the door slammed in my face, again

Once again tricia has been rejected for studies.

What am I feeling now?

Disappointed.

Tired of trying any more.

Hopeless that I’ll get a chance to do any post graduate studies unless one of the following happens:

1. take a long route of doing a 3 years degree programme with a local university. The government is now offering 40% tuition fee subsidy for those who’ve not done under graduate studies. just that 3 years is a pretty long time for someone my age.

2. go to UK because there are master programmes in UK which value ACCA to a degree.

3. bear through doing the OBU programme with the choice of probably signing up for a course with a education provider.

Without studies, my plans ahead would probably have to be a change of job so that I get to gather more relevant experience. Perhaps take up the tax course? Maybe even learn some skills which I can do free lance work with and earn some money.

There are other choices, just that I am feeling sad to consider them now.

I have faced the 2^nd disappointment which could have been avoided if the institution bothered to check what they write on their website properly. The difference between OR versus AND shouldn’t be that difficult for educated people. Utterly dismayed by this blunder, I don’t want to even weigh out if I want to do the graduate diploma suggested by the staff as alternative.

Tricia has been trying way too hard.

back off, because it’s never meant to be.

work-starved

I am starving of things to do at work. Feeling displaced, I am a little unsure why I am still lumbering here.

There’ll be a department meeting on Thursday to bring up issues for discussion. For I am already filled with a truck full of skepticism, a part of me has already decided that I am going to take on a role of an observer. I am going to observe what changes she’s going to bring about and what she has in store for our development.

My future has been looking bleaker than ever since she came and I am not going to expect things to look better in any time soon. I certainly do not want to waste my time here; hence I am taking the opportunity to study.

I’m holding off till I receive my bonus at year end. That’s what keeps me staying on. if my application for studies is accepted by the university, I won’t mind if she just leave me status quo.

However, if I don’t get into the uni, my contingency plan is to arm myself with relevant experience. This experience, I doubt I’ll get a chance to gather if I continue to stay here. Therefore, I’ll be stepping up on my search for a more suitable job and move off when I find one. (that’ll literally means waving goodbye to bonus)

i prepping myself to accept the worse that may come. Started flipping through recruit since last Saturday. I’ll be spending $0.80 to buy a chance to find something better, every weekend.

Counting down.

…4 days to holiday in KL with dearie and family.

…..3 weeks to find out if I’m accepted into the uni or not.

…….4.5 months to finishing 1.5 years at my current company. This is the breaking point which I will move off with no reservations if I’m not studying and situation doesn’t improve.

tricia's typical week

On Saturday, I handed in my application form for the master of applied finance course with university of Adelaide Ngee Ann, situated within the Teochew Building. I reckon they should get back to me by end of June or first week of July as the term officially starts 11 July.

I’m feeling a little hopeful, reason being they haven’t state in the pre-requisite of 3 years of relevant working experience. I have till date almost 2 years of relevant working experience. And 3 years of not-relevant-to-finance working experience.

It’ll be heartless to give myself no hope but I don’t dare to expect too much as I’m after all a “reject” from the Nottingham mba. in a way, it was a blessing in disguise as I find the master of applied finance more appropriate in many ways more than one.

The thought of embarking into studies stirs me awake. Learning and solving questions keep me on my toes these days and being able to obtain a master degree is a dream I once thought it was too good to behold.

If I do get accepted, I’ll be one step closer to a dream. I am totally aware obtaining the master does not guarantee a promising career in the finance sector. It’s not a ticket to a esteemed position nor a fattened wage package. However, I perceive it as a key that will open more doors.

Open doors are opportunities. Behind each door behold a different career path which I still must take time and effort to plough through. Nothing in this world comes easy, that’s for sure.

I am tenacious about learning and I’ve been thirsting to do some studies. Please do not deny me because I lack the working experience. Give me a chance at it and I promise I will put my all into it.

Having goals and dreams keep us going. That dream hanging in the sky is like the star we chart our direction of travel towards. That goal in front of us is what we keep our eyes on; that keeps us paddling towards.

Life is about find the equilibrium in things.

Tricia does some maths on her life.

i'm a turtle now but i will win the race

I am really proud of my baby who finished 2^nd in the MR25 cross country marathon on Sunday. To me, he’s the most impressive, to think he ran an extra loop out to Rifle Range and managed to finish 1 minute behind the 1^st guy. Imagine if he didn’t do that extra loop out, I’m sure he would have been way ahead. There weren’t many runners on the event that day, as most had opted to go for passion run and the saab duathlon. Not many competitors nor people to pace or chase after during the run. Nontheless, MR remains a tough place to run, especially of a marathon distance. Running alone at most of the course became a personal and mental challenge. A test of willpower to hold on and finish the 4 loops.

Maybe I am just weak but I had to give up after 2 loops because my hamstring pulled my left leg so badly I could not bend it properly. The inability to bend really made going uphill an arduous task. I could still hobble downhill and the flats but going uphill my slow jog was reduced to a walk.

I felt really frustrated as the pull began to set in at less than 12km mark, which I have already tried to delay by running a really slow 1^st loop. I was tempted to turn back but I told myself I would slowly finish the loop even if I had to walk. Indeed I took a long long long time to complete the 2^nd loops, the longest ever for me, of 1 hr 45 mins for a 10.5km route.

It was painful to give up half way but I was not left with much a choice. I felt so sore, so frustrated and so disappointed.

Coach says I’m not peaking yet, just moderating out. I feel I am at a low point now, with this idiot hamstring strain which cripples me totally. I’m thankful for the support dearie, coach, christin, Eugene and also anonymous (who left a comment on an earlier entry). Somehow, having friends and loved ones with me makes going through a low point easier.

God is good and gave me a gentle perk yesterday after the demoralizing run. As we were walking towards toa payoh for lunch, I found a $10 bill on the ground. It brought a smile on my face and I used the money for our you mee lunch. I had wanted to bet $2 on 4D as I was feeling a little lucky. =P unfortunately, the number 2008 was sold out. Oh, why 2008? Because my tag number that morning was 2008. so nice a number, too bad I was a lousy runner.

