enslaved

remarks i heard throughout the morning made me feel like a second-class citizen in the organisation. abit of a master-slave relationship.

i'm somewhat sore i was given slave citizenship when they lured me with master privileges.

oh well. no one forced me to sign on the dotted lines.

trying to collect my thoughts on what i want to do. i made myself heard in a peculiar way. i just had to make some sense to all the hullabaloo going on. now i'm tasked with something that seems difficult. it'll be a challenge trying to make sense out of the entire system and how numbers come about on the financials. it's a little like csi.

i am trying to see it as a challenge. do it well and i might impress the big guy. he did ask for my view just now, which is a first since i joined 9 months.

this job stretches me and i am doing alot more exciting things than my previous position. i wonder if any of these will earn me master citizenship? probably not.

i want to leave a good mark. i hope my current bosses can be valuable references to my future career movements.

the cold eased off when i woke up this morning but started to flare up some while ago. now it seems to be in remission again. i drank another cup of cold remedy. i want to get well soon.

got this long list of chores to do and i really really want to do an easy run too. my part time job has reduced all my weekend runs to park connector runs, damn. i miss running trails. i miss biking. i wonder if i can make time for them.

i'll be getting my first part time job pay soon. yay! =D that's the only worthwhile payoff from the things i am missing out of.

back to work now. going to make a list of all the tasks given over meeting and start working on them fast. =)

it lasted till 9

to him it was just a few lines of figures, but to unhide the sheet revealed otherwise. i have to decipher where he got his previous figures, tie them back to the quarters. add 2 more quarters for 2 years plus 3 quarters of 2010. put in all the missing formulae. tidy the entire sheet. it took time. it was not something i could complete in 1hr 45mins.

i was feeling unwell and had to rush this report for him. i was frustration mounted when i had to rework on it a few times because i discovered his classification was not the same as the one i have been reporting.

relieved i completed and sent it out by 9pm. i felt i was penalised for his poor planning. it need not be a last minute piece of work.

runny nose. phlegm. cough. my head feels like a ton. time to climb onto bed and snuggle with dearie.

slowing and wanting

haven't had the chance, in a while, to slowly enjoy lunch, read ibtimes and bloomberg and do a quick blog entry.

did 1 set of 15mins exercise. heated up carrot cake my mummy made. sat in front of the pc, read news and economic updates. and now wrapping things up with a quick update.

i have been complaining alot about work these day, offline. i am not hoping for a miracle to happen; i just want my monthly wages and the contractual bonus.

i constantly remind myself to be patient. patience in my career. patience in our investing. patience in our dreams.

dearie is always the one keeping me sane. he is the one who always remind me that we must not lose focus of our goals, even if we may not see the finishing line right ahead of us. one day we will get there.

bickering with him over who saves more is really comical. we will brag about the things we save on. it's good that 2 scrooges like us are paired together. we scrimp and save together.

dearie once said this, "i can give you everything you want, except the grand." it made me think about what drive me to desire a grand. as much as i still very much would love to have one, i don't think i will force my way to have one. i don't want this to become a pressure for him, because he has provided over and beyond what i need and want. =)

filling pockets

dearie said the dream was a sign that i will be walking out most of the piano shops feeling unsatisfied and not buy anything. hahaha. i laughed and replied, "probably for now".

as i was practising my pieces i thought of sauter pianos again. although i have not played on one, but as i have tried grotrian upright, a fellow german-crafted piano, it is a fairly good benchmark to imagine how a sauter will sound.

i searched the number to raffles piano and called up to find out the opening hours. now i know why we didn't manage to find it during our last walkabout to victoria concert hall. they have shifted and they are still negotiating for a place. the owner was really friendly and offered to call me back when they settle in.

can't help but feel a little disappointed although i know it will be more of a trial session more than a purposeful purchase review. i cannot afford a sauter for now, that i am very sure. but like a steinway, my hands itch to touch, feel and listen to pianos which fall in a different league.

how about trying out steinways? i read that the sauter's distributor(raffles piano) is very friendly, but i've not heard likewise about steinway's distributor (robert piano). therefore, i don't think i will walk into robert piano for now. on contrary, i am looking forward to walk into raffles piano soon! in a month's time. it's worth the wait.

