kl foodie galore

we are at the famous fatty crab!

fatty crab's crabs!

fatty crab's good friend - fried rice

these are great starters - fried chicken wings

foodcourt delights are not bad too. this is lam mee

dearie says this is michelle yeoh endorsed lou si fan

dearie had this microwaved terriyaki burger.

crossing the river

I’ve done the interim handover yesterday. Following that, I sent out to my boss (cc the person taking over) the handover list which we discussed on and a list of items I will be targeting to do in the next 2 weeks. I am trying my best to do a good handover. But it takes 2 hands to clap; the incoming person will have to do her part to learn up whatever necessary.

Sent an email to hr to verify my understanding of the repercussions from early release. I hope she understands I want a reply in writing, not phonecall.

My boss said I have to tie up all the loose ends. The matter of fact is, not everything can be completed because it involves external parties whom may not respond at your will. Despite sending numerous emails to follow up, I am just not getting any response. Perhaps it’s the year end when many go on leave. I hope my boss will be understanding enough that I have already tried my best to follow up, but if I am not able to obtain response, she shouldn’t use that as the reason to deny my leave.

We step into the new year on Sat. It is hard to be celebrating because I am still crossing the river to the opposite bank now. Will there be currents which will make the crossing difficult? I don’t know. I only know my goal is the reach the opposite bank and I will do anything to get there.

old and new

i am counting down to the last 17 calendar days at this company. cleared 4000 emails from both inbox and sent folder. now i'm left with less than 50 recent emails.

did housekeeping with the files. my in tray looks fairly empty.

compiling the handover list. it's about 3 pages now.

i have plan A and B for the early release. the final straw is to flash mr m.

i hope i can leave on a good note. i hope she doesn't make things difficult for me.

new year. new things to look forward to.

christmas shopping

christmas weekend has been a blast! dearie and i were up in kl with pa and ma. lots of shopping and eating. hohoho!

will post up photos in a jiffy. in the meantime, i grabbed some graphics off the internet to sum off the highlights of the weekend.

i finally got to try the famous fatty crab!

we stayed at pa's service apartment (fairlane residence), which was just next to lot 10.

dearie bought me my first ever clothes from zara. 1 skirt, 1 pair of pants and a top. i have roamed into zara outlets in singapore countless times but i have never bought a single thing (obviously it's the cost i was concerned with). now i know why so many ladies adore zara..because they do make pretty clothes.

we went into raoul at pavillion too. dearie and i said one day we will dress in raoul! pa looked at a jacket, flipped the price tag and was appalled to find it priced at "RM1,199"!

will share more photos in my next entries. yawn. time to start work now!

baskets full of it

to some it may be measly but it is enough to make me feel good! received my 1 month bonus today! yay! i don't think i want to make myself miserable to compare with peers who may be receiving 3-6 months bonus. i think for my ailing company to payout bonus itself is a miracle. for my boss to actually pay me bonus when i have tendered ahead of 31 dec, is something i am thankful for.

wanted to treat dearie to a good meal tonight and he suggested economy rice. i ended cooking a simple plate of noodles for him.

the plan is to spend a small proportion of it and save the rest. get some new things to pamper ourselves with. and yes, a nice meal with ma and pa when we meet for christmas! it's on me! =D

it's always nice to have a little more to go around.

bend in the road

just when i was feeling despondent, i received a call that i will be getting an exception. wow. i'm thankful that my hard work is appreciated by my bosses.

feels like a bend in the road. so apt. i am reading that nicholas spark novel right now!

finish it up & go

i tried not to expect but i still feel disappointed. i do not think they will be kind enough, hence i don't have to be kind either. that is the reality, isn't it?

it is just another 23 working days. it cannot be that bad.

going the extra mile doesn't seem too worth it any more. i just have to complete the distance and then say goodbye.

the next lap on i am going to do it well. i must make the most of it and justify to myself that this is the best choice i have made for my career. it is a do or die thing now. no more looking back. it's forward, forward and forward!!!!!!

dreams into reality

i have neglected my ivories for a while and starting tinkling them again yesterday. whenever i start playing, i would wish i had a new piano. i wish so much i even dreamed of visiting a cousin who owned a warehouse full of grands, uprights and digital pianos! we were running around the huge warehouse looking for the steinway grand.

