Monday, June 23, 2008

if chances can be bought

i find it hard to start this entry as there are numerous strands of thoughts running through my mind, which I am trying hard to document right now.

in no chronological order..

1. I had a good talk with dearie yesterday over bedtime. We talked about the wedding and studies.. I was shakened in my decision to proceed with studies..i can’t fully back it up that it will definitely ensure better job prospects. It is not a ticket to a better pay either. Yet I can only say I really want to learn relevant things to my line of work and from getting the qualification, open more doors to other options. i can’t seem to fend for myself when people ask me if this should be what is best for myself, because from my current position now, it seems that things haven’t been working too well. yes, my work now is pretty stifling and pay is not impressive. I have not achieved much worth boosting of either. I can only sit quietly in a corner and try to sought out means I can improve myself. To study is one of the means I’ve found. I can’t accelerate the years to make myself more experienced but I can make use of the time I have to learn new things which I will most probably not have the opportunity to do in my current job. By learning them, it might give me a better chance of doing them in my next job. The things I’m interested in are things that are finance related. I am in a finance exec position but I am NOT doing things of Finance nature. I am more like an accounts exec in most ways. Finance entails a lot on investments and evaluating financial decisions. Of which I am not doing any of right now.

I can’t be 100% sure this is the right course to do that’ll guarantee me a place in the finance sector. I may come out of it and still be like that. But I am investing in a chance. Just like many of us spend $2 to bet on a lucky 4 digit ticket. Can we be definite it’ll strike the lottery? No. but why are we still buying 4d? because it gives us a chance. A chance we might strike it big. A chance to win something. In my case, even if I don’t strike something big by studying, at least I am more educated and wiser when I have to make finance related decisions for myself in the years to come.


2. I attended my cousin’s wedding on Saturday night. Personally, it has put me in a turmoil of emotions. I was much envious to the beautiful things on the wedding itself. These are things I felt are not necessary, though definitely nice to have. yet when I turned and look at my mum, I really felt bad because I do not want our parents to feel “no face” because I want to scrimp and save. Dearie assured me we will try our best despite of the constraints we face.

Weddings are the only time I get to meet up with my cousins. As we don’t meet one another often, everyone seems a little distant. Sitting there listening to the conversation going on, it starkly showed how people change. I wish people can remain the way they were and needn’t change so drastically because of acquired wealth.

Grandma sat on the wheelchair and looked really frail. I wondered if she still recognized me though it seems not too long ago that I just last visited her. she was still glowing and smiling the last time I saw her; how rapidly cancer devoured the old lady in just a matter of months. despite wishing she could hold on another 5 more months to attend my wedding, I am not hopeful.


3. school term starts in july. I hope I can quickly settle into the momentum of studying and also gradually put the wedding preparations in place bit by bit. Won’t want to do last minute fire fighting on this.


4. track training with runfanatics was really good. my hamstring didn’t give me much problems! Yay! Instead of joining Isabel for 400m sets, coach had me do tempo runs on the grass field. By doing so, my hamstring didn’t hurt much. we then proceeded to do weights+cardio sets which I felt pushed me hard. I sprinted the 70-80m as hard as I could and when I did so, it really left me feeling good, though tired. I look up to coach a lot and I appreciate his dedication and time to our group. All from runfanatics group should try and attend his training if you are serious about improving.


5. dearie’s parents came by during the weekends to firm the wedding plans. I really appreciate their time and effort to come all the way to Singapore. =) we went shopping, baked chocolate cake and ate quite a fair bit!


6. I registered in the first tuition centre today. After perusing classifieds for the last week or so, I conclude that the only job I can take up is tutoring. Retail will be tough because most would require commitment on the weekends, which I can’t do so due to classes. Tutoring gives me greater flexibility in time and I can slot in tuition classes on weekday evenings. I am throwing away all my reservations about tutoring and I just want to give it a shot. I was fretful because the last assignment I had was tougher than I had expected it to be. My task was to tutor an accounting poly student. She was kind of expecting me to know things at my finger tips, which I wasn’t able to because school syllabus are not the everyday things we do at work. their syllabus is abit like foundation level of ACCA which I have given most back to my lecturers since graduating from that level more than 7 years ago.

This time I will opt to teach sec school accounting, which is more straight forward. I’ve also checked the Chinese box for lower and upper primary. Let’s see if I can gather any assignments.

Dearie is right. We are young and we ought to work hard. we can’t just wait for things to come to us nor wait for it to drop from the sky – it won’t happen. I am not going to wait anymore. For me, it’s not just walking towards my goal, I must RUN to it.

"Ability is what you're capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it." Lou Holtz

No comments: