difficult people

needs to find some means to deal with a difficult colleague at work.

broken piggy

exceeded my monthly budget big time this month. half of it went to cny ang pao =(

i am going to ensure this will not continue in a trend. i will have to average it out next month. i feel like leaving my wallet at home tomorrow and monday.

i saw a friend sharing photos of her online loots and i started to wonder how come she has so much money to go around?

call me weirdo but i actually feel insecure when i don't save a good proportion of my income. i start to conjure ideas of taking up some tuition assignments so i can save more.

not that i am trying to hoard up cash..but i think having liquid assets is important. i hope we can diligently save up to be able to make some significant investments for the future. while i wish i can do more shopping, have more pretty clothes etc, all these do not bring us to greater financial freedom. work hard now, enjoy later.

light upon my feet

Tomorrow marks my 1 month with the company. As I reviewed where I have progressed to and what have I accomplished, I was in dismay.

I was in this state of uncertainty and I was somewhat regretting the decision to move into this company.

Dearie had to give me numerous counselling sessions to get me to think rationally.

Finally I found a breakthrough today. Somehow things fell into place and I am really blessed in how people around me form an important support group in my life.

So the sequence goes:

Early this week I started to think I should not waste my time here. I was resigned to the fact that I will need to stay here for at least 2 years but I did not want to just let time pass. I started to toy with the idea of studying. Maybe go for CFA. And so I asked around and checked online.

An ex classmate who has been in the banking sector all her career told me CFA is similar to MAF; not necessary. I checked online and realized to obtain CFA I will need 4 years of relevant experience. And for what constitutes relevant experience, I think at this point in time, I have gathered zero relevant CFA experience.

Dearie told me even if I don’t do the CFA, I can still do self-study and learn on my own. But of course, I will need to exercise self discipline.

After staff comm yesterday, I felt so small in the organization, I thought I should quit. Leave this 1 month off my resume and find a new job. At this juncture, dearie and John advised I should stay on and not just give up after 1 month. I actually felt it was more like a no-choice thing. Since I made the decision and given my not-so-impressive track record, I must stay.

I think God gave me an opportunity to strike a conversation with a fellow executive on the way out to lunch today. Apart from blessing me with John as lunch kaki (and free drink which he treated me), I had the chance to start talking to this particular colleague.

After I returned from lunch, I walked over to his seat to talk. We then went on to share our previous working background and our journey with this company so far. There are many similarities between both of us:

1. Both of us are pretty new in the company. He has been here 6 months. This is my 1st month here.

2. We are of similar age. In fact, another fairly new exec is also around the early 30s. So it’s a trend we are seeing here.

3. We were both from SME background.
4. We held accountant positions before this and both were bsbh accountants.
5. Our ex (for me is ex-ex) companies was in Tuas area
6. We stay in Yew Tee

I shared with him my uneasiness on KPIs, work and portfolio. He explained his learning experience and what he observed things worked here. My heart felt so relieved upon hearing his experience. I thought I was the only person feeling useless and alienated. I was not alone. He told me to persevere and hold on too.

I am grateful to have family and friends who form a support group to me and they are the people who give me different perspectives to things. Even ex-colleagues showered concern on how I am getting on. I am in constant contact with ex and ex-ex colleagues. They are friends; more than merely colleagues. I treasure these relationships I build in the last jobs I’ve held. I believe we go to work not merely just to complete tasks set out for us, organizations is made up of people. In every job, we learn to work with people. I am blessed with good colleagues (though there are always some buggers in every workplace) whom I can work well with. Some of them I can even share personal things with. =)

Somehow the road ahead looks more lighted up now. Travelling on is only possible because I know I will always have some hands to hold upon should I stumble.

not-so-happy new year (yet)

Rain is falling. Markets tumbling. Egypt in protest. Cyclone hitting Australia. The world is in somewhat a disaster mode. What a way to start the lunar new year.

We were looking forward to the break over cny but now we aren’t even sure if we can travel back. Many towns in Malaysia are ravaged in floods. We need a hovercraft!

I do hope things will work out and turn out good.

Things at work are somewhat still crawling. Maybe it’ll get better after cny. i do hope there’ll be more than just the shreds and bits I am seeing now. My scope still seems like a big fuzzy image which I still can’t make out. With quite a bit of time at hand, my mind started to wander again. Feeling like Malcolm in the middle, I thought of what it takes to inch forward. Because of the tardy progress in these 2.5 weeks, I am somewhat discouraged.