i have had several dreams about visiting piano showrooms. i would either find myself running in one or walking around one.

in the last dream, i played a jazz piece on a yamaha. but i really wanted to try the steinway.

i think i don't play well enough to deserve a grand but i wish i had one. i don't have that much to afford one as much as i would like to. it's like a luxury item, which i can only look in envy outside the window showcase. how nice if i had the space to house one. how nice if i played well enough to deserve one. how nice if i have the spare cash to afford one. how nice if we all appreciate the piano as an investment not a white elephant.

feels like a distant dream again.

at least some other dreams are slowly coming into better reach. from the windowless seat i dreamed of having a seat with window. achieved.

i made a pact with a peer that one day we will meet in shenton way and chop our seats with tissue paper. achieving real soon.

i dreamed i would one day hand out my namecard with pride. give me another 3-5years. i will get there.

maybe the grand might be easily be within reach then. but perhaps i would no longer desire one then?

i am working to hand over my work in another 1 month's time. listing them all down. sorting them out. trying to finish whatever i can.

at least some things are getting more real now.

sambal & pattaya

today beehoon sambal scored 9/10! dearie cooked the sambal (can u believe it?! haha)

pattaya yesterday didn't turn out too well. only got a 7 i think. the rice was a little uncooked as i was trying to get it cooked in quick cook mode under 30mins. egg looks dark because i used soy sauce instead of salt. i think my standard fried rice tastes better.

domesticated

dearie likes noodles dishes so i scored 8.5/10 for my stir-fried udon yesterday night! i only remembered that i should have taken photos of it after we wiped out everything. =P

will be attempting to cook nasi goreng pattaya tonight. not too sure if i will be able to get a fried egg big and thin enough because i don't have a pan at home. it might be a little tricky with a wok. but i will try anyway..and remember to take some photos to post.

i managed to accomplish tasks on my to-do list last night. mostly domestic chores: clearing my waredrobe, cleaning the fan and ironing clothes. so that brings me to the advantage of morning runs. i have more time in the evening to cook a meal, do my chores and get to bed by 10.30pm.

it seems like things at home are breaking down at the same time. first our dining table gave way. then our phone too. the chairs in our study room look like they may want to give way anytime as well. we have been wanting to get a replacement battery for the olympus camera for a long time..but never got around buying one. thankfully, my mum blessed us with a canon camera. but of course, we will still need to purchase a charger for it. spending is like a plague. once it strikes, it can be pretty hard to shake it off. ok, it's the scroogey side me blogging here again.

ohohhh..my reports are almost fully in. time to start reporting soon. i do want to go back at 6pm this evening. that's something to work towards for me!

what is good

i am starting to reorganise my life to welcome a new career in jan'11.

running in the morning is good. if i do have to work overtime, i'm not worried about not getting my exercise. the only tough part is getting out of bed at 5.30am. which brings me to the next good thing.

sleep at 10.30 pm is good. it gives me a decent 7hour sleep before i go out for my morning runs.

not buying a grand piano is good. it saves me the guilt of splurging 11k on a grand and not having time to play it once i start a new job.

simple exercises in the office is good. though i am not too sure if i can continue to do so in the new office. i may not have the luxury of my own cornered and partitioned seat in the new office.

having dinner at home is good. it is a pity i may not have as much chance to cook coming jan'11. i will certainly be expecting alot more overtime than now.

spring cleaning our place periodically is good. we may not have to do it only close new year. clearing away junk frequently helps unclutter the place. i am hoping to pack my waredrobe this week.

starting on work early is good. i am looking to knock off on time!

sweet sour pork

today's istimewa: sweet sour pork with rice

dearie rated it 0.8/1. a few things i can do better next time: marinate the pork for a longer time. add more flour into the batter. fried the pork longer so it's crispier. maybe add some pineapple too!

tomorrow's dish: stir-fried udon =D

tresses

i am dying for a haircut! i feel like a doggy again.