Christin’s timely reminder made me halt to reflect: I have the choice to see the cup half full or half empty.. indeed. I have always been a person who saw the cup half full, remembering the first time this question was posed to me. and I always reminded myself I want to be a person who would see the cup half full. So in light of that, my consolation is: Too bad I didn’t finish a full marathon, but at least I did a half marathon =)

With the closing of this episode, I have made a resolution to work towards breaking my own pb at the ultra at year end. The same route will be up again. And this time, I will have a previous record of 7 laps (in 10hr 50mins) to break.

On the way out that evening, dearie and I constructed a possible training plan we’ll be undertaking starting from july. It’ll be exciting. It’ll be painful in many ways. It’ll definitely be mental. And I am confident we will emerge from it stronger. Coupled with coach’s training, I hope I will be peak in time to soar for SCSM and then following that, the ultra. I am garnering all I have for these 2 events and my focus and eyes are solely on these 2.

Meantime, I’ll be going through 2 weeks of rehab to let my hamstring strain recover. During this 2 weeks I have set the following guidelines to adhere to.

1. no running of distances more than 10km in a day

2. I will do a lot of aqua running, swimming and gym work to strengthen and upkeep my fitness.

3. biking will begin as I still hope to do PD tri.

4. I will stretch 2 times a day, concentrating more on my legs.

5. I will intake more protein so that it will accelerate muscle repair. Protein intake will be whey as it’s low in fat (good time to clear the whey also)

I leave myself with this quote, “Adversity causes some men/women to break; others to break records”.

I want to break my own record, for myself.

detours are not dead ends

Things took a nosedive and hit a rock bottom for me today. I felt really miserable. When I thought things can’t be any worse than this, it did.

But I still believe God allowed things to happen for a reason and for that reason I will not give up as I know I am living for a purpose.

Dearie spent the night offering his perspective in the situation I am in. I processed through his words and it made a lot of sense to me.

Don’t take detours in life as dead ends. We learn something from it at the end of the day, isn’t it? =)

It’s ok when things go wrong, at least now we learn what the right things to do are.

Thank you, dearie. you are the sane when I go insane. =)

Picking the shattered remnants, I’m making plans for the following:

1. enroll into a school for the obu research in sept 08. by doing so, I’ll be paving my way to the submission in apr 09. I will be exploring another topic for research. This time round, like dearie mentioned, I will be wiser in the selection process so that I won’t hit another road block at implementation stage.

2. I am still looking forward to the tax course at tax academy. I will give it a shot even though I may not get a place as I am not a tax practitioner. But it’s an area I’m really keen on and taking time to study in depth into it might not be that a bad idea.

3. search for a job which will enable me to attain my cpa will start soon. My first step will be to start purchasing the sat’s straits time as its recruit section will be a good resource to what are the other options out there. my move may not come so soon as I’m still hoping to get my year end bonus in December. I’ve worked so hard for it after all! Nonetheless, if I do find a company which is strong in developing staff and a job that’ll bring on new challenges, I might forsake bonus and leap for it!

Dearie is right. I am in no crisis now. I still have a job (which pays me to stare at the monitor most of the time), I have a roof over my head, I have food to fill my tummy (which I am trying to cut down so I can slim down) and I still have my loved ones with me.

It’s just a hurdle I am facing. Be strong, deal with it and emerge stronger from it.

sundown

My first marathon for the year of 2008 didn’t turn out too well. The sundown marathon was flagged off at 12mn of Sunday morning and from my watch I took a 5 hours flat to complete the whole course.

I started with a pretty good pace and I felt really high spirited. However, my energy dwindled down significantly after the 25km mark and the rest just fell into a spiral whirlpool that sucked me downwards.

How my body responded in Sundown:

1. my soles hurt. I’m not sure if it was my shoes or I was just plain fatigued. I never had that issue with saucony and mizuno. My first marathon with the asics gt 2120 and it didn’t seem too pleasant a run with it.

2. my hamstrings pulled. For a moment I wondered if it was my itb that was causing my left leg to be unable to bend, but as I limped on, it felt more like the hamstring than the itb.

post mortem with dearie revealed the following things I have done wrong:

1. I shouldn’t have gone shopping all over town before the race, causing insufficient rest. Should have rested and best get more sleep.

2. I shouldn’t have ran and do gym the night before the race.

3. I shouldn’t have picked up pace so fast into the race. I think I went out too fast too soon.

4. I should have tried running at that time of the night, at that kind of pace for a distance close to actual race day. At least my body would be more prepared to handle the sleepiness and pace.

5. I had itb problem just prior to the race. I didn’t do anything wrong on this. It’s just unfortunate.

6. I lost my temper and got frustrated because I was hoping to do better.

On retrospect, the things I felt I done right:

1. I did not give up, even when I had to limp through the run. I almost gave up because the muscle pull was breaking me..but I told myself I must hang on..especially when dearie has been running beside me through the entire course.

2. I remembered coach’s words and I picked up on the last 4km. he said that’s the point we must pick up because that’s when we can kick ass. I did so as told and I really overtook quite a number of people at the end.

3. mind triumphed over body. As I picked up my pace, I told myself, “pain is relative. If you don’t think of it, it doesn’t exist.” And as I just gathered myself to move into momentum of that we’ve done during training, the pain vanished. I recalled how I hung on to the track training when my itb hurt, and I knew if I can hold through that, I can do it once again.

Picking up the pieces from here, the next race up is mr25’s cross country marathon. This is the targeted race I was hoping to do instead of sundown. However, as the cross country race will have a cut off 5 hours, I am hesitant at this point if I am capable to achieve that. Yet, not giving a shot leaves me sore and unjustified; like why am I not even trying. A least having tried and failed is better than not trying and say I give up.

First on the agenda is to recover fast and get my muscles unknotted. I have arranged with iggy today for a sports massage. Apart from that, I’m staying off running for the next 6 days. The only activity I’ll do is swim and aqua running. I am desperate to recover and I hope my efforts will enable me to run the cross country.

