2014

trying to fill next year with the large stones. tax courses. secretariat courses. hr will be a good to have but probably a little to long to commit. goal is to be more efficient in the things i do. spend lesser hours to complete the same amount of work. find more time to spend time with family, read and play the piano.

talking about spending time with family. we have a family holiday planned in 3 weeks time! winter sonata, here we come!! i packed some evaporated milk and rose syrup. we will be having a free flow of ice kacang at the ski resort.

mummy and i went for a hair makeover yesterday. she looks fabulous! it is money well spent. that's my treat to her for this year. i love seeing mummy so pretty =) we will be going shopping later at bugis. this is simply the best way to utilise my time (since dearie is away in japan). after shopping, mummy will be cooking almond sliced fish (can u imagine that!!! the last time i had them was...eons ago! we used to love this when we were kids). i hope she has and will enjoy the time spent together, as much as i have.

michael

serenading to kissing a fool and mr & mrs jones by michael buble. put it on repeat!!

hollies

i am so so looking forward to the holiday next month. i do need that break from work.

Walls

This has been a tough year. Hitting one wall after another. I hope i am getting stronger through it and not dying from a hemorrhage.

why is it so hard

how do i become more self sufficient? how can i not be at the mercy of constraints? it is just about the money issue. who pays the extra? i don't mind taking on the inconvenience but will it work? how do i find a solution which will benefit all? i wish i had more time on my side so that i can make things work out right and make everyone happy.

chore

eating to me is a chore. to order food for others is an absolute pain. everyone should just feed themselves.

On and on

i hate myself. all i was told was to update a cost tracker.then i thought i should do a consolidated effort by doing a fixed asset listing (which i do need to have to get my depreciation going) which has budgeted numbers in line with the cost tracker. then i thought i should have proper fixed asset numbering (which the present chart of accounts only gave broad accounts)..i am just digging a hole deeper and deeper. someone stop me from doing so coz all i need to do was to update a darn cost tracker.

3 months

i am going to be 3 months old with the company. probation call tomorrow. how much more timely can the storm in the teacup be. looking forward to more 3 months. i do have good bosses, less those who are suppose to be my boss on paper.

corrupt

files in the card drive corrupted. we had problems deleting and transferring files into the hdd. i panicked when the hdd failed because if it did, all my years of photos will be gone. good thing dearie recovered them and now we have them stored in 2 different places - can never be too sure.

live

if i can ever choose to see one live concert, whom will i pick.

has to be itzhak perlman.he is on tour in US now. gosh, will i ever get to hear him in person?

every tune he plays on his violin tells a story.

the brahms violin concerto is still on my playlist.

Stop and stare

I wish i could do more for her. Wrench her from that situation and bring her home, because i know she will never leave it behind. I asked myself what should i do when i got there. What could i do?

We make choices every day, every hour, every minute. We could never certainly tell which each of those choices begets us.

The choice should be to live in peace, to live with less discord, to leave the extra baggage of the past behind us.

Radio

I have not tuned into local radio for a long while. Did so this morning and glad i did so. I tuned into the only station that has the least words and most music - 92.4..and i struck gold!! Better than gold!

Brahms violin sonata no 2 in A maj op 100, played by itzhak perlman and ashkenazy. This is the best combi in the world! Wowww, i am listening to the whole sonata over youtube now and it is pure delight.

I want it to play forever.

Lucky dip

2 days of course on the payroll system and i am back into the tub of lucky slips. Each with a prized task i need to work on..i have stopped writing them in my book as they seem to stream in continuously and accumulating.

With 2 hats..i am trying my best to switch to and fro.. and making sure i get as much covered as possible. I feel inadequate. But everyone is too busy to address that.

Wet week

It has been raining alot this week. And the rain seems to bring on all the lethargy. I feel strangely tired.

Won't it be nice to snuggle in bed on a rainy day? Oh yes, dearie is irritated with the flimsy bedsheets, we shall dump them out after the next change!

Sports day

Sunday was sports day for us - mr in the morning, 25mins gym before badminton, badminton in the evening.

It was completed with yummy you mee for brunch..slurpss!

