am i falling sick soon?

i've been amazingly tired this week. i woke up this morning feeling my body isn't mine.

been having weird bizarre dreams too. i dreamt i walked to my primary school via sophia road. along way, there was a guy who started playing the piano.. i peered through the window and just saw this man there playing the piano like music lived within him. not wanting to be discovered, i walked on to my primary school only to find it locked (obviously, it was at night then).. and i made a turn back.. with the intention to pass by that house once again.

somehow that reminded me how long i haven't touched my piano since i gave up on the dip.

i'm in a similar situation now. thats sense of "even if i tried, would i have made it feeling".

the conversation with cw yesterday left me with alot of afterthoughts. where has tricia's motivation gone to? is she headed for the wrong direction with all the wrong reasons? is imca a dream that's drifting further and further away beyond my grasp?

alot of questions, i asked. alot of answers, i wish i found.

i said i just want to keep moving. i am scared to stop because i don't know where the tide would wash me to.

tricia needs an imaginary friend who would tug her out of bed in the morning. she needs an imaginery friend who would bike and run with her each morning. doing it alone can be uber boring, especially so now that her flashdrive mp3 player has broken down. why isn't anyone giving her one of those portable radio freebies? these days i'm often getting calculator freebies. gee. i want a radio! i want a radio!!

i went to nap in between typing this blog..and guess what..i woke up with sore eyes.. my shoulders hurt. sigh.

am i falling sick soon?

raindrops keep falling on my head

drip drip drip

rain rain rain rain

drizzle drizzle

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

cannot bike

cannot run

can sleep

can stone

can daydream

oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOooo

my kor and sis-in-law bought me a nice necklace from their honeymoon in europe. really pretty.. will take a photo of it and post it up soon. though i'm not a necklace/accessories person..but it's really not often my bro gets stuff for me.. so it's special =)

long day at warren tomorrow. praying for no rain during the charity golf event tomorrow. i don't mind the hot sultry sun!

next race up? hopefully port dickson half marathon with isabel in may. akan datang!

nightmare

as i moved my hands through the back of my skull and then back into sight, there was blood. my hands were stained in blood. i sat up still in a state delirium. everything flashed across my mind. it happened way too fast.

on the dawn which i was suppose to cycle to macritchie and then to run, i sat up in my bed with a numbing sensation of fear that ran around my left rib cage. maybe it was an excuse on my part. but the nightmare made me decide to stay home for the morning and not cycle down. perhaps that was a sign. a premonition. an omen.

putting my initial plans aside, i settled for the lesser - ran 30mins to work. probably do my usual noon jog and 3sets of stairs later. tonight i'll be having lifesaving. determined to sleep early tonight. i want to do my bike and run tomorrow instead. so it'll be biking (on my market bike) to macrit, do my 10km run and then bike to work.

i'm short of a 12.8km run and ez bike. since i'll be riding down to spe pool and back for swim training, that'll make up for the ez bike. 12.8km run. 2 morning of running to work would make up 7km. i'm still 5.8km short. will have to find somewhere to slot that in.

still having alot of complications with the injured left rib cage. the pain torments me and impedes my training. totally undesirable. my mum got me 'tian qi' to consume. it's suppose to help with the blood circulation etc etc.. i think it should be a little too potent..i actually woke up with a sore throat this morning. koff koff.

na na's coming home! yay yay yay!! i'll only be able to bring it back on sat.. will pop by c2c, cycle it down to rl, work then cycle it home. busting my progress package on this overhaul. gee. nonetheless my bike deserves to be repaired. with the broken spoke, worn cogset, rusted chain, worn tires, faulty shifters..it was really in a bad shape.

shoots..after a morning in school.. my mind's kind of numb and switched off.. wake up, wake up tricia.. hehehe

happiness defined....

i have reasons to be happy..reasons to smile.

i am happy coz i completed sac. though last team in the extreme category but it was an achievement for me. no way was i physically competent for the race but i just gritted my teeth and held on.

our 3 days journey brought us through many peaks and valleys mentally and physically. it gave me a better idea of what adventure racing is all about. pushed my limits to a higher treshold. allowed me to discover how much trashing my body can actually tolerate. the mind is amazing. even when my body says no, when my mind says yes, it will still go on.

i am happy coz my mummy is happy. that elation on her lovely face as she told me of her speech that won her a pen.. she's been taking a interpersonal and communication skills course for a couple of weeks now and she has benefitted loads from it. most of all, she gained more confidence when relating to people. i smile, simply because i see my mummy smile.

i am happy because i have many friends who care. i have friends who would help me move my bike up and down numerous buses from sg to customs to city lounge to senai..then from senai to larkin to customs back to sg. thank you, adrian chum. i have friends who would pop me a slab of chocolate when i come back from the gruelling 9hrs race, help me wash my bike, tell me to note that my spoke has broke and comfort me with words of encouragement after a long day's running and biking. thank you, dex. i have friends who have kept me going on, kept an eye on me and stopping to tell me "c'mon, let's do it".. thank you, grace, teckwee and jameson.

i am happy because i have alot of colleagues who care too. thanks for all the prayers =)

in life there are just so many things that can put us down..but we can choose to give thanks. we can choose to count our blessings, instead of the worries.

happiness is how we define of it.

i choose to be happy. =)

quickie from sabah

with 6mins off the meter.. i'm just trying to pen some quick thoughts at sabah.

sitting in the common area of trekkers' lodge right now.

sunday did hash..it's like a trek activity that goes on every mon,wed,fri,sat,sun. fun..tough..tough.. tough.

today (tue) mtb..at this granite-y place. totally new experience. control was tough. but i guess i've got to get used to it. this IS offroad riding, i must say. singapore pales in comparison.

sac is 3 days away, i'm down with 2 huge blisters, 1 on each foot. it's bad bad bad. but i'm going to survive.. i'm just going to hang in there.. i don't travel so far to NOT complete. I MUST COMPLETE!!

and yes..i've been eating alot of things here. fat liao.. cham lor!

be back next monday. don't miss me too much ya? =P

decisions, decisions, decisions

decisions decisions decisions...

borneo global backpackers or trekkers' lodge?

change chain or don't change chain? (don't change. weiliang says new chain on old cogset might cause some shifting problems)

room or dorm? (room for the safety of my belongings.. and since aman said i can hang out with them)

c2c or rollite?

change tires or don't change tires? (don't change)

talking to adrianchum...another decision

tricia the fighter says: go earlier = cheaper = spend more time in airport
adrianchum says: woohoo
tricia the fighter says: go later = more expensive = spend less time in airport

have to decide if we'll be taking from larkin or city lounge.

decision: city lounge. more time to play with. we got exact timings of arrival..so no need to wait aimlessly.

i got my new prepaid number for malaysian phone. great! it's from digi..

oh shit. just found out trekker's lodge rooms are fully booked on the 9th. oh no oh no oh nooooooooooooooo!!

tying up with alan, my team mate. trying to get a place to stay.

alot alot alot of things to do.

it will turn out fine. it has to.

i need a bait

i actually feel unmotivated and sad.

sad that my training isn't undergoing the way i want it to. i just sit at my table watching time pass by and yet not doing anything about it.

sitting here and getting fat is just NO GO for me man.

i'll get my butt moving in 15mins. maybe the lure of the new shoes might just help!

couldn't resist it when i stepped into saucony shop 2 weekends ago..and i bought for myself a new pair of shoes. i had wanted to simply BROWSE at their cushioning shoes...however for some reason or another..i ended up BUYING their cushioning shoes. aww man.

do justice to my new shoes man. torture it with at least 20km of running later!!!!

let me see..what can i lure myself with?

a good breakfast. a nice lunch. a perfect dinner to end the day.

i feel like riding to habourfront later. not too sure the way. 3.5hours. i can go alot of places.

such guilt and agony not being able to finish my training. i better clear it up soon. let's see what's on the back log.

sat: 2.5hrs bike
sun: 1.5hrs run
mon: 9.6km run (say another 1.5hrs)
tue: 1hr bike
wed: 12.8km run (2hrs)

total: 3.5hrs bike + 5hrs run

yes..i missed that much. it is BAD! the only thing i've been doing is the mountain biking during noon time. haha..

might have to plan that in at night or something.

update.

- completed 6.5km run (1hr)
- completed 2.5hrs bike
- ran to work (30mins)
- bike this noon (1hr) pending

remainder: 2.5hrs run

tonight: lifesaving + 1.5hrs run

moving the 1hr run till tomorrow.

thurs morning: brick..instead of bike-run, i'll translate it to run-bike-run to make up for the 1hr run. hehehe..in this way, i'll be able to clear all the back log.

oh yes, i still haven't gone around wearing my new shoes. i thought i better save it till later. =)