However, should i not recover on time to be racing, i will be there to cheer my dearie on..=)

i am green

yes i'm indeed green (red, blue and purple) with envy. is this really true? starting pay of business graduates at S$3k?

sigh. no wonder i've been seeing so many young people swiping platinum cards these days. imagine, at age 21 they are getting $3k, by the time they are my age, how much would they be getting? $4k? $5k?

i can't help but compare. maybe i'm just not lucky enough to chance upon opportunities like that. i think i ought to start wearing more red lingerie soon.

fuel prices up up and away

fuel price has been soaring rapidly recently. i find it near madness as to how drivers are going to keep up with it.

going forward, i reckon we should resort to more environmentally friendly methods of commuting: cycling and running to work.

creating shower facilities at the work place would save more money for most of us in the long run and running/cycling definitely would yield favourable health benefits. in addition to all that, we lessen the air pollution in this country.

only brickbat: government earns less from road tax, gst and erp.

with lesser singaporeans travelling to jb, it'll ease quite abit of the traffic jam at the checkpoints. that might help contain spending within singapore and yield some economical benefits for us in the long term.

the ban was not singapore initiated, not within our control. taking it positively, singapore must learn to depend on its own. rising fuel prices affect the entire world, not just us. it's not surprising that each country will have to protect themselves.

to the oil-producing countries, it just fattens their pockets by multitudes. the rich becomes richer, the poor, poorer - the widening of disparity gap. maybe one of these days, a movement can be started worldwide to reduce the use of petrol. give up your cars. walk, run or cycle to commute. resort to rustic ways of generating energy. cut use of electricity. maybe only such drastic decrease in demand of fuel, can we create an impact to curb rising fuel prices.

lego bits

Christin’s email was thought provoking and caused me to implode into my own life. In some ways, I’ll derive that things goes down to perception; how I choose to perceive.

I very much know what I want and where I want to be at, just the route to get there doesn’t seem so clear and certain. Maybe that’s where faith comes in, knowing that I don’t deserve it yet still stretching my arms out to grab hold of it.

There are times we walk to a very dark corner in our lives, somehow the front seems like a dead end. Yet in the undefined gloom that’s where senses become most acute. When we don’t depend on sight, we go by gut feel, touch and faith.

I’ll say don’t look back because there’s little significance in dwelling in the past. Only the way ahead is within our control to change.

Perceive life like playing lego. Each lego block with undefined possibilities, like the events that happen every day. What would you like to build today? A house? A plane? A crane?

There’s endless possibilities. You define what these possibilities are. =)

hope wish dream

I’ve been quite free at work as I wait for the reports to be reviewed before I can make further amendments to it. hence, I’ve been doing more reading for my research. I’m not sure if it’ll proceed as I hope it will; reason being I would need to run a survey through the group of companies and I’m not sure how supportive the management would be with that. I’m trying to gather help from the HR manager, who hasn’t quite gotten back to me yet.

Meantime, I’ve started drafting my research draft introduction and filling in the flesh into the research paper skeleton.

After resolving to save money, I had a God-sent today from my boss. He bought prima deli waffle for all of us in the department and that filled my tummy on top of the bread I had for lunch. Woowee! I paid nothing for a filling lunch. =) (tricia’s such a cheapo…)

So, that marks a good start for my thrifty-tricia june endeavour. i’ll impress all of you with my minimal expenditure! Wait and see.

After the stint at taka, I’ve been wondering how I can earn more extra allowance, without having to be squashed in pasar malam crowd. Being the slug I am, I’m hoping to earn money without the suffering. Bleah.. nothing comes for free in this world hor?

I’ll be putting some of the things I’m not really using for sale up soon. Just to exchange them for some cash since I won’t need them much. tonight I’ll pull them out and get photos taken..post them online..and then start selling =)

At the moment I’m hoping/wishing/dreaming for:

1. a sideline job which I can earn extra for saving.

2. an opportunity to be exposed to some taxation work. maybe somewhere I can volunteer and learn? Like a part time internship programme of some sort?

3. significant progress in my research paper

4. scholarship to study will fall from the sky

Hoping, wishing and dreaming..

the value of hard work

The weekend that has just passed was tiring. Dearie and I worked at taka’s talking hall as folding-clothes-statues, just to earn a little more. I hated the feeling of being squeezed around and seeing people toss and throw the clothes which I’ve just nicely folded, all over the place. it was like a pasar malam with the crowd which didn’t appreciate cycling jerseys and hydration belts. They were sneering at how small the fuel belt bottles are and how the amount of fluid would not be sufficient for runs.

Whatever that is, I’m just thankful we made it through the “suffering”. It seemed as hard as interval training! Oh yea, talk about training. I pulled my ITB since eco-xcapade and training has been dragged down by it.

I couldn’t last through sat’s training, having to slow down and at some point hurt so much I had to walk. I am just hoping it’ll heal soon for sundown. Meantime, dearie has been giving it good massages and I’ve been applying a whole lot of Chinese ointment on it. please please please heal! Dearie suggested we run with full length cw-x for try-out and also to keep my itb compressed on Tuesday velocity run. I concur to that and I’ll be taking things easy until sat.

I’ve been spending quite a lot through the week and I’ve given myself a challenge for the month of june. I’ll only spend on groceries (with no junk food) and wedding stuff. No more self-appeasing retail therapy and no wasting of money on things unnecessary.

i’ve got to be wiser in spending because money is really very hard to earn. this is something I understand from deep in my heart because we’ve toiled hard to keep every cent. Because it’s hard earned, hence we learn to treasure it more.

starting with the end in mind

I feel accomplished today, notwithstanding my training that fell short because I rested yesterday and will be meeting my mum, Bimo and Johnny later this evening. Never mind about falling short in training. I don’t get to spend time with family and friends all the time. there’s always another day for training.

After gathering the information from the library last weekend, I’ve finally had the time and energy to redraft my research survey. The first draft was crap in my view. Ambiguous, undefined and not purposeful. I didn’t know what I was trying to find out. I didn’t know if I’ve gotten the topic right in the first place too.

Out of desperation, I scoured the net and emailed a lady professor from a university just to gather some help. I’m thankful that she graciously replied to my queries, despite I wasn’t a student from her university. She gave me very valuable pointers that made me venture into the library for more information. This time I wasn’t just going to the general reading section; I stepped into the reference section and found just what I needed.

Today I managed to arrange the information into a constructive survey. Something deliberate and purposeful. A piece of work I am proud and satisfied with. I sent it to dearie, christin and to my mentor for review.