the dream might be true in its sense. i am thinking i will probably walk out of raffles piano feeling unsatisfied, not because the pianos are not good, but because my pockets are not full enough to afford one! =D

11.15 am, time to head out to fill my pockets.

harpsichord like

i dreamt i was in a piano shop last night. there were many old pianos on sale. there was even one with a ventilation fan on it. strange. i tried on a few that looked like harpsichords.

i wasn't too happy with all i tried and came out empty handed.

am i still dreaming of getting a piano? probably yes.

would i buy one anytime soon? probably not.

when will i buy one? maybe when my hw rises to 0.5! hahahaha!

go into hiding

greater the expectation, greater the disappointment.

it is not a good way to start a weekend.

suddenly i feel lethargic. i yearn to take a day's break.

i am questioning myself if i am doing it all wrong. so what is it that is not right?

i envy colleagues taking leave and going for a break. i could take leave too but what could i do?

emotions rage.

i need to find some comfort. maybe i might find some behind the blankets.

the mindless autocrat

i haven't felt so exasperated in the last 9 months. he is driving us all up the wall.

being able to rant it out to dearie and his constant reminder to stay calm, helped me keep sane.

even though we were both tired, dearie kept me company through the whole 8km run. his presence kept me going. sweating it out was good.

i don't dare to imagine what beholds tomorrow. emails coming in are terrifying because they bear atrocious demands of a confused autocrat. i feel sorry for him because he probably doesn't know what he wants and his emails yell out nothing but "i need attention. i am in charge."

you earn the respect, not threaten to get it.

let's hope for the displacement to take place soon. maybe he'll be less mindless with the handover of the responsibilities.

giant beanstalk

Does its state worry me? Yes, most definitely. Dissecting the reports up only make that huge gash look gorier than ever.

I wonder if they considered the option of folding things up? If not, are they ready to bring in more? It’s like throwing money into a bottomless pit. Will a giant bean stalk spring out and reach into the skies? If yes, they won’t call those stories fairy tales.

It doesn’t belong to me. I don’t get a say. But I know we are standing on shaky ground. It may fall apart any time.

As much as I will want to leave, I can’t. I will have to stay put for now. I hate that helpless feeling. It’s like seeing the grand but not being able to get it. I see other jobs out there but I cannot apply.

Maybe I am waiting for a giant beanstalk to sprout out.

at the end of the tunnel

why am i feeling the light at the end of the tunnel getting dimmer?

the burden at work is feeling heavier. the situation of the company is really not looking up.

i wish i can move on, but i'm somewhat stuck for now.

will there be anything good that might come out of it?

tired to think for now. want to go to sleep early. let's deal with them when tomorrow comes.

new film - i love you phillip morris

saw this film title over a friend's msn nick.

was a little curious and read on it http://gu.com/p/2afjf

the guardian write up is good as it gives alot of real background story into the film.

sounds very much like frank abganale jr in catch me if you can.

these con-men are smart. real darn smart.

where's my exercise

i was suppose to be doing my 强身操 as i woke up too late for run.. instead of doing so i am searching for my yiruma sheet music.

this is one of sauters' upright. how come upright looks so gooooood!!?

Debussy:Clair de lune

beautiful music on an incredible piano.

why do i feel so sore?

i can't play as well.

but i want that piano!

piano that looks so right

how can a piano possibly look so good?

i wondered when will i be good enough to deserve one. then again, when will i be able to afford one?

look at its sexy legs

and its sensuous curves.

piano has never looked so right.

i am going to start to eat air and drink rain water till i have enough to own one! =P

knowing more

a quick entry before i dive into the heap of consolidation work.

i started the day horribly with an obnoxious email, from a colleague whose path i seldom and will seldom want to cross with. i politely explained the hold-up in the reply of his extensively long list of request. i was saved by a director's reply that his request is important but not as important as those which are keeping my hands full for now.

