it must go UP!

Tuition wasn’t as good as I hoped it would be. I feel rusty after the half year break away from tutoring, the syllabus wasn’t at my fingertips anymore. The struggled with some questions on topics which I didn’t deal with on a daily basis.. so I was stumped. Didn’t like that feeling to be honest.. and I know that if I want to get them all back, I had to do my homework of reading through the past year papers, understanding the formats required and prepare for each class. I didn’t like going there unprepared as words didn’t flow out of me like second nature. i don’t tutor as a profession.

It is not being fair to the student if I do not do my homework. However I am reluctant to commit from now till her exam in nov. the 2 modules next term will demand more from me.. hence I’m kind of stuck right now. I hate waking up feeling tired. I hate not being able to do my easy runs. I am not sure if I have the time to prepare for classes. The motivation to continue is the hope to see her do well in it and the monetary supplement I can gather from the effort.

I despise myself that I do not earn a comfortable sum of money that can eliminate the 2nd motivation almost instantly. i’ll give myself more time to reconsider on this.

I remember when I stepped into this company more than 2 years ago, I told my boss my plan in the next 5 years was to be a member with icpas. I wanted to go full force towards career progression. After working hard for the last 2 years plus, I looked back from where I commenced and I can tell myself I have progressed.

Nevertheless, the fish tank only has that much space and does not grow any bigger than it is. I continue to swim to and fro this tank right now; mastering the skills to glide and move swifter. Yet, this is something I hope I needn’t be doing in the next decade to come. Hopping out will take a lot of courage and I am not sure how much bigger the next tank will be.. or will it be the frying pan? but if I don’t try, I will continue to go round and round this tank. I do not count on the tank expanding in the short-mid term and I do not want to raise my hopes on anything. Nothing is promised and I doubt there will be anything offered.

Darn it on the economic crisis, sweeping away with it opportunities and career options.

Hang on tricia. 6 more months to graduation. 10 more months to get icpas and acca membership. Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. It will get better.

I hope dearie’s career will gain leverage. Like ma always remind us, “remember we must not let others look down on us.” I hope to move up a gear too, once I gain momentum to shift out of the inertia state.

When things hit the bottom, it must go UP!