Starting with the end in mind. That’s something I learnt today. By knowing where is the end point you want to reach, gearing towards it becomes a whole lot simpler.

tio ah!

i need to strike lottery..toto..4D..whatever.

show me the money!

wait, i need to start buying them first. =(

what matters most

One person who holds a significant place in my life, apart from my dearie, is my mother. Yesterday evening was an emotional one for her and as I saw her home, I couldn’t help shedding tears to the pain she had been going through.

I penned a mail to her, 3 pages long (small notepad), telling her there is a lot more to life and many things worth our time and efforts, instead of mulling over things that did not work out the way we hoped they would.

I wrote in Chinese.. and shared with her..

Is life really unfair? We often feel it is, isn’t it? it only becomes unfair when we compare with the people around us; accounting what they have, hence realizing what we haven’t got compared to them. For example, mr x has a 3 storeys bungalow..drives a posh car and owns investment all over the world. Oh dear! Life’s not fair! I only have a HDB flat. No car. No investment (except my bikes).

Stop and think again. If we haven’t compared and instead give thanks for what we have, probably we won’t feel life’s not fair. God is fair. Life is fair. We have some, we don’t have some. I don’t have a bungalow but I have a flat which gives me shelter. I don’t have a posh car but I have ez-link card to commute. I don’t have investments all over the world but I have relationship investments with the loved ones around me. I don’t invest money but I invest time and love to people which yields returns that can never be quantified by money. Relooking now. is life unfair? Not really so.

It’s only human to want more and weigh things in monetary terms. I do not deny that I sometimes compare myself with others and wished I had more money to do the things I want. It’s carnal. It’s realistic. It’s human. Nothing wrong about that in my view.

Yet most importantly, out of all the whines and complaints, we must know what is lies paramount in our hearts. Is it money?

Simple exercise, let’s all spare a few minutes and do this.

Think about 3 things or events brought a smile to your face in the last 3 days.

What are they?

For me, my 3 events are:

1. having training with my Team and then sitting around the canteen eating cream based pasta, chatting and laughing.
2. going shopping with dearie and helping him choose suits for our big day.
3. hugging mummy and telling her she is important to me before I left for home yesterday.
   

What are yours?

Rendezvous at NLB

For the first time since the Central Lending Library opened, I have not ventured further than its basement 1, which I would head straight for all these while. On Sunday, dearie and I went up to the 8^th storey and spent the entire noon in its business and arts reference section. I got my hands on the Watson Wyatt’s publication which I felt was the best publication I have had the opportunity to go through thus far. The survey that was done is relevant to my research paper and after having spent 4 hours perusing through it and typing it out into a summarized report of my own, I am now sure of what information I want to capture and how I am going to structure my survey.

Dearie kept me company through the entire afternoon and was the chocolate dispenser, discreetly popping m&ms into my mouth. Next time we’re going to bring a bigger bag of it!! =P

The ambience of the library is conducive for reading and learning. I liked the light that filled the library with glow and warmth.(the air-con got colder in the late noon) the collection of books is comprehensive and I will definitely return to do more reading. It’s a good escape from the usual distractions at home – bed, television, running shoes. I could just read, process the information and make sense out of what I read. Thumbs up for the national library board! (now could you please write off the fine outstanding? Grins)

I hope I haven’t bore dearie much as he patiently stayed beside me till I finished doing reading. Thank you for your time. I truly appreciate it.

team runfanatics: no pain no gain

The weekend that has just passed was one that I found exceptionally fulfilling. Team Runfanatics had our inaugural track training with Sham which was despite being painful (think: lactic acid build-up on your legs), was very insightful. I never quite had a running coach who would observe what I was doing and corrected my mistakes. The only person who came closest was dearie who constantly reminded me of my running posture and breathing method. He was the only coach I’ve had all these while. Sham graciously offered to coach Team Runfanatics and everyone who was present that day would definitely agree with me that we’ve benefited much from it.

Honestly I’m really looking forward to continue training with the Team and under Sham’s coaching. People from our Team share the same passion of running and fervently desire to improve. With that common embraced goal, training becomes fruitful. We put in our 101% and I believe when we do our best, we will gradually yield the results of hard work sowed.

No pain, no gain!

runfanatics track training

Sleepy day. I’ve been yawning a lot today.

I managed to pull through 1.5km of swim yesterday with dearie’s encouragement. Today I’ll be going home early to clean up the place a little before heading out for abit of speed training if possible.

Runfanatics will be having track training this Sat. the anticipated training looks really painful but I’m sure it’ll do us a lot of good in the long run. Dearie and I will be biking there, and we’ve arranged to go swimming with Eugene and Isabel after the hard run. Just a slow recovery swim will be nice for the sore muscles.

Sunday I’ll be heading to lee kong chian library to get my hands on the Watson wyatt workasia journal. That’s something I’m desperate to read of as it’ll be helpful to my project.

I’m hoping to do some biking with dearie on Sunday as we’ve got to get ourselves into the momentum of biking.

Got to plan on making a trip to Bangkok to get cw-x. dearie’s knees have been giving him a lot of problems and cw-x should be a likely remedy. Cw-x is not readily available in Singapore, unlike skins and 2xu which are now brought in by local distributors. The nearest locations around asia to get cw-x are only Bangkok, phuket and japan. I wonder if skins might help as there is someone selling skins at prices cheaper than peninsular. However, like dearie pointed out, cw-x has a stabilizing wrap around the knee whereas most of the other brands doesn’t. in terms of technology, I think cw-x is still one step ahead of its competitors.

crash boom bang but still alive

My research paper hit the brick wall recently. I found myself stuck in a dead end, not knowing what to do next. I was on the verge of turning back and restarting from square 1 again.

Dearie kept me going and told me whatever I’ve read will not go to waste. It’ll always be knowledge that’ll come in useful one of these days.

I wasn’t ready to accept defeat so easily. As I was rather free yesterday, I took the research guide and re-read each line thoroughly. Further to that, I pored through all 20topics listed on the suggested list and segmented them under different broad topics. Having done that, I gained another perspective of the entire research paper.

