not-so-happy new year (yet)

Rain is falling. Markets tumbling. Egypt in protest. Cyclone hitting Australia. The world is in somewhat a disaster mode. What a way to start the lunar new year.

We were looking forward to the break over cny but now we aren’t even sure if we can travel back. Many towns in Malaysia are ravaged in floods. We need a hovercraft!

I do hope things will work out and turn out good.

Things at work are somewhat still crawling. Maybe it’ll get better after cny. i do hope there’ll be more than just the shreds and bits I am seeing now. My scope still seems like a big fuzzy image which I still can’t make out. With quite a bit of time at hand, my mind started to wander again. Feeling like Malcolm in the middle, I thought of what it takes to inch forward. Because of the tardy progress in these 2.5 weeks, I am somewhat discouraged.

I found a job description on the server for my position. From it, I thought I actually made 1 step back from where I was previously. I was reminded of what Jamie told me; about finding jobs that bring me forward than backward. Think of a rubix cube. I should be solving the puzzle and getting the colours right more each day. I should not be messing things up more and relearning and creating more havoc. At this 2.5 weeks mark I feel I am creating more mess than good. =(

I accepted this position because I felt I was new in this industry and I should give myself time to perform and move up. But the uncertainty gnaws on me now. It is that impatience bug feeding on my confidence again.

How long do I need to make things work? What if I am here 3 years and still stuck in the executive position? I thought about possibly promoting to senior accountant if i have stayed on in my last company.

What can I do to accelerate my progress? I feel I cannot just sit here and wait for experience to accumulate. There must be more I can do!

Am I starting to regret my decision to move? A little. Is this a good choice? I am not absolutely sure for now. Can I hold on for 3 years? I will try my best to. Will I perform well enough to deserve confirmation? I need a better idea of the KPIs because I don’t see them clearly for now. I will have to draft the KPIs and clarify with my boss once I am sure of my full scope of work.

For now, all I am hoping is to head back to Malaysia asap. Because only by doing so, I can get my mind off work and the company.