I've read 2 e-books over my kindle since getting it - the story of pi & 5 persons you meet in heaven. now i'm reading the kiterunner.

reading made me want to know more; i read into afghanistan history today. i am a little confused how all the events fall..because there seem to be quite a number of changes in power through the last couple of decades. i have left some wikipedia pages open..but i don't have time to read them now. perhaps i could pick it up over the weekend, when i have more time.

i am focusing my time more on the chopin nocturne no. 20, in c# minor. i am hoping to make it sound good, soon! i have tried my hands on the joe hisaishi song but like most of the songs i play, it's still messy. i printed the chopin impromptu in c# minor (wowoww! i just realised both are in c#minor..i have a strange affinity with this key!) out, after seeing the donnie yen clip john put up. i am a little apprehensive to start on it because it is a difficult piece; the octaves scare me. i'll put that in my KIV tray first until i get my playing more well honed.

alright, better start on my conso now as i am left with another 4 hours before 6. i don't want my weekend to be cut short by this!

solo

times like these i feel very alone here. no one would come and help you because i was the one 'bestowed' the work. it adds nothing to them if they helped.

i am frustrated and upset with the crap system and mentality there.

good organisations should have a set of procedures everyone follows. everyone speaks the same lines and are clear what is required; everyone follows those procedures.

the job discipline (jd) which the new gm said really made so much sense now. this is how good companies do it.

documented and set procedures. kpi to measure.

dearie is right..maybe i am easily bullied. i do start to see that play out. i should be firmer. i don't want to shoulder all that and just suffer in silence.

i believe i can fly

Professionalism.

Meritocracy.

Equal opportunity.

Seniority.

Patience.

I found my short term goal at work for the next half a year. I want to work to impress and earn myself a chance. At least I try, so I have no regrets even if I do not get an open door at the end of the day.

I believe I can do better. I believe I will surpass.

6 months runway for the external audit. It should be another 6 months before the closure of the subsidiary. 3 more months to appraisal. Make it a good run and I hope it will give me wings to take off.

もののけ姫 - 久石譲コンサート2006

sorry can't help but put up another one! i love the er-hu and violin combi..it sounds so tragic..it reminded me of 赤壁...awww!

Oriental Wind - 久石譲コンサート2006

another beautiful song from joe hisaishi. enjoy!

on my to-learn list

this is the new song on my to-learn list. printed one book of joe hisaishi music. wohooo!!

hello grand goodbye upright

As I walked to the mrt station on Friday evening, I called mummy to seek her opinion of my want to buy a piano.

Is it extravagant? I asked.

After the short conversation with her, I decided to head down to try the Hailun pianos out. Met dearie at buona vista and we travelled down to paya lebar.

The owner of the showroom is a knowledgeable man. He offered to let me try all the pianos in the entire showroom. From a 121cm upright to the S$30k Gotrian upright. From the 151cm Hailun baby grand to the 178cm grand.

I was pleasantly surprised how good the Hailun pianos sounded. I did not expect China-made pianos to be so good, given the price tags they came with.

Of course, the Gotrian upright was in a class of its own. I read that it is on par with a Sauter. The price too! This is the best upright I’ve ever played on.

The baby grand was out, though I thought its size fitted our home best. The 161cm was good but I was drawn to the 178cm most. If I had the ability to, the additional 2k to top up between at 161 and 178 is definitely worth it.

We went home that night and started to measure out space for the grand. We moved the dining table inwards, cramped the sofa to the end of the wall and marked out where the grand could sit. We did the same in our 2 other rooms too.

I turned in that night thinking how ‘wow’ it would be to have a grand.

The next morning, dearie shared with me how he felt about getting a grand. Somehow I have to concur to spend S$11k was extravagant. I scrimp and save just to blow it all on a grand at one go? Doesn’t feel too rational to me.

We went to try Cristofori pianos after dinner yesterday. I don’t have anything positive to say about their pianos. Over priced for the kind of quality you are getting. Certainly not worth paying that kind of money for their grands. Good thing I didn’t waste time to go down to try the cristofori grand on sale over ebay.

As much as I wished we could have bought that grand, I also knew i am undeserving of it.

I was thinking about depreciation of a piano. I was told that the Hailun grand could last 20 years. $11k over 20years means my grand depreciates at S$550 a year. That’s $46 a month, $1.50 per day.

Can you imagine the life of the piano ticking away with every second? I was told a good piano can last 100 years, but who would use a piano for 100 years? Some say pianos in humid countries last for a shorter period of time. Is that so?