Hence forth, I relooked into the survey I’ve drafted earlier and reorganized it again to be more deliberate in the attempt to collect data.

Strive on, tricia. The degree is the goal, keep moving towards it and I’m sure I WILL get there.

biking with E&E

it's been a long long long while since i last biked on the road. i've been doing occasional spinning on my bike but that's about it.

this morning, dearie and i biked with eugene and evan. woww.. the feeling of wind blowing hard in my face is still as endearing as ever. i must say i've slowed down alot through time..so i do have to gradually pick up again.

the company i had made the difference. i'm so thankful eugene and evan came down early so that i can join them for the ride. they have planned to start much later..but as i have to rush for the company bus, hence i requested them to start at 430am..imagine..for them to reach mandai at 430am, they probably had to leave home at 4am..but they still went the extra mile, so that i can be a part of the fun.

eugene accidentally clipped his wheel between the drain cover and suffered some injuries. i do hope he's ok. i feel bad because we should have stopped a while more but because i had to rush home, he still pressed on with us. thank you, bro.

i do hope we will be able to bike regularly together..because i really enjoy their company.

dearie stayed on to wait help eugene with the flat..and then rushed home, wanting to fetch me to bt gombak to catch the bus. fortunately i got home at 6:05am, showered and was still early to catch the company bus. =)

oh yes, RUNFANATICS had their inaugural run last friday. we did a 35km from eugene's place to mt alvernia and then back. it was a fantastic run! like the bike ride, the company made all the difference.

we'll keep this going..and keep the group together! i'm so glad i'm part of a family of friends who share a same passion.

totoro AGAIN!

look at the totoro keychain..totoro holding bag going to run away.

TOTORO!!!!

dearie bought me TOTORO!!!! i love totoro!! it's my favorite cartoon character. nothing beats it!

my first totoro toy..dearie got me the totoro keychain too. it's real one ok..very expensive.. i hope i can collect more of them..

curry udon billy tricia style

we cooked curry udon today..it tasted exactly like the one we had at kopitiam ..our version is much much cheaper and we could have like 2servings each! slurpo!

long week out of office

i spent 3 days of the week at ICPAS doing the corporate taxation course. it's been a good refresher and update for me. taxation has always been a pet subject and it's been my ambition to go into tax consultancy during my school days. however, life doesn't always go the way we want them to..some how i never got around practising tax.. i find the course insightful..and things seem to make alot more practical sense, now that i encounter quite a bit of them in my present work.

it's a good break out of office work..but unfortunately i've been feeling unwell since last week end.. i managed to push myself to run 10km on mon and another 10km yesterday..but today my body succumbed to the cold bug..and i'm now sitted here, after class, typing an entry for my blog, instead of going for a swim at clementi.

let's keep my fingers crossed for now as i hope to recover on time to enjoy the labour day holiday tomorrow. it'll be such a pity if i had to be bed bounded because of cold on a public holiday.

back tracking, i have wanted to blog my thoughts on monday but i missed doing so.. alot of thoughts went through me as i trotted along in the crowd on monday morning. i felt much like an alien out of place; the people around me dressed to kill, while i was like a punk in 3/4 pants and a faded shirt.

working in the prestige central business district of the country demands dressing of certain calibre. there were so many coach clutch bags hovering around, i wondered if all of them are genuine coach.

somehow, i was thankful that having to work in tuas, i don't have to dress in a manner as such. if i'm required to, i'll probably spend a good proportion of my wages on clothes, bags and shoes..leaving little for savings.

on the other hand, i was envious. i wondered when would i get to be a part of this clan of working class. dressing well indeed would boost one's confidence by a whole lot..and being able to work in shenton way would probably mean i'm an employee of a pretty reputable company. well, of course i must hold a decent position in the reputable company to hold the need to dress well to work each day.

wow. imagine that. tricia and her power suit dream again.

i think the fever has burnt my brain a little.

goodbye ct

Yesterday was ct’s last day with us. I’m pretty reluctant to see her go as she’s a nice supervisor who has given everyone in the department a fair chance to learn and undertake new challenges. She is one person who has excellent personal relation skills..but somehow, something along the way must have gone a little off course causing her to leave. I’m getting used to not having her around to guide me. It’s not easy as I am still not totally versed with the work she has handed over to me. I guess things just need to be learnt, just like rules.

In a week’s time, a new financial controller will take over. This leaves many of us wondering what other changes that may come with. What kind of person will she be like? Will she implement a lot of changes which we have to work and adapt to? I can only tell myself that I’ve got to stay optimistic and ensure the rest of the team remains united.

rules rules

I spent the weekend understanding the meaning of being rich and affluent. As I stood there waiting for time to go by, I observed the people that came and went through the aisle.

Every game has its rules; some of them a pain in the neck, some of them a little easier to adhere to. No matter what rule it is, like it or not, you either play according to it or you’ll be kicked out of the game. I was pretty appalled how restrictive the rules were but I reckon it’s just a matter of getting used to.

if only money grew on trees

I’ve been surveying for the air tickets and stuff for the planned Melbourne trip.. as we were considering the possibility of doing the Gold Coast marathon instead, hence I was comparing the prices.

Lo and BEHOLD!! thanks for the soaring fuel prices, to fly to Melbourne or Gold Coast would cost at least $1k per person. Just on air travel alone, that’ll set us back a good $3k. that’s really crazy. I had been under the impression that air tics are in the $600+ range. I guess that was the outdated rate, 3-5 years ago.

It’s really disheartening to know how little my bonus can cover.. and just for us to go on a trip, it’ll really require quite a substantial budget.

Talking about budget, budget airlines aren’t that budget after all. Perhaps what it means is that it’s meant for people with a decent budget.

Flying to Melbourne via jetstar is $1.3k while via Qantas (which is NOT a budget airline) would only cost $1.1k. and the funny thing, if I can get 1 more person to fly, getting a package to fly with SIA (mind you, SIA leh), only cost $1,087 per person.

I think budget airlines better rethink the whole concept of what they mean by budget.

On one hand I frankly do not have that big a budget to bring us all to Melbourne and have a good time (don’t have to stay in budget hotels). But on the other hand I don’t want to disappoint my family as we’ve been talking so much about it.