I found a job description on the server for my position. From it, I thought I actually made 1 step back from where I was previously. I was reminded of what Jamie told me; about finding jobs that bring me forward than backward. Think of a rubix cube. I should be solving the puzzle and getting the colours right more each day. I should not be messing things up more and relearning and creating more havoc. At this 2.5 weeks mark I feel I am creating more mess than good. =(

I accepted this position because I felt I was new in this industry and I should give myself time to perform and move up. But the uncertainty gnaws on me now. It is that impatience bug feeding on my confidence again.

How long do I need to make things work? What if I am here 3 years and still stuck in the executive position? I thought about possibly promoting to senior accountant if i have stayed on in my last company.

What can I do to accelerate my progress? I feel I cannot just sit here and wait for experience to accumulate. There must be more I can do!

Am I starting to regret my decision to move? A little. Is this a good choice? I am not absolutely sure for now. Can I hold on for 3 years? I will try my best to. Will I perform well enough to deserve confirmation? I need a better idea of the KPIs because I don’t see them clearly for now. I will have to draft the KPIs and clarify with my boss once I am sure of my full scope of work.

For now, all I am hoping is to head back to Malaysia asap. Because only by doing so, I can get my mind off work and the company.

no options

i hate the weather; it is making me miss all my runs. argh.

missed yesterday's run. missed this morning's run. so the plan is to run tonight. sleep early and pack another run tomorrow morning perhaps?

haven't got to do my jian shen cao too. but at least this week i am waking and leaving for work earlier. i still need to inch in by another 10mins more on non-running days. my discipline to wake up for runs is still prone to waver. i seem pretty 'deaf' to my run alarms. so, the remedy is to set another morning run alarm 15mins after the first. that leaves me with no excuse to be deaf!

progress at work is still slow. bored much of the time. one manager said they are giving me time to warm up. but i don't want to become a bench warmer =(

i conjured ideas of some noon workouts. i can't do my jian shen cao at my desk though. what choices do i have? we don't have shower facilities either. unless i join a gym. but i don't want to pay for one. so that leaves me with no options except to run in the morning or evening.

then i had ideas of home cooked packed lunch. but what can i cook? something i can cook overnight and just tapao to work? can't think of anything at this point. again, no options.

i managed to play the piano last night but i sounded dreadful. i should (how do i make this a must?) practise more.

there must be something i can do about these! someone help me think of something!

first week review

I was intending to do a first week review on the new job but wondered if it’s a little too early to be reviewing anything. And so I penned words while feeling lost during the first few days of the first week. I shall not publish them as they do seem really immatured.

The advice is I need to give myself more time. It reminded me of the similar helpless feeling during last year. Many things were new then too. Only this time around, it a lot different in terms of organization size, hierarchy, systems and scope.

And so, I am still adjusting. It was heartening during orientation this morning to find another newbie who is as lost as I am. The lady sitting next to me has begun work here 3 weeks ago and comes from a sme background too. we can relate to the ‘waa’ feeling in terms of the way things are done in a sme compared to a big organization.

No matter what, my goal is a minimum 3 years here. I keep repeating this to myself. Even if it’s going to be hard, I must hang on. It’s like the Subaru challenge. If I know I am going to win the car by holding my hand there and not move, I will do so till I pass out. For this case, my career is at stake; something worth more than a Subaru car definitely. I want to make this right and I want my career to be railed on track. For so long I have been moving, wanting to chug up higher onto the mountains. This might just be the break. I am holding on to it. 3 years AT LEAST!

I came up with this little schedule which I printed and pasted into my notebook. It’s a schedule of how I want to work my weeks. I am pretty glad with myself as I managed to wake up around 540am and head out for a run and did a brief core workout. The aim is to clock at least 40-50km a week. If I even can do it, squeeze in a biking session on Sunday early morning.

Apart from this, I allocated time for housework, part time work, meal with mummy and rest & relax time with dearie. =) I hope this helps to organize my life a little better.

Update: I overslept on the run this morning. Argh. I must do better!

small shrimp big sea

3 days into the job. I feel like a little shrimp swimming in a vast ocean. I used to boss around the little aquarium; now I can’t even see the end of the great ‘pool’. I’ve been ploughing through 2 files of treasury information and attempting to make sense of it. The sequence of matters seems somewhat jumbled up as I try to piece the bits together.

