

Prince in red Honda

Several times last night I kept waking up. Thank goodness I could exercise self discipline and NOT walk out to the kitchen for a bite. It’s all in the mind, indeed. Had a nice breakfast of cereals (Nestle Fitnese bought by dearie). it’s nice eating breakfast guilt-free.. if I have munched through the night, I’ll probably wake up feeling lousy and angry about myself.

Tomorrow’s the annual dinner for outdoor venture. I’ll be able to reach rtc at 6pm..so I’ve got almost 1 hour of idle time, not knowing what to do. rtc is smack in the middle of no where, no shopping malls, no running tracks. Sheesh!

Got to do my long run tomorrow morning as I foresee myself eating quite a fair bit at the annual dinner. o_O

I realized that the person closest to me sometimes is like a mirror to me - one which shows me my own blind spots. Today dearie reminded me something important – not to be distracted by too many things. I have a tendency to be overly keen to try new things. like a child running through the isles of Toys R us with an empty cart eager to throw lots of toys into it... like a glutton trying to fill his plate at a buffet to get every cent worth; I sometimes pile up way too much. He made me realize that we only have this limited amount of time, having commitments and priorities, we can’t always do ALL the things we want to. I agree to it fully and somehow, that gentle knock on my head straightened my little-child syndrome.

He’s not just a mirror to me, he’s also a team mate to me. when I’m on the verge of throwing in the towel, he is the one who would tell me to press on. He would hold my hand and lead me to continue the race. He’s a training buddy to me – slows down to be at pace with me and sings to me when the road ahead seems never ending. (I call him backside boy since he sings tunes from the backstreet boys pretty often). He’s a cuddle bear to me – providing a hug that warms my heart. He doesn’t mind me wetting his shirt with tears and would call me silly gal when I cry. He’s a guinea pig to me – tasting all the weird recipes I come up with..and not minding rice that gooey like mashed potatoes. =P he’s a lot more which words cannot represent nor anything can replace.. he’s Billy – my dearie, my prince in red Honda. (in the photo, red running singlet :) )

Addendum:

I have a photo of him with his red Honda, I promise I’ll post that up soon!

And yea.. my update on the survival of the $1? I only managed 1 day…coz I had to swipe nets to get some first day supplies soon after.

The hands of a clock runs

Time and tide waits for no man. Ok..confess, how often have you said to yourself or someone around you, “I have no time”. In my case, pretty often. It has become such a habit to say “no time no time”. For this, God is fair. Everyone has 24hours alike, not a minute more, not a second less. So if half the population can have sufficient time to achieve what they set out to do, why can’t I? so, the crux of matter boils down to the prioritization. How important is making time for a run to you? Is spending time with your loved one something you treasure? What are your goals in life? To own a platinum card?

Platinum cards.. I encounter so many of them in my course of part time work. The question to myself is when will I own one too? But so often I retreat back to my stand in life that I will not want to own a credit card because I don’t find a need at this point in time. A debit card serves it purpose well.

I’m working. And I hope I’ll gradually work myself up to achieve better financial independence. Concurrently, I treasure quality time with my loved ones. One thing I regret not doing enough is spending time with my nephew. He’s a lovely toddler and I hope I can grow up with him. I resolve to make time to spend with him weekly. It’ll be sad if my nephew grows up and doesn’t know me in his life.

So, what is worth your time and effort that you would portion a part of your life to include it in? what is it driven by?

On a final note, it’s a pleasant thing to know, reading my blog is worth your time.

ahh...the photo is my lovely nephew and my mummy..=)

Pizza up for running

Last week, I managed to clock 44km of run. Should have done a little more if I had been able to wake up to run to work on Sunday (I am not blaming the rain because it’s more of me than the rain) i totally skipped all the speed training, only managing to do distance running. I pushed hard on Tuesday’s run, thanks to the pizza treat by my boss. From that, i realize my POWERfood for performance is most probably – pizza.

I do have to clock more mileage as the year end run events are fast approaching. Geee! I’ll have to skip interval training on Wednesday as we’re going for outdoor venture’s annual dinner. Interval training is always constrained by the opening hours of the track. Other alternatives must be sought out. The track closes 8.30pm..opens at 6am. If we don’t leave home by 7.15pm to the track, we barely have sufficient time to do intervals. I hate such constraints! Argh!

Been craving for mooncake these days.. dearie and I shared 2 habourcity mooncakes yesterday. Woooo..sinking my teeth into them is absolutely euphoric. But the aftermath of such indulgence is the appearance of blubber which encapsulates my “should have been” slim figure. And since I don’t reside in the arctic, blubber isn’t necessary at all. Thus, the quest to eliminate begins..again.

fat. Often I lament..oh Lord, why can’t I be slim? Or ..why don’t you make all of us slim..then we’ll probably save a lot on gym membership, slimming pills and slimming gels. With absolute childlikeness, I pray hard for a slim figure before I sleep each night, hoping I would wake up with elle macpherson’s figure. To my dismay, each day, I only to wake up next day feeling all disappointed. Oh well, blubber stays. Slim figure, no where to be found. And so the lamenting begins again.

Give me a dial to my metabolic rate.. so I can eat and then quickly burn it off!

Haha. I ought to do something about it. Maybe we should just live on manna. With canola spread please. =P

The Arctic warmed my heart

140907: I watched Arctic Tale with dearie. in my view, it’s a refreshing movie to watch, something that stands out among all the animation and action movies that flood cinemas these days. There were only less than 2 handfuls of people who were with us that evening to catch this movie. Not a highly raved about movie, no big stars, just a movie that brings to us a part of the world seldom seen.. or even a part of the world I might never get to see in my lifetime.. it’s about how this world is experiencing change, because what man is doing in other parts of this globe, somehow affects them in a way more than one. It’s about the cycle of life, as all creatures on earth go through: birth, growth, independence, survival, mating, giving birth and eventually death. And this cycle repeats itself over and over again, whether you are human and animal. According to dearie, the couple who filmed this movie spent 15 years at the arctic to capture all we saw that evening. It was amazing as we wondered how they managed to capture those scenes of blizzard and how they would have traveled along with the polar bear and walrus.

For most young people out there who would run away from a documentary like plague.. asking them to spend $8 on a show with NO Hollywood star is almost a taboo and National Geographic brings a yawn.. but if you’re someone who’ll like a glimpse at how magnificent God has made this world, especially of the Arctic which we do not get to see everyday, please catch this movie.

survival of the $1 coin

News travelled of the commotion somewhere in the heart of the island. I feel disturbed to how sometimes a fear of being displaced can translate into such ugly actions. He’s a nice person, who is flexible and helpful. Doesn’t throw air around and pretty crappy at times. She’s a nice person to work with too, just a recent change of attitude leaves me wondering. Is he really such a threat to her? After some consideration, I do think working with him is a more pleasant than her. the other non-threat guy is more of a easy going, messy-at-times, lad. Nothing impressive of him to make her feel threatened, unlike the former guy, who holds himself well.

Work politics. I think I’ll want to remain neutral and help the first guy as much as possible in order to refrain getting any complaints from her. maybe she’s missing japan guy too much. Messy guy calls it pms.

I don’t like the way she’s behaving. Like dearie said, we’re all here working for a living, why make life so difficult for one another? After all we’re all colleagues.. and she’s not the boss, take it easy la.. work as a team, it’s definitely much better than trying to throw her weights in order to get her way. Haha.. talk about weight, she definitely has a lot more weight to throw around.

Okok..enough of bad mouthing.. I think I like the way my office and my mum’s shop operates. We help each other..and everyone does a little bit.. That speeds things up a lot more.

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While I was fighting to stay awake at work yesterday, I had a sudden craving to lei cha.. an hakka dish which is known to be healthy as it’s makes use of a lot of mint, basil, long beans and tau kwa.

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A question for the day:

Look into your wallet now.. how much cash do you have in it now? I mean cold hard cash in note or coin form?

Are you someone who likes to bring at least $100 around to make sure you can pay for anything that comes up or are you someone who can just survive with less than $10 in your wallet?

Are you someone who would quickly withdraw money from the atm once the ‘reserves’ in your wallet falls below a certain limit? Or are you someone who will deplete all the reserves before reimbursing it with more?

Do you fear having not enough in your wallet? Does it leave you insecure?

I have $16 in my purse right now. Out of that, $15 I’ve got to pay to yanni for the shape run registration later. After which I’ll probably be left with only $1 in my purse.

I’ve gone through 1 week with only $2 in my wallet..and I survived? How did I do that? I took breakfast at home, I brought lunch from home and I’m always home for dinner. With little or no money in my purse, that holds me back from splurging on things I don’t need. This works better if I leave my atm cards at home..but I stopped doing so coz there are really some circumstances which I do need spare cash at hand.

Not having a lot taught me to never take things for granted..and I learnt to use whatever I have sparingly. And dearie taught me to save half of whatever I have and only use the remaining sparingly. So now that I only have $1 in my pocket, I should save $0.50 and only use $0.50. haha.. think about it..what can I possibly get with $0.50 these days?

p.s: stay tuned to my blog if you want to find out how many days I can survive with $1. survival. Outplay, outwit and outlast, with $1.

pig out days

Busy day at work. I tossed and turned in bed, reluctant to wake up.. thankfully dearie was persistent enough to “nag” me awake.. else I’ll probably have to feign sick for the day. –sniggles-

Mondays are the worse days in a week. Because weekends are always fully packed with work and helping out at mum’s, getting up on Mondays can really be quite a challenge.

Guobin has kindly helped us set up our 2 bikes in time for the race. Wow..it’s really a dream riding on my “new” bike yesterday night. The shifting was great, unlike before, which it kept getting jammed. The new frame’s reach for me is also nearer than the frm. We’ve planned to go mandai with our bikes on Wednesday night, after interval training, just to get used to the bikes. Thank you Guobin, for all the help! Really love our black beauties! =)

The north face buy out is taking forever to realize. i’m not pinning any hope on it to be on time for the race.

We’ve decided to go for the genting trailblazer this year again! This time round we’ll be doing climbs as well.. genting has one of the tallest indoor rock wall around this region and we’ll give ourselves a shot at it this coming November.

Work is revving up quite a bit with the budget exercise coming up and board meeting in December, my supervisor has briefed me on my duties coming up. It helps me better brace myself for it.

Weekends are always pig-out days for me. Weekdays is time I am really conscious of what I eat, while weekends, I’ll just eat whatever I want to. I wonder if it’s good..hmm. I had beehoon goring at mum’s, fajar bread for breakfast on Sunday, beehoon on Saturday.. those food are tasty but way too sinful for everyday consumption.

I’m still aiming for that nice sugoi run top and shorts..so as I slowly work myself there..i better keep my diet at check.

1.5hrs to lunch and I’ll be using it to catch some forty winks. Sleepy. Probably with the nap, I’ll be awake enough to do a 7km run and stairs climb later.

Progress in training is good, but there’s a lot of room for improvement.

Honestly, I get really tired of working at rl. Standing around from 11am – 9pm is no joke. Though I’ve been at it for the past 2 years, I find that the only thing that keeps me going is the pay cheque at month end. Other than that, there’s not much to look forward to. Staff benefits are no longer the cream topping on the cake for me.. just for the money’s sake, I must hang on. That extra dollar in the pocket, does make a difference to civilians like me.