Now that I think about it, my colleague’s idea of going to a beach in Malaysia is a wise way to get a relaxing holiday without burning a hole in the pocket.

I can virtually see my dollar shrinking in light of inflation.

Dearie suggested we swim to Australia. Not too bad an idea. Just that mum we’ve got to put on a buoy and drag along. If we can do that, we can probably top Kapas Marang next year.

The feeling is likened to being run over by a car driven by the rocketing prices of commodities. Even going for a holiday is becoming such a woe to plan for. Now having a clearer pictures of how much it would actually cost, I probably might need to save up for a year more.

I have all reasons to be envious of those who get to fly all over. It’s now becoming a luxury good to fly, mind you.

In aid of my shallow pocket issue, I’m habouring intentions to bury my money in the pot of soil and hope a little tree springs up with more money on its branches.

Yea, tricia’s fat hope: if only money grew on trees.

cool in shades

have you seen how cool we looked in shades recently? =P dearie wears his briko and i'm with my rudy project.=D

personalised fridge

dearie bought pretty fridge magnets and we have a personalised fridge!! =)

the real red gem

dearie said that the earlier photo isn't mine..so i've uploaded the authentic red gem. heh.. it even has "billy & tricia" engraved at the back. so it's the one and only one!!

the slacker speaks

Jaszy is giving up her slot for sundown marathon..and I am taking it up. wow. i better be doing more mileage because it’s only 6 weeks away. Dearie will be pacing with me.. so that makes the whole journey a lot more fun!

It’s been raining a lot these days and it’s really spoiling my training plans. The humidity and all can really make training tough. Hot, humid, sticky and breathlessness.

I’ve got today to finish 2 reports, 1 reconciliation and 1 investigation to do. honestly, my brain isn’t working much today. Hehe.

Managed to get myself out of bed to do a much needed spin. Though I only got to spin for 30mins, that was a good effort. I’ve slacked on my spinning because it can really get boring spinning on the spot for an hour. Then again, I have to confess, it’s not just spinning I’ve slacked on, I’ve been slacking for everything. =S

bee lan and sook sun treated us all to pizza yesterday. i ate 2.5 slices for dinner yesterday. wa lao. damn fattening. good thing i made up a bit with 3 loops of underground run and 5km chancery run with dearie and thomas.

i really got to run alot more than what i am doing now. if not how to survive the sundown as well as the x-country marathons?

the slacker speaks. eats. and resolves to start running.

little red gem

i received the 1st part of bday gift from dearie. it's a pretty red shuffle. i call it the little red gem.

8km couples run

Wow wee junior juice! We did a 39:30 for the 8km couple’s run. Dearie says it’s lesser than 8km la. But I’m just happy we did better than what we had targeted for: 45mins. =)

i let go to behold

Time and experience changes us. Our values change, beliefs change and perspective change.

Not too long ago, I thought all I wanted was to put in more hours to work, so as to earn more. Having picked up a part time job through the weekend, I reaped a humble sum of money for the effort I had put in. Nonetheless, in the recent year, dearie opened my eyes to the other things worth my “investment” of time too.

What differs is: these investments do not reap an immediate pay cheque at every month end.

What’s similar: they require me to put in constant hours and it’s a commitment, like a job.

These investments call for discipline and a relentless effort to learn. I must continue to look for areas I have to fill and keep my head up when navigating through the labyrinth of unknown seems daunting.

In return, I will reap a progression in career which would often come with a more attractive pay package. Granted an increase inflow of monetary gain, I will have greater financial liberty.

With all my 2 hands can hold, I have loosened my grip on one lasso – my part time job. It is through the letting go that I can now grasp another – learning.

I gave up what is immediate to pursue that which is long term. Apart from that, I gain some time to train more!

As I envisage an ideal Sunday.......

Morning: bike training+brick run / Inline skating / join a training group?

Late morning: have a good breakfast and 1-2hours of rest

Noon: Go NLB to research, read materials, do research

Evening: Have dinner with mummy

Rest early to get ready for work on Monday.

Saturday

Morning: Catch an early swim

Learn inline skating! (for apr-may)

Noon-evening: Go shopping with mum/ do research

all that to behold. life will never be the same again.=)

climb on, tricia

A quick recap on the week gone past

28 march 08

I had a dreary day especially with the rain and all. I dragged myself to jurong west sports hall but I couldn’t find enough energy to step foot into the gym. Lugging the heavy bag of books, clothes and shoes, I slugged to the library. After book-dropping the burden away, I met dearie who gave me a comforting hug which made the depression go away.

29 march 08

We went back to segamat early in the morning but still found ourselves stuck in the jam for an hour. Like ling put it, “mas selamat is indeed a legend”. Look at all the inconvenience he has brought to our lives. Argh!!

We ate through the weekend till 30 march and found our pants have shrunk much in size, although we haven’t put it into the laundry.

Tomb-sweeping brought an element of family togetherness which in its essence to me, was more than paying respect to the deceased but a chance for family to come together and do something as one. I enjoyed it and we’re still hoping the “lucky numbers” we’ve conjured out of the event would bring us some luck. Haha. Wait for this evening! Keeping our fingers crossed.

01 april 08

I had a bad flare up of skin allergy in the morning. I had patches of red all over my forehead and cheeks. I was tearing as I looked at my horrid face. Good thing I was given a jab and it all subsided.

02 april 08

Had a brief talk with ct and was told of the promotion of everyone in the department. I kind of feel like the only one left behind but I guess there’s no other position I can promote to, except the accountant position which I am far from eligible of. So I guess I’ll stay status quo, work for my degree, do whatever courses I need to equip myself with and make sure the next jump from here would be to an accountant position. I give myself 3 years and I’m through with 1 year already. 2 more years to go. hang on tricia. I’ve got dream and ambition, so let these drive me on.

It’s alright, tricia. Just fight on. I suddenly feel the urgent press for myself to acquire as much experience and knowledge as possible. I must not stagnate. I must keep going up. Tricia, climb on!

race plan revisited, losing some yet gaining more

we've revisited the race plan earlier made and made some revision to it.

Majority of the races would be running events, with 2 tris and perhaps 1 du.

Races keep training focused and jazz up boring work days.

