greyish days at rjc

i haven't been exactly too happy at work. how strange things just nose-dive into gloom and dust. not even looking forward for yet another meet up tomorrow. what i have to say i've already said. i doubt they'll want me to stay on, neither do i want to do so.

4 more camps up ahead and 3 of them with no venues. overheard a possibility of ending up at ubin. uh-oh..i've got badminton class on one of the camps.. how am i going to get back ashore, go for class then rush back to camp? i sense a impending disapproval of me going for class again. work is work is work is work, and there is NO compromise to that. i hate camps coz it saps my energy and ruins all own life outside working hours. i have things i want to learn and develop in..

map says we get from pt a to pt b via road c, and that's the way we MUST go. no to road d even if it's faster..NO to road e even if it's flatter. road c it is, road c it must be. such inflexibility affects me tremendously because as my mum requested me to take some off time to spend with her, i could only say i can't. reason is because i'm told i must put in all the hours required of the camp..9am to 11pm..9 am to 6/7pm the next day..and for all that there is no privilege of time off or rest. i think i won't want to voice and ask for me too, in case i'm seen as a trouble maker trying to find flexibility in her system which is rigidly structured as such.

another reason for my departure is the salary which i feel is pathetic. moving back to finance which i can better put my qualifications to use than be literally trampled on coz i don't fit into their mould of how a training facilitator should be. moreover, i don't need their sympathy to TAKE ME IN. those words suck. i'm not a wandering stray that needs a shelter over my head. i want to redeem my esteem n walk away with my head held high.

been terribly left out in alot of work related things since i tendered. i'm trying to not let it affect me..because i didn't choose to be left out..i'm just left out coz i'm soon going to leave. so i guess the rest felt there's no need to involve me too much. oh well..

dw constantly reminds me "the thing is..you are leaving soon." that's really a good thought to focus on, when the lights dim so much it's uncomfortable to be in.

interview at queensway turned out pleasantly nice with doctor wang. wondering what'll be the outcome. would i get it?

i don't know where it will eventually lead me to, but i only want to utilise all the time i have in my hands to earn more. there's alot ahead which requires the cash and i'm lacking much in vitamin M. (m for money)

i know i can survive. i am a gal who can work her way thru to survive. having grown up with little, i can live with little.

sometimes i really want to break down and cry..but what would crying help? at the end of it, i would still have to decide where i want to venture to.. i would have to still stand up and continue in the journey.

1 more day to go before i head to kkb for race. no camps. good thing. i'll probably spend tomorrow doing data entry. a whole box full. got to get it going.

working evenings from 630pm to 9pm at rln for the next 2 days. make up a little for the week ends i'll be missing.

will be making some small tokens for a few nice people i've met at rjc. despite all the unhappiness..there r these handful of nice teachers and colleagues i can truly smile at with no qualms. that's some consolation, isn't it?