jump

i jumped. struggled to the last moment before i hit the sent. i wanted to collect all the disgruntle and unhappiness.. as i handed it in, i realised it doesn't quite matter. it was not that has passed which mattered, it is what lies aheads which held more reason.

won't have come so far without family and friends. even in the midst of masked men, i found some who are real. it was assuring to hear from them, "i'm sad that you are leaving, but i know this is right for you."

i contemplated if i could live through the days with both eyes closed, it was pretty comfortable. yet, dearie reminded me, are you comfortable? you are unhappy. it hit me. was i in some kind of self-denial? haha

it is easy to be in a uncomfortable position but still fool your mind to think it IS comfortable. just like how i will talk to myself during a long run, that the end is near and i can hold on.

i'm glad i made the decision to jump. let's hope the parachute does open up during the drop, and that i'll glide through to another land!

better late than never

GST filing is done! yay! it is due on 31st and i only got it done tonight. i haven't got around to finish the accounts and close for the financial year.. there is still a list of documentation to do..plus more filing to do.

was busy doing so much formatting tonight. just glad to get the GST over and done with for now.

back to studies.

i am so glad i got a day's leave on friday!

more mugging

been swimming in questions. just doing tons of it to familiarise myself with the format of the questions.

yukie nishimura playing delectable music in my ears. it balances the stress that comes along with studies.

been glued to this website that sells beautiful dresses. i wish i can own most of them!! how do i stop??

going to get my new glasses later today. let's hope it helps ease my squinting.

i am going to take it up. no one knows what it may bring, but i will definitely put in my due effort to make it the best shot it can be. and after i get the exams done, there is a long list of things i want to get on to. i've got to prepare myself for the shot. if i can practise a thousand times to get the one shot right, i will.

mugging

have been making some effort to wake up earlier to study.

hang on hang on!

i should be taking on the plunge. strap on the parachute and jump. trusting i have packed the parachute well - it will spread out when i pull the line and i will be able to glide through instead of going free fall down.

attending a sap course later in the day.

this week is short due to the friday holiday.

it's good to get out of the office sometimes.

post exams plans

exams in 2 weeks' time. after exams, i want to:

1. go for a holiday with dearie
2. read more books
3. have more time and mood to play my neglected piano
4. go for photography lessons and put the D80 pa given us into good use
5. put in more effort to develop my career (for those who have given me advice on this recently, you know what i mean)
6. with point 5, to see if there is a need to continue on with the other 2 exams

hang in there, tricia.

baggage

i wonder what to lug along to work for the weeks to come. i have been bringing my writing paper to attempt my questions but despite carrying them to and fro, i never brought them out to use during office hours. impossible to write with a pen and paper on the train, nevertheless i try to do some questions using annotation on the tab.

i'm slowly getting some momentum. still can't finish the fixed income questions this weekend but at least i covered most of them. exam is drawing very near now and i've still got many many questions i want to cover.

i am making a mental note that i want to spend at least an hour or two every night, for the next 3 weeks, working on my questions. what helps is work isn't going very much anywhere these days, so it's easier to just brush work aside and focus on the exam which will add more value to myself.

i hope all these will work out for the better, despite the predicament at work.

comfort in music

i was trying to find comfort in the music that was playing in my ears. i tried some really loud thumping ones like "eye of the tiger" (like i'm getting ready for battle of sorts).. in the end i found what i needed was knowing there was someone greater in control, casting my cares on Jesus. I think i found peace listening this http://youtu.be/FlDUkp1Ts8A rather than the final countdown.

thank you for such beautiful music.

losing focus

i find myself losing focus of the upcoming exam due to the many things that is happening at work. it is certainly disturbing me, the uncertainty is making me wriggle like an ill-fitting bra.

can i totally shut myself out from the politics that others are fiddling with? it is because i was hoping to develop a career..rather than just hold a job, that's why i am affected. from the outlook now, i must adjust my mindset to accept that it will just be a JOB, there will never be a career that can be made out of this place.

i need to gain immunity. build a wall around myself. fill my time with other things which can add value to myself, beyond the work certainly.