There is quite a bit of commotion happening elsewhere and I can’t be of much help. Sigh.

I have been lacking discipline for my morning runs. Trotting around in stilettos is taking its toil on me. Am I trying too hard to fit? Maybe I just lack the poise? I count 4 blisters and 1 bled today. The sight of bleeding made me wonder if I am fitting the right shoes.

I need to get some discipline instilled in myself. First I need to get my runs back again. i cannot make much plans for a marathon but the least I can do it to get more mileage. Clocking 40km weeks are getting harder. Maybe I am lazy. My aim is to maintain my 50km weeks. Now with this new job, evening runs will be difficult. I need to be as disciplined as the Chinese lady who never fails her daily park connector morning runs. i need to sleep earlier. I need to wake up on time.

Then I need to get myself out of house earlier. Aim is to leave home by 7am so I can reach office by 8am. This will give me time to do some reading and have breakfast. Currently I am still 15-20mins behind target. My life has to be pushed forward. Wake up earlier for run. Leave home earlier for office.

I have not much time for piano these days. So it’s good I didn’t rush into buying a grand some months back. I am trying to keep up with reading at least. Reading in the office. Reading on the way to office. Reading on the way home.

I am still getting used to the changes the new job brings. Changing habits is really tough. Sometimes I walk in feel I’m getting out of control. why am I not running as much as I want to? Why do I not have a plan on training these days? Why can’t I play the piano more? Why do I get home feeling so tired that I have not much strength for much? Why am I not cooking more dinners for dearie? I need to find a balance in it all. It is coming to terms with changes and adapting myself to them.

A A A all the way

Another 2 As in the bag! not me! hoho. it's dearie. he has a roll call of 6 As for his masters now. 1 more dissertation and 2 more modules. The finishing line is soooooooooo close now! all the way dearie!

I felt like a small country mouse in the big city. I like the intranet of the company. i like the detailed documentation of the accounts. There are many in-house systems used to capture different information, interfacing from one system to another. It was like waaa.. for us, it has always been excel spreadsheet based. i guess only big companies can afford to have their systems customized. There are many more things i was wow-ing over the entire day, which i shall not say here..else you might find me really like a toad in the well.

Another piece of good news for me. i was told i am given a pay raise for the part time job i am holding. 3 months into the job and i am getting a 12.5% increase in hourly rate. the work i do is really simple - collecting fees, updating collection list, updating contact list, do some cleaning, call students up to remind them of class change.. doesn't need alot of brain power. no politics. nice people. nice boss. i think that is why although i sometimes hate missing runs for work.. i am still holding on. i am intending to hold on to this for a while..because my boss is appreciating my work by giving me a raise =) my work is appreciated; it means alot alot to me. she doesn't need to wait for me to start hinting i want to quit, before she does something.

so, it's a good day. dearie with his AAAAAA. me with a pay raise and new job. that's nice for a start.hoho!

fighter watches the fighter

dearie and i caught this movie at jurong point gv today. the fighter watches the fighter.

the film is more than just fighting. i thought the cast brought life into the roles they played. scores a 9 for me.

turning early tonight for tomorrow's new change.

all done

i left the office at 7pm feeling happy with myself. i have completed what i set out to do before my last day. i sometimes think if i have made a hasty move; indeed 1 year here is somewhat short. i had not intended the job search to be an accelerated one. it was more like a see-look-survey intended exercise, but the position at my dream company opened and i was given a chance to take another step forward.

close to the end of the year i thought i have accustomed myself to the crisis mode of things. did i over-react? or perhaps it was a blessing in disguise.

i start a new chapter on monday. it feels like life in reset; it happened a year ago didn't it? building relationships over again. remembering names. remember which turn to make to my seat. remembering how to troubleshoot the printer if it fails to work.

i wore a big smile yesterday, knowing i have completed all the 2010 required reports. to me it adds the full-stop to the end of the sentence and i am glad i got to do it myself. this week was really hectic, having to work late for 4 out of 5 days. dearie has been my guardian angel - sending me dinner and picking me home. a big thank u to him! =)

he commented yesterday, "i don't want to spoil you ah.. next time it's harder to pick u up liao." =) no problem. next time working late will probably become norm. it's in town and mummy's around the corner. hoho!

we lose some we gain some. we let go to embrace the new.