I read this off pianofinders.com: Vertical Piano Life Do not expect most vertical pianos made today to be as durable or last as long as grands, simply because most piano manufacturers seem to feel that if you are really a serious pianist you will be getting a grand. Consequently, they make the grands more durable, and the verticals less, from what I've seen, especially with regards to pedals and keys and other components that get a heavy workout.

Perhaps getting a new piano will be justified if my current one bids goodbye. Ah hah! So the point is I must practise so much till the hammers wear off. Then it’s hello grand, goodbye upright! =D

so close yet so far

over on ebay, i found a seller who has put up his/her cristofori 185cm grand for sale at 4.3k. i was appalled at how cheap a grand could cost. it's cheaper than a less than 120cm yamaha upright!

i thought i needed to know what's the make of it as i've never encouraged any friends to buy a cristofori piano (be it upright or grand). upon further read up, i found out cristofori grands are young chang oem. young chang is a korean piano manufacturer. interesting.

samick makes cristofori's upright.

cristofori is like a paste-over name.

i dropped the seller a sms to find out the age of the piano and price. he/she responded hours later that he/she is selling it at 4.3k and made no reply on the age.

again i messaged to find out the age and if i could arrange to try it.

no response. i guess he/she isn't too sincere about selling. doesn't bother me. because i'm not a big fan of cristofori's pianos to begin with. it was the price i was tempted by.

i had some discussion with dearie last night and he was against the idea of getting a grand. basically he justified that with his measuring tape and rationalised that we had no space at home. we could probably get a digital piano instead. this morning he offered the option of a silent upright or a yamaha u1.

i find silent pianos over priced. digital pianos i'm tempted with..but as i try to think of my experience with the clavinovas at yamaha, i stopped short.

don't you remember that dampered feeling..like the keys were striking against some cloth? remember how you said a digital would never replace an acoustics?

yea, i remember all that. i've been blinded by a new piano craze to recall how sure i was against a digital piano. i only fancy it's silent and recordable functions.

interestingly, as i read into the piano forums, i found a china brand which was repeatedly mentioned -hailun. i read all the possible reviews and faqs there were within the forum on hailun and found the feedback are pretty positive so far. of course it is still not on par with a yamaha/kawai but for its price, the quality is superb for something china made.

i called the singapore dealer of hailun pianos and gathered the prices for all its available grands (4'1, 5'4, 5'10). i was startled by the prices, they were 50-70% cheaper than yamaha ones of the same length. a baby grand(4'1) costs the same as the clp-380pe! waa..u let me choose, i'll take the baby grand over a digital piano anytime!

add 2k i get a 5'4..which is still a fantastic bargain because a yamaha equivalent costs thrice as much. thrice!

i was literally jumping in my seat because the grand dream seems possible now. i could almost feel the piano right in front of me.

but.

i forgot we don't have the space at home. i even tried to google on 'how to move a grand piano into hdb flat'.

i felt like i've fallen from the sky onto the ground with a big loud thud.

i tried to put things in perspective.

first and foremost, space is the biggest constraint. how am i going to find space to house the piano? that's if we threw the dining table out like dearie said. we simply don't have space in our small little flat.

secondly, dearie is right. grand pianos belong to a big space; like whales belong to a sea not a fish tank.

and of course, my playing does not justify a grand. who would use a grand to make so much noise? those who play on the piano should make beautiful music. i do not qualify a grand at all.

lastly, being a scrooge as always, am i ready to spend that kind of money on an instrument? how long would it take for me to earn it back? i am not some ceo of an mnc who gets millions for annual remuneration. do i not remember that i have just taken a part time job to earn more? (based on my part time job's monthly wage, i will need to work part time on every single weekend for the next 2.5yrs to afford a baby grand)

my heart has already sunk into the depths of the ocean.

conclusion: after all that, the only option is to stick with my upright. maybe till we move in another 5-10yrs' time.

the pic shows the hailun hg161.

saved saving

hoho, finally closed my monthly accounts for sep. record savings! total expenditure is 10% on gross income =D

i keep track of those one-off items in my expenditure and from jan-aug'10 average of 3.75 one-off items/month, for sep'10 i only have 1 one-off item (piano tuning).

ok, i hope that i don't bust my budget terribly next month. there is quite some items on the grocery list this weekend!