It is a great way to spend the day!

up to date

i can officially declare i have caught up with all. i am not going to check the cash items as i know it will not tie to the cent with the excel entries we have. everything else looks reasonable.

next is to just make sure we get the entries put in regular enough and to educate mummy to use the system.

such sense of relief. wow.

i still have tax computation to do before end of november.

i want my life back!

housekeep

feels like an extremely long week with the long nights. i'm glad i'm done with the 6 files and now onto to reconciliation. met the deadline of the gst filing too. phew!

hope to get back into the normal cycle of life - more time, more rest, more exercise.

i found half of the missing earring. i cleared through my wardrobe hoping to find the other half of it but nope, couldn't find it. i did clear out a bag of dust laden rubbish out of it. down the chute it goes.

it is good to do housekeeping and throw out the junk on a regular basis.

Almost there

Down to the last 2 files and i am hoping to finish them tonight, along with housework.

Reading slowed on the 3rd, maybe i'm savouring the words more.

Glad it is friday.

Book 2-check

Done with book 2. Next up, judith mcnaught!

Blue sparkles

I never noticed she had them till i bought the same pair. I never wore them till now. I love them - the blue sparkles. I wear them with my blue dresses and black, they seem to go well with all colours, as they sparkle in rainbow.

Yes, another reason why i am glad to be out of there - i get to wear my blue sparkles every day!

Crotchets

Onto book 2 of 6. Five persons you meet in heaven. Re-reading this the second time because it is worth the time. Reminds me that people we meet, events that happen and decisions we make, are all there for a reason.

Simply love the beautiful music i listen to. Drifts my mind into another world; weightless in most sense.

I have to get the work done. Want to spend some time making some noise.

In blue

I read a book with a blue cover. Coincidentally i was dressed in blue too.

I finished the book today.

It was not a very blue monday.

Sounds strange? The book was written by a japanese author and they write like that.

another down

1 more done. 4 more to go.

at least i have the may gst done now.

dearie helped me get the housework done as i ploughed through the may files. thank you!

chugging along

bank account balances!

1 file down, 1 more to close may.

5 files more.

why does the finishing point look so distant?

back up

6 files full. daunting.

what is my contingency plan if i don't get all those 6 files full of data (and some already faded) into the system.

coincidentally, i borrowed 6 books today. so much for the lack of things to read.

i dropped out of another coursera course. damn.

can't something just work out?

washed out

i want to get this right so badly but i'm so hard pressed for time. 7 days and 3 months of entries. what should i do? just sum the numbers for a submission or try my best to input 3 months worth of entries into the new system?

it's like a struggle to stay afloat, grab onto any log that gets washes on my way. oh dear me.

dread

it is absolutely dreadful when it doesn't balance. argh.

and you must be realising, whenever i can't balance it, i will write a blog post. blah.

greens

it is nice to be back on MR trails again. i love trail running. too much park connectors!

my brain is working at snail speed now, trying to work my mummy's accounts and GST reporting.

i still have not found a good way to table my tasks. the long list of tasks is scrolling non-stop in my mind. i'm somewhat like mummy in this aspect.

can sunday don't pass so quickly?

on the rock

i was on a flight 2 weeks ago.

steward: what would you like to drink?
me: shiraz please.
steward: on the rock?
me: (since when do we drink wine on the rock?) oh well, why not?
steward: (hands me a glass of brown liquid which tasted more like whisky..and i thought to myself..this doesn't look anywhere like shiraz? i drank it anyway and it was good!)

when i got home i told dearie about it.

dearie: on the rock?? he must have heard CHIVAS..

me: oh ya.. it did taste alot like CHIVAS!

dearie: why must you say shiraz? you could have said red wine.

me: i thought shiraz sounded more class. =X (moreover, my neighbour on the opposite aisle asked for shiraz and got hers..and i clearly heard her say shiraz. oh well, so much for trying to be a copycat. my pronounciation must have sucked.)
 

dazed

totally jaded today. went out for a meeting in the morning at 10am, got home intending to work but felt tiredness overcome me and i climbed into bed at 1.30pm, only to wake up 3 hours later. wasted the good day in sleep, sigh.

it is one of those days things look a little gray and uninteresting.