look through the windscreen to the future. look back the rear mirror sometimes to reflect what we've learnt.

my new grand to say goodbye

my colleagues - amy and sew kin, got me this as farewell gift. they have been hearing so much of my grand dream that they have decided to fulfill it for me =)

gold keys wowowow!

it comes with lights that i can switch on. the crystals disperse the kaleidoscope of lights. in purple.

in blue

in red

and in green!

thank you so much. i love this grand. and i will really miss working with both of you. you have both taught me much and i really enjoyed my year here.

pedas

we have been enjoying blended chilli and cut up yellow/white chilli similar to that in the photo. all the chilli are planted by ma. directly fresh from her garden.

it is numbing hot. dearie has a special concoction to eat them. white chilli with minced garlic, mixed with ma's rocket brand soy sauce and sesame oil. the result, really good chilli that goes with beehoon, mee and anything else!

it made our dinner so hearty, it made the day a little better. oh, not forgetting the 8km run dearie did with me..during which he listened patiently to my rants for the day and kept reminding me to hang on for the next 8 days.

it will end soon. the old will pass and the new will come. =)

thank you dearie for helping me keep sane. thank you dw and john for listening to my rants this afternoon too. i appreciate it.

last post of the 2010

2010 has been an interesting year. i remember the same time last year i was getting ready for a brand new job in the brand new year. history is repeating itself so quickly. 2 more weeks to another new job. after this episode, i learnt that job stability is important. finding a stable company and not having to worry if we will have sufficient cash for payroll.

and so. next company i'll be joining is definitely stable. but of course i am psyching myself up for a challenging time; given the kind of business and organisation.

another year done for dearie's studies. with just another half year ahead, the finishing line is visible now. persevere on dearie! all the hard work will be worth it.

i try to make it a point to see mummy once a week. i feel bad our korea holiday plan will have to be put on hold for a while.. i promise i will realise it once i settle into the new job. =)

with the kindle dearie bought me, i have been able to read more. this has always been something i want to do more and the kindle has helped me achieve that. i also make it a point to read news twice a day - once in the morning, once during lunch time. it helps us understand market movements a little better.

we traded 8 months of equities and have pretty ok realised returns. we have bought in some close year end. let's hope for a rally next year!

training has taken a back seat in our lives this year. while we still do run to stay fit and keep fats away, we no longer train intensively. i still want to make it a point to continue to run as it helps me clear my mind.

i took up exercises recommended by pa and ma. although i have not seen any significant weight loss like pa, but i do find my arms toned up now. it has helped me upkeep my tummy flatness to some extent, although i've been skiving on my core exercises. so my verdict? it works!!

i have done fairly well in terms of my savings this year. i have budgeted forward for next year and hope to save more!

and so my resolutions for the coming year:

1. work hard in my new job
2. save more
3. continue to run and stay fit
4. continue to do 强身操daily
5. bring mummy on a holiday by 2nd half next year
6. keep up with my reading
7. play the piano more?

happy new year everyone!

30/12 minigoals update

1. summarise 2010 expenditure - DONE. gathered interesting insight into my spending. did the pie chart and it all looks clear and colourful.

2. budget 2011 - DONE. expecting to earn a bit more. expecting to spend proportionately more due to higher transportation and food expenses.

3. clear emails - Gmail is down to less than 50 recent emails. yahoo hovers around 240 emails. not much more which i can delete. most of them i am retaining for memory's sake. i'm a good housekeeper.

4. summary list - DONE. not much status update till now. will have to send this out on Mon, let's hope i can close more outstanding issues on my list.

5. plan rest of week - i have more or less listed the things i want to do over fri to sun. wonder what time will i get to leave work tomorrow. hmm!

6. go through accounts - might have to kiv till tomorrow as i need to check the gp report.

7. go home at 6pm - ought to be able to go home at 6pm. dinner for tonight is something light. chicken and egg mayo sandwiches. dessert is passionfruit yogurt. yum yum.

minigoals 30/12

setting some mini goals for today

1. as the year draws to an end very soon, i want to tidy my year's expenditure and tabulate them by categories. i found this good read http://www.investmentmoats.com/budgeting/how-to-budget-with-envelope-budgeting-to-save-money-easily/ in the morning and i want to explore this further. categorising expenses into different envelopes sounds like a great idea. i have the past 1.5years expenses as basis to start from. so long winded. minigoal 1 is to categorise 2010 expenses by type. calculate my annual savings and expenditure.