In an overview, we will be doing 1 race per month, with some runs with groups slotted in as well.

i'm looking forward to having more time to train in the morning on weekends.. working on the weekends from day to night really wears me out and often i'll end up sleeping in because i'm just way too tired to drag myself out for a bike ride. now as i set the part time job aside, i'm hoping to be able to do early morning bike rides, brick runs, join safra running club maybe and still have time to slowly enjoy a good breakfast. best thing is being able to rest through early afternoon then pick up on studies in late noon..and to end off the nice weekend, join my mum for dinner =) that is the ideal which i hope to be working towards.

i lose earning extra savings but i gain time for myself and with my loved ones. it's an exchange. every choice comes with an opportunity cost.

like mum and mr guava both commented, and which i concur, i just have to be a bit more thrifty and i can still save as much, without the part time job.

tricia, you must hang on. =)

waiting and thinking

Going in hand with the 2008 budget, those pursuing undergraduate studies will now receive more subsidy than before. I checked out unisim website and read that students can receive up to 40% subsidy on tuition fees. Wow. I would really love to utilize that substantial subsidy the government is offering; I would love to experience varsity education as well. but I guess I’m going to be left off the bandwagon as it’s only available for those pursuing undergraduate studies. Argh. I hope they’ll extend it further to post graduate studies as well.

I don’t think I will give up obu to do a 3years stint with unisim.

Meantime, let’s hope when I eventually get to realize my NTU dream, the subsidy would have reached out to postgraduate studies too.

I’m suddenly pretty free during this 2^nd half of the day, eve of Good Friday holiday. I’m awaiting for the confirmation to come back before I can email it back to HK, I am waiting for the FD to be renewed so that I can pass entries, I am waiting for the POs from Indonesia and hence, that leave me waiting with nothing much on hand to do.

Snaking around, I’m jotting my thoughts now and soon will proceed to forward enquiries to Mr Yong on OBU.

On the happy note, the skies are drying up. There are still occasional showers but it usually doesn’t last the entire day.

Mr Guava said once the trail gets drier (not muddy), we’ll start running macrit. Wee!! I love the idea of it. running off road is a whole lot more fun than tarmac pounding. At least I’ll get to wear those underutilized TNF shoes. Got to quickly wear them off before I can get the Salomons.

My hope is to do the x-country marathon. So I hope weather holds in order to allow training to proceed.

I’ve been considering the link between the motivation factors with accounting. It’s a degree on applied accounting, not simply human resource management. The obvious is how motivated staff, being more involved in the organisation’s business, would unleash profits. But how much of the project should be on the factors? What proportion of it should it be on the effects?

Questions questions questions…. I am a little..lost.

there's truth in this

extracted from a book on human resource management.

it can be so true, isn't it?

if and only if

I think I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. The rain makes me sulk. Being able to run on a dry day is bliss. I will soon become a depressive if the rain does not come to a halt soon.

I haven’t made any good progress in my hill training recently. my best time for yesterday’s hills is 2 seconds slower than my personal best last month. Bleah.

I started on a new workout I found on runner’s world magazine. I’m not expecting it to work miracles on slow-coach tricia, but I would try any methods that’ll keep me running harder.

After much deliberation, I decided to quit the job at RL. There are 3 reasons I would keep staying on and handfuls of reasons I’ll want to leave. After weighing out the opportunity costs, I felt to opt out of the job is the better option. There was already some accumulation of unhappiness through the months and I felt by staying on it would just add on to it. Instead of letting myself become more disgruntle with the situation, I’ll rather bail myself out of it now.

If, and only if (dream on), things could end a good note, I hope I could get that $200 voucher that I thought I should have be entitled to but never gotten. Yati once helped me ask about it but as the pre-requisite was to clock 240hrs in 3 months, I never got close to it. Not even after working there for the past 2yrs+, not even when I have been running with velocity since its founding days. I remember recce runs with Kelvin, Sebastian, Thomas, mr guava and iskandar before we launched velocity. I remember organizing a trail relay challenge, which I managed to gather a small group of velocity runners for a morning of fun at macritchie. so I thought I was a volunteer, but to management, I’m not.

It’s disappointing how the system works some times. i'm tired of being a pawn on it.

Well, i guess the last thing I could get for myself for all the work done is a decent testimonial.

I learnt from my part time work: don’t expect too much, so there won’t be disappointment. The more you hope for, the more disappointed you’ll be when it doesn’t happen. When you expect nothing and something comes along, it’ll be an added surprise.

All I am asking for a testimonial and nothing more, so don’t relinquish the little hope that remains.

shoo rain

I hate rain, most of the time.

I only love the rain when I’ve finished my work, completed my training and I’m ready to jump into bed. The rain makes it cooling for a nice sleep.

Yet, 90% of the time I hate it.

I hate getting my shoes wet and having to wear them on makes my feet cold and damp. I feel like it’s ready to go mouldy already!

The rain makes the atmosphere so humid; it takes eons to dry my laundry.

I hate not being able to train – no running, no swimming and no biking outside. I hate hate hate it.

The cold weather makes one go hungry fast. And in turn, I end up eating more.

No exercise + More food = Fat Tricia

I feel miserable when it rains. I can only stand indoor, look up into the sky and lament, “when is this going to stop?”

Rain, rain, go away!

going on & giving up

I had a shitty task to do yesterday and I confess I grumbled at the start of it.

Why am I doing it?

Shit. So many pages. When am I going to finish?

Can tie or not? So many entries, I make one mistake that’s it. can’t reconcile again.

They didn’t manage to reconcile it last year what.

I whined, I ranted and I had to curb a temper that was flaring from within.

But I peservered.

As mr guava sms-ed me to pacify me, the better part of me gradually took over.

I can do it.

I must tie it.

Who says they can’t do it last year means I can’t do it this year?

Jia you. finishing soon. I can do it by today.

Before I leave work today I must make sure I reconcile this.

With almost 7million worth of transactions, 25+56 pages of listing from both companies and a $300k difference to reconcile, I did it.

Yes, I did it before I left work yesterday. At the stroke of 5pm, I stood up with glee, yes! I reconciled it!