telecommute

i have been going around and working from home since i got back from uk. it has been quite a fruitful week, hearing and seeing much. i am looking forward to sit in my office and work, feels more proper. our dining table has been doubling as my workstation. i managed to file away quite abit of the documents, half of them belongs to mummy. done the acra and eci filing. i am only left with gst and income tax.

i need a better way to list what i need to do, now it's all over the place, whenever i remember them, i'll scribble it on whatever i can find - smartphones, notebooks (a couple of them), scraps of paper. an attempt to remind myself of the outstanding, but i find most of the items repetitive over the different modes and most of the time, each mode contains something another mode doesn't.

it's a lazy saturday - we slept through the morning, catching up on rest we didn't get over the weekdays.

glitz

went through pages of glitz repeatedly, in an attempt to figure out how i can make the most out of the trip next month. honestly, i found no reason to splurge on a piece of sewn up leather for myself. definitely way more a good to have than a must have, do i even need it to begin with? (obviously NO)

relieved to finally get to the final week of work. really really relieved!

alright, i do deserve a coloured piece of leather for getting through this 1 month..and the leave i am encashing right? =D

899.4

i have been tormented by the $899.40 difference in my mummy's books. finally found it after matching line by line. this amount was made up of 4 lines. gosh!

now that it is found, i can now proceed to do the gst listing, asset listing, pass the depreciation entries. check my accruals. do whatever reclassification and close the books! yay!! this should be done by today.

complete the annual returns, tax and then it's done for the year.

jump

i jumped. struggled to the last moment before i hit the sent. i wanted to collect all the disgruntle and unhappiness.. as i handed it in, i realised it doesn't quite matter. it was not that has passed which mattered, it is what lies aheads which held more reason.

won't have come so far without family and friends. even in the midst of masked men, i found some who are real. it was assuring to hear from them, "i'm sad that you are leaving, but i know this is right for you."

i contemplated if i could live through the days with both eyes closed, it was pretty comfortable. yet, dearie reminded me, are you comfortable? you are unhappy. it hit me. was i in some kind of self-denial? haha

it is easy to be in a uncomfortable position but still fool your mind to think it IS comfortable. just like how i will talk to myself during a long run, that the end is near and i can hold on.

i'm glad i made the decision to jump. let's hope the parachute does open up during the drop, and that i'll glide through to another land!

better late than never

GST filing is done! yay! it is due on 31st and i only got it done tonight. i haven't got around to finish the accounts and close for the financial year.. there is still a list of documentation to do..plus more filing to do.

was busy doing so much formatting tonight. just glad to get the GST over and done with for now.

back to studies.

i am so glad i got a day's leave on friday!

more mugging

been swimming in questions. just doing tons of it to familiarise myself with the format of the questions.

yukie nishimura playing delectable music in my ears. it balances the stress that comes along with studies.

been glued to this website that sells beautiful dresses. i wish i can own most of them!! how do i stop??

going to get my new glasses later today. let's hope it helps ease my squinting.

i am going to take it up. no one knows what it may bring, but i will definitely put in my due effort to make it the best shot it can be. and after i get the exams done, there is a long list of things i want to get on to. i've got to prepare myself for the shot. if i can practise a thousand times to get the one shot right, i will.

mugging

have been making some effort to wake up earlier to study.

hang on hang on!

i should be taking on the plunge. strap on the parachute and jump. trusting i have packed the parachute well - it will spread out when i pull the line and i will be able to glide through instead of going free fall down.

attending a sap course later in the day.

this week is short due to the friday holiday.

it's good to get out of the office sometimes.

post exams plans

exams in 2 weeks' time. after exams, i want to:

1. go for a holiday with dearie
2. read more books
3. have more time and mood to play my neglected piano
4. go for photography lessons and put the D80 pa given us into good use
5. put in more effort to develop my career (for those who have given me advice on this recently, you know what i mean)
6. with point 5, to see if there is a need to continue on with the other 2 exams

hang in there, tricia.

baggage

i wonder what to lug along to work for the weeks to come. i have been bringing my writing paper to attempt my questions but despite carrying them to and fro, i never brought them out to use during office hours. impossible to write with a pen and paper on the train, nevertheless i try to do some questions using annotation on the tab.

i'm slowly getting some momentum. still can't finish the fixed income questions this weekend but at least i covered most of them. exam is drawing very near now and i've still got many many questions i want to cover.

