up or down

i've never experienced a retrenchment in the companies i had been. this is a first. this is the real world. this is survival.

the bleak outlook overhangs the company like plague.

during my easy run earlier, i ran through my answers to probable interview questions. i wish interviews can be more real. but of course there are things i cannot say and things i must learn to paraphrase.

i feel strangely alone. like how dearie and i sat at the stairways of the tokyo subway, eating our bento boxes and watching strangers march by before us. i'm there but i'm not in the crowd.

i keep my fingers crossed. i wait and hope to find a lift which will bring me up, not down. i really do want to know what is it all leading me to. am i drifting further from my goals? am i getting closer? why am i not seeing any thing i can mark my progress by?

i feel strangely lost. in a whole myriad of events happened and happening.