There was a sweet sense of satisfaction, akin to the feeling of crossing the finishing line at the end of a marathon.

I’m just glad I didn’t give up on the task, nor gave up on myself.

Sometimes, it’s that bit of perseverance that makes the difference from going on and giving up.

luck? work harder

christin and i met up for a brainstorm session(obu paper).. it was not just a good time of talking about the project, we shared updates in our lives too..and before we parted for the night, we cheered each other on to press on in life..

i sms-ed her.. "we must work hard for our dreams..because we have dreams, so that hard work is worth it".

i like what i found in my fortune cookie last wk for it reminded me not to lament on not being lucky..but to review on myself whether i've worked hard enough.

"Don't always depend on luck, work harder".

reach for the dream

Dreams. We talked about dreams yesterday.

We dream that one day we would be successful. I dream that one day I would be dorned in a powersuit armed with my laptop and carrying myself with diginity and pride.

I dream one day I would do well enough to get into a varsity. I always feel this is a part of my life I missed out on – to be a part of a large varsity, to study within a campus. I’ve never experienced campus life, I’ve never gone through a convocation nor shook a dean’s hand. I dream one day I can do that.

Amusingly, my dream 2 years ago during this same time of the year was to complete an ironman. My whole body and mind just felt it was a dream I must pursue and I must accomplish in my life time. To my own dismay, I’ve never attained that dream.

Knowing mr guava changed my perspective. I began to ask myself what matters more in life. at the end of the day, I could cross the finishing line of the ironman race but yet still be a nobody in life. doing ironman does not make a nobody turn into somebody. (neither does going to jean yip do that)

What makes a nobody become somebody is how hard ms nobody is going to work and strive. To upgrade myself constantly, to read vivaciously, to learn keenly and to love with no inhabitation. There’s a limitless sky up there to soar on; don’t just be satisfied rolling in the mud pile.

I am telling myself I’m not going to resign stopping where I am now. I must move on and move UP. The desire to learn should be like an interminable thirst that has to be quenched; a flame that has to be fuelled constantly.

The voyage to greater heights can often be peppered with hindrances – treacherous storms and towering waves. Nonetheless, I know when I look over my shoulder, there will be people I love, standing by me all the way.

Knowing the goal makes getting there, a whole lot easier. =) and the process, a whole lot more meaningful.

Reach (Gloria Estefan)

Some dreams live on in time forever
Those dreams, you want with all your heart
And I'll do whatever it takes
Follow through with the promise I made
Put it all on the line
What I hoped for at last would be mine

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
I'm gonna be stronger
Know that I've tried my very best
I'd put my spirit to the test
If I could reach

Some days are meant to be remembered
Those days we rise above the stars
So I'll go the distance this time
Seeing more the higher I climb
That the more I believe
All the more that this dream will be mine

If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
Im gonna be stronger
Know that Ive tried my very best
Id put my spirit to the test
If I could reach

rl woes

I thought about devoting more time into the upcoming research paper. I’ve yet to get into full gear ahead but I thought if I would want to put more weekends into it. that’ll probably jeopardize my job at rl..which I’ve been hanging on for a few reasons. I’ve got to rant about the fact that discounts are no longer attractive nor are there any sponsorships I’ve heard about for this year. There are no pull factors, apart from the pay, that’ll make me want to stay on.

It started pretty well, to be honest. However, there’ve been so much cut in the perks these days. In fact, mr guava would be getting $200 sponsorship for being a volunteer runner, but how about me? (being there on Tuesdays for the runs, for nothing!bleah!) I’ve worked for 2yrs+ at rl and I’ve never qualified for this sponsorship either.

Seems like being a volunteer counts better than being a part time staff.

Sian.

If I quit being a staff, mr guava would still be entitled to staff purchase for being a volunteer. And I might just sign up as volunteer too, anyway when mr guava goes for the runs, I’m always there too.

1 more month before announcement of pay increment. Let’s pray I get one that’s substantial enough, then I’ll probably quit rl.

So much for rl woes. On the flip side of the coin, by working 5mths at rl, I’ll be able to afford the pink sony cr-35! Vanity! Vanity!!

oh look! the cr35 in white which mr guava says it's pretty!

sweet fetish

As we were conversing in the car during the weekend, mr guava brought into perspective the likelihood of getting a new laptop if my studies require. I’ll definitely be working a lot more on the laptop and when I have to present my research paper, I must have my own laptop to do so. I can’t possibly borrow ct’s laptop (she has to work too) and I’m currently using a desktop in the office.

However, as I tussle with the vanity, I know my dell laptop is working well (erm,notwithstanding the occasional virus alert pop-up) and the only thing I often whine about is its size and weight. Apart from that, I really haven’t got much to complain about it. It’s slightly over 3 years old (can’t remember exactly how old but I got it during NL time which was I think should be late 04- early 05 period). I had no idea what kind to get and what to look out for, hence I simply yi-ni-mi-ni-ma-ni-mo one off the dell brochure I receive every now and then kiap-ed in between my daily Straits Times.

It’s just a vanity thing I concur with the devilish side of me and the sony cr 35 really gets my eyes popping out large O_o pinkkkk! Irresistible pink! It’s really sweet. Sweet. Sweet!!

Sweetness comes with a whopping price tag of $1,999!! O_O sigh. If I hadn’t got to pay the hefty amount for the subscription, I would have loved to bag this baby home.

Hence after rationalizing that I would probably need the money for travel, I’m somehow going to let go of the idea.= (

Or perhaps, I might just earn enough from my part time job to get myself a decent laptop that isn’t so expensive.

Gosh. See la. That’s how money makes the world go round. No money, can only just stand outside the shop and drool. Can see, can feel, but cannot bring home and own it.

I feel like the hungry kid starving for days, pasting her face on the bakery, staring and drooling hungrily at the freshly baked bread. Reaching into my pocket, I only find $0.50, not even enough to buy a bun these days. Feeling disheartened, I can only swallow hard and walk away miserably. $0.50 enough to buy some sweets from the mama shop. Unwrapping the hacks lemon sweet, I slowly place it on my tongue. Taking my time to savour its sweetness and letting that sweetness numb the disappointment that this is all I can afford. Indeed, money does make the world go round, doesn’t it?