i am making a mental note that i want to spend at least an hour or two every night, for the next 3 weeks, working on my questions. what helps is work isn't going very much anywhere these days, so it's easier to just brush work aside and focus on the exam which will add more value to myself.

i hope all these will work out for the better, despite the predicament at work.

comfort in music

i was trying to find comfort in the music that was playing in my ears. i tried some really loud thumping ones like "eye of the tiger" (like i'm getting ready for battle of sorts).. in the end i found what i needed was knowing there was someone greater in control, casting my cares on Jesus. I think i found peace listening this http://youtu.be/FlDUkp1Ts8A rather than the final countdown.

thank you for such beautiful music.

losing focus

i find myself losing focus of the upcoming exam due to the many things that is happening at work. it is certainly disturbing me, the uncertainty is making me wriggle like an ill-fitting bra.

can i totally shut myself out from the politics that others are fiddling with? it is because i was hoping to develop a career..rather than just hold a job, that's why i am affected. from the outlook now, i must adjust my mindset to accept that it will just be a JOB, there will never be a career that can be made out of this place.

i need to gain immunity. build a wall around myself. fill my time with other things which can add value to myself, beyond the work certainly.

drive and driven

after a few months of abstinence from books (not text books), i picked up this book after dearie showed me a short you tube video which presented an excerpt from dan pink.

i really like this book, so much that i want to own it. i've got it in pdf form now..and i won't mind re-reading it again if time permits.

a quick check on my progress in preparing for the exams in jun. i have completed all the reading. completed all the video lectures. the last 2 things i have on my checklist are to finish all the practise questions on both the study notes and question bank. attempt the mock exam.

the last 2 tasks will commence tomorrow!

i am well on time for my schedule today. another 30mins to my meteor documentary. i'll have to list out all the questions i need to attempt and keep a checklist on when i need to complete them by..and when i do complete them by. (i think this kind of checklists are very helpful in my course of exam preparation so far. it allows me to track my progress all the time.. and when i am able to complete the tasks set out, a sense of accomplishment.

and so, we do need tons of drive in our lives. and if u've read dan pink's book, such drive does not necessarily come from monetary rewards. for me, it's part of my continual pursuit to improve myself. the more i know, the more i realise there is so much i don't know. =)

the little buffalo

what do i miss most since embarking on studies?

reading (books. real books, not text books)

having the mood/time to play piano (the baby grand feels like a white elephant now)

watching mindless tv serials

dozing off over weekend without having to worry about studies i've set out to cover

went to mummy's to help her clear her wardrobe earlier. i got some good hand-me-downs! and the best find for the day is my mummy's 20yr old braun buffel handbag. after applying mink oil over it, i got it back to as-good-as-quite-new condition..all ready for use! only pity is it's a little small for a bring-rubbish-around person like me. nonetheless, i want to use it..because it represents everything mummy. it reminds me of those mornings i see mummy strut out of home early in the morning to go to work. my endearing mummy who means the world to me (plus dearie too, i know he'll be reading this!)

canine

i decided i will give away freely what i took pains to acquire. sometimes the more others want to pry things from us, the more we should give them away. perhaps, by giving away, we will in turn gain more. perhaps, by giving away, it will make them understand that giving the next person the fish does not equate to the person knowing how to fish.

it gave me chance to reinforce what i know. it also made me realise there is indeed a whole universe of things happening which i have little or no knowledge of. the pursuit to know more is endless.

learning to find answers will make us more informed individuals. the hunger for knowledge will make us stronger. i cannot teach another person how to be and stay hungry.

dearie reminds me about this important point, whenever i am down, whatever you learn is yours. where ever you go, you will bring it with you.

i often lament how selfish others are of the information they have, perhaps they think i am not of their level. i am only given drips and draps of the things i do. it's like getting 100 pieces of a 500 pieces puzzle and they would scoff at you to figure out the rest. well, if it's 100 pieces then so be it. i gathered the 100 pieces and i will slowly figure out the rest. even if it will take me a lot more time.

it reminded me of something mentioned in the bible in Matthew 15 (i am not trying to sound spiritual here but i feel i draw parallelism to it:

Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs.” “Yes, Lord,” she said, “but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

to put the whole passage in its context (in how i understand it), canaanites are like the villians who occupy the promised land which belongs to the israelites. and this woman came to Jesus, seeking help. Somehow Jesus told her that the right first belonged to Israelites. The woman did not give up and she begged. Jesus saw her faith, despite knowing she did not deserve anything, and healed her daughter.

I see myself as the canaanite, but i'm not begging. Not because i do not have faith, but because those i work for are no way near the likes of Jesus. There is no such thing as faith and healing at work. But i take no shame in gathering the crumbs that fall from the table, though it seems like i'm snooping around like some canine. i will try my best to move from table to table to gather the crumbs. tables here can be various sources. hopefully by sweeping up enough crumbs, i will gather enough to make it into a filling meal.

catch up game

this study endeavour has been a catch-up game. perhaps i have underestimated how much i can cover in 4 months' time. i seriously need MORE time.

talking through the situation at work with dearie certainly made the big picture crystal clear. at least for the next 12months or so, i'm going to steer clear of the gunfire. do a level-2 sharing. build up my fort.

at least keep my head clear in the midst of all the strange things going on. stay focused. 

my brain crashed

i spent my sunday doing the accounts for mummy. i thought this is the least i can help to lighten the burden on her, especially now that she is ill.

i have planned to catch up on my studies, but now it seems i am even more behind schedule. now at 10pm, after settling all the housework and accounts, i finally have time to start on studies. yet, my brain doesn't seem to want to work now. i am staring blankly on my screen, wondering what exactly i should be doing. video lectures? question bank? concept checkers? i am typing a blog entry now!

what do you do when you lag behind? i am seriously behind schedule and i am only left with 3 months. am i freaking out? somewhat.

how am i going to find time to catch up?

i need an anvil to fall on me now.

inertia

Finding the inertia to start studying again is challenging. Reading text, attempting questions and jotting notes; this needs getting used to.

I hope it will end up useful. The topic I am doing now is Ethics- a pretty dry boring topic and I am finding it tough to see the relevance as I am not working as an analyst.

I must get through this by today and start on Quant tomorrow.

Registered and no regrets

I have finally registered after a long while of deliberation. Dearie gave me the assurance and support to go full force for it. I can still remember how he had to keep me company when I was doing my studies through MAF and Financial Market Cert.

No turning back now..I took nearly an hour just to get the registration up.

I only have 4 months left before exam.

I am not proving anything to anyone. I just want to test how far I can go. And like dearie said, I won't know till I try.

And yes, I am going to try.

Life is too short to look back and wish we have done certain things but did not get around it due to procrastination.

Even if I don't make it through, at least I can say I have tried. =) That's all I am trying to do. No regrets.

time

Realised there is so much I want to do but so little time. So many things seem so interesting but it takes time to learn. It back to how we manage our time - giving up things which are less important. It is hard, isn't it? =(

after 5 months

this blog has been dysfunctional for quite a while now. 2 friends reminded me that they followed my blog. Dearie told me my blog entries with mention of him, always make his day.

I think as I grow older, there seems lesser need to "externalise" what I think and feel. Alot of my thoughts and feelings are either "internalised" or I will simply text them to dearie. He gets the brunt of all my frustrations and complaints and of course, the first I will share my joy with.

And I think there are alot of ways to shrug off stress and dissatisfaction; blowing off your top and blarring out at those around you seems the most uncool thing to do. It is immature to pass needless comments - it only exposes your lack of depth. I think playing the piano is a good way to divert attention onto something less intellectual. I think running is a good way to help dissipate some of the negative energy.

It seems that I have stopped updating the books on my read list. I think I managed to cover quite a number of books and I'm pretty proud of that. I think one of the best ways to find out about things is to read on it. Find diverse opinion on a subject matter, before you draw your conclusion on it.

I have been reading quite a few books on Lee Kuan Yew recently. Apart from knowing him as one of Singapore's founding fathers and reading generally unkind comments of him on the internet, I have not known much about him.After reading a couple of books and having watched the interviews with him, I am full of respect. I am still intrigued with how this great man is wired, hence having finished another book on him today, I have another 2 more books lined up next. I am dreaming if it will ever be possible to meet him in person. Just to shake his hand and tell him I admire his grit and express thanks for how he has built Singapore.