i never found a stylist good enough to stick with for long. perhaps it's because i'm such a scrooge so i am always hoping to find cheap and good haircuts. apparently, good haircuts don't often come cheap. when i was younger, i used to splurge on hair colouring and cuts at reds. these days, one neighbourhood salon hair cut can last me half a year.

the recommended stylists i am reading off forums charge about $40-60/haircut. why am i finding it so hard to part with that amount to get a decent haircut?

getting a haircut this month is an big no no. no budget no haircut. i will have to carry my doggy hairstyle around for another 3.5weeks! argh. how about a complimentary haircut for christmas present? =D

made up with money

before the day gets too busy..i thought i should blog my thoughts.

the kindle has made my life more interesting as i can read in all pockets of free time. currently reading memoirs of a geisha. googled on that and found another book which i can proceed next to: geisha of gion. written by a real geisha!

there'll be no safra runs this week and since dearie's classes had officially ended for this semester, we'll be running around the park connector. i've got quite a few new dishes i want to try out..dinner this week will be interesting. will post up photos if possible.

there are many reports to fulfill at work. i think the toughest is trying to make out those system generated ones, which i have little idea how can i possible reconcile the figures back to GL.

dearie's skin is visibly much better today. the pores have somewhat shrunk. i think this is more miraculous than miracle water! hoping to see more improved skin in months to come.

i spent quite abit of yesterday's evening watching 女人我最大 over youtube yesterday. i find watching beauty tips entertaining, though i have little idea how i can put them into practise. so for a start, i have put on some make up this morning. to dress and make up well helps boost confidence. these are definitely areas i have alot of room to improve on. as i move into a job located in the cbd, i must start to dress and present myself better. i think it reflects good of my company too. time to save up more so that i can buy myself more decent working clothes. i do have quite a couple of working shirts which cutting makes me look more auntish than modern. ought to get rid of them and get more professional looking ones.

i need a haircut badly too, but i am hesitant on where to go. good salons charge a lot for a simple hair cut, but of course you worry lesser as the stylist snips your tresses off. neighbourhood ones? you get some misses sometimes. i intended to get a haircut during our holiday in korea..but as the korea trip is kiv-ed along with my new job.. i am a little cornered to where i can possibly get an affordable and decent haircut. probably delay it till jan'11 since i busted my budget big time this month.

the buy list seems long. to look good does come with a price to pay. or maybe should i just remain status quo?

new table & dinner

our new table! we think this looks better than the previous one.

tapioca cake for dinner..

i baked them instead of frying. turned out very crispy and not too sweet.

abandon the wrecked

haven't had time to blog alot of things happening.

and so i decided to abandon the leaking ship. the unpaid leave portion is still fuzzy for now but i will rather channel my energy to handover than worry.

what will be nice for a farewell gift? maybe a mug with lid.

i have been told that my skin is dry but i could never bear to spend more on the basic skin care. yesterday i splurged on serum for dearie and i. my skin never felt so pampered before. we do deserve to treat our faces better!

december is the month of spending. just renewing acca membership is close to $400. icpas membership should be due for renewal soon. plus the addition to skincare. i am feeling alot poorer! =( with the christmas week off, that means lesser earnings from part time too. not forgetting the bonus which i forsook when i hopped off the ship. our dining table gave way and we just bought an ikea one yesterday. another small hole burnt. oh dear, anyone has free lance job for me to take up? the goal for the rest of the month is to minimise spending. eat at home as much as possible. tapao lunch. no shopping except kl weekend.

just made dragonfruit enzyme. bought this huge air tight container from ikea..so i can mass produce my enzyme. =D

i am trying not to think of work as i spend the last bits of my weekend. there is alot awaiting to be done. i want to clear all that i need to. prepare way ahead for audit. i want to do the handover well, so my boss has no reason not to allow me to go on unpaid leave.

christmas is coming soon. haven't got chance to travel back to malaysia in a while. i am so looking for the weekend in kl (albeit the crazy traffic). pa says we will have turkey. i am treating! because i found a new job.

next year will be exciting. time and tide wait for no man. i can opt an easy life or go for a challenging one. i think the latter will definitely be more rewarding.

goodbye blings

another pair of shoes bid goodbye. my bling blings. pretty shoes don't last me very long these days. i was joking that i should be wearing safety boots to work instead. they should last me alot longer.