2. budget for 2011. with 2010 historical i want to forecast the year ahead. i never had a very concrete budget to work with and i think 2011 should be the time to start being more disciplined.

3. housekeeping personal emails. i have cleared up my emails at work. time to sort out personal ones so i start the new year with my bins emptied.

4. update my weekly summary list so that it is ready to be sent out tomorrow. i am taking dw's suggestion to send a summary of updates to my bosses, so they are informed of the status of the various outstanding issues under my care. the point to make is to let them know delays are not caused by my tardiness.

5. plan for tomorrow and weekend. what to do. where to go. what to cook. it is interesting to observe the change in myself. i used to be a person who did not like to be bounded by plans and timetables. in contrast, now i actually like to plan ahead. planning makes me define where i want to get to and how i want to get there. this ought to be a change for the better.

6. look into the dec accounts and ensure we have all the provisions, accruals etc made.

7. finish my work promptly at 6pm. get home. cook dinner. go for my run.

kl foodie galore

we are at the famous fatty crab!

fatty crab's crabs!

fatty crab's good friend - fried rice

these are great starters - fried chicken wings

foodcourt delights are not bad too. this is lam mee

dearie says this is michelle yeoh endorsed lou si fan

dearie had this microwaved terriyaki burger.

crossing the river

I’ve done the interim handover yesterday. Following that, I sent out to my boss (cc the person taking over) the handover list which we discussed on and a list of items I will be targeting to do in the next 2 weeks. I am trying my best to do a good handover. But it takes 2 hands to clap; the incoming person will have to do her part to learn up whatever necessary.

Sent an email to hr to verify my understanding of the repercussions from early release. I hope she understands I want a reply in writing, not phonecall.

My boss said I have to tie up all the loose ends. The matter of fact is, not everything can be completed because it involves external parties whom may not respond at your will. Despite sending numerous emails to follow up, I am just not getting any response. Perhaps it’s the year end when many go on leave. I hope my boss will be understanding enough that I have already tried my best to follow up, but if I am not able to obtain response, she shouldn’t use that as the reason to deny my leave.

We step into the new year on Sat. It is hard to be celebrating because I am still crossing the river to the opposite bank now. Will there be currents which will make the crossing difficult? I don’t know. I only know my goal is the reach the opposite bank and I will do anything to get there.

old and new

i am counting down to the last 17 calendar days at this company. cleared 4000 emails from both inbox and sent folder. now i'm left with less than 50 recent emails.

did housekeeping with the files. my in tray looks fairly empty.

compiling the handover list. it's about 3 pages now.

i have plan A and B for the early release. the final straw is to flash mr m.

i hope i can leave on a good note. i hope she doesn't make things difficult for me.

new year. new things to look forward to.

christmas shopping

christmas weekend has been a blast! dearie and i were up in kl with pa and ma. lots of shopping and eating. hohoho!

will post up photos in a jiffy. in the meantime, i grabbed some graphics off the internet to sum off the highlights of the weekend.

i finally got to try the famous fatty crab!

we stayed at pa's service apartment (fairlane residence), which was just next to lot 10.

dearie bought me my first ever clothes from zara. 1 skirt, 1 pair of pants and a top. i have roamed into zara outlets in singapore countless times but i have never bought a single thing (obviously it's the cost i was concerned with). now i know why so many ladies adore zara..because they do make pretty clothes.

we went into raoul at pavillion too. dearie and i said one day we will dress in raoul! pa looked at a jacket, flipped the price tag and was appalled to find it priced at "RM1,199"!

will share more photos in my next entries. yawn. time to start work now!

baskets full of it

to some it may be measly but it is enough to make me feel good! received my 1 month bonus today! yay! i don't think i want to make myself miserable to compare with peers who may be receiving 3-6 months bonus. i think for my ailing company to payout bonus itself is a miracle. for my boss to actually pay me bonus when i have tendered ahead of 31 dec, is something i am thankful for.

wanted to treat dearie to a good meal tonight and he suggested economy rice. i ended cooking a simple plate of noodles for him.

the plan is to spend a small proportion of it and save the rest. get some new things to pamper ourselves with. and yes, a nice meal with ma and pa when we meet for christmas! it's on me! =D

it's always nice to have a little more to go around.