canine

i decided i will give away freely what i took pains to acquire. sometimes the more others want to pry things from us, the more we should give them away. perhaps, by giving away, we will in turn gain more. perhaps, by giving away, it will make them understand that giving the next person the fish does not equate to the person knowing how to fish.

it gave me chance to reinforce what i know. it also made me realise there is indeed a whole universe of things happening which i have little or no knowledge of. the pursuit to know more is endless.

learning to find answers will make us more informed individuals. the hunger for knowledge will make us stronger. i cannot teach another person how to be and stay hungry.

dearie reminds me about this important point, whenever i am down, whatever you learn is yours. where ever you go, you will bring it with you.

i often lament how selfish others are of the information they have, perhaps they think i am not of their level. i am only given drips and draps of the things i do. it's like getting 100 pieces of a 500 pieces puzzle and they would scoff at you to figure out the rest. well, if it's 100 pieces then so be it. i gathered the 100 pieces and i will slowly figure out the rest. even if it will take me a lot more time.

it reminded me of something mentioned in the bible in Matthew 15 (i am not trying to sound spiritual here but i feel i draw parallelism to it:

Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs.” “Yes, Lord,” she said, “but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

to put the whole passage in its context (in how i understand it), canaanites are like the villians who occupy the promised land which belongs to the israelites. and this woman came to Jesus, seeking help. Somehow Jesus told her that the right first belonged to Israelites. The woman did not give up and she begged. Jesus saw her faith, despite knowing she did not deserve anything, and healed her daughter.

I see myself as the canaanite, but i'm not begging. Not because i do not have faith, but because those i work for are no way near the likes of Jesus. There is no such thing as faith and healing at work. But i take no shame in gathering the crumbs that fall from the table, though it seems like i'm snooping around like some canine. i will try my best to move from table to table to gather the crumbs. tables here can be various sources. hopefully by sweeping up enough crumbs, i will gather enough to make it into a filling meal.