i will be attending my last interview for the season, today. i want to halt for a while after this.

my boss has been trying her best to make things better for me. it's making the decision to leave very hard. i sigh as i thought of how tendering a resignation might be. =( she was the one who believed in me, gave me a chance..when tpl didn't.

attended my cousin's wedding on sunday..and i reflected how little i kept in touch with my cousins, although we ought to be kin. then i thought about my own brother, whose life i know so little of. we hardly talk these days; the little of what i know of him was heard from my mummy.

despite of that, i'm glad i've got my in-laws whom i can seek advice from. they feel more like brother and father to me than my own.

woww..seoul marathon is open for registration. 20 mar 2011. will i get to go?

the thing about future is its uncertainty. we always want to find the constants..but realise actually most are variables.

50% now closed

i sat watching this view for almost an hour before i went for my worse interview for this 'season'. i was stumped by the questions fired. i felt i have presented myself badly. she was very direct.

it made me feel sore i have always been from a sme environment. i know i will never be one of those trotting down shenton. so what if i've not been in a huge corporate organisation?

i share this same kind of regret like i've never been part of a large tertiary institution. whenever i drive to ntu to pick dearie, i will feel sore i've never studied in a campus of this size and stature. dearie is like fulfilling my dream right now. =)

i walked out of the interview heaving a huge sigh and feeling defeated. but like i said in the interview, at least i tried. i am really very far from the mark now, but it doesn't mean i will not one day make the mark.

everyone will find their fit somewhere, somehow. i believe i have options and dearie assured me of that too. even if i don't, i still have a job. so i can afford to miss my game this season.

it rained when i walked out, like how i felt. but that's fine. rain brings life. when rain stops i can run again.

so there goes my 50% opened door. probably now shut right in my face.

yin ying has been very nice as we spoke over the phone after the interview. she did mention that she gathered positive feedback from the interview, which i am skeptical of, because she asked a hr lady who was not present. she should ask the hr lady who was there. but anyway, i told her it was a good experience and thanked their effort to help arrange for it.

i got home feeling very tired. my feet felt sore just like my heart felt. the search feels abit too long for me to keep up with. i may just take a break after next tuesday's interview. just stay on for my contractual bonus and see where the tide brings me to for the next few months. sometimes, fighting against it can be very tiring.

doors

i passed the test..which i didn't know what i was doing. i worked on it till 1 am last night, but i couldn't make out how i was going to present actual vs forecast utilisation rate. i had an extra info of daily rental rates, which felt like an odd piece in the puzzle. i plotted the charts, but i had no comments to make. i didn't know much of the business to explain the gap between actual vs forecast.

i sent in and wrote in the email, "This test left me thinking I'm really a long way from taking up a FA role. Nevertheless, thank you for helping me obtain the opportunity to at least try."

and then in the afternoon, i received a call that i passed. the first question i asked was, "are you sure?"

this might be a chance to reach my fa dream. i applied numerous fa positions but never got even an interview for them. i know i lacked the experience and most of the time, they won't even give you the chance to try.

so in front of me is this fa door. will i get to step through? i can only find out next week.

meantime, i am drawn to the position i interviewed for today. interesting industry. scope sounds good. hiring manager's style is wow. but i guess location is a tad wulu. how good a chance i stand? i can't tell from the hiring manager's indifferent look.

so i can almost conclude i have 3 doors. 1 of it is 50% open. today's position is 25% open. and fa position is not opened as yet, but i can see the door in front of me.

i cannot decide. follow my heart, dearie said. but my heart is somewhat torn. there is no perfect job. we have some, we don't have some.

perhaps i ought to see how far the doors can open for me. if i have them all open, then i can start considering which to step through.

challenge

pass an excel analysis test to gain chance for interview? this is a first.

challenging question i must say.

if i fail can i know what my score is?

feels like an exam. i have only tonight to complete it.

dearie's nagging me to start on it soon.

bitten from rest

i was awaken by bug bites (not mozzies because dearie said he didn't hear the buzzing sound).

5 bites on my back and i tried to cover myself with the blanket, leaving only my face exposed.

then i was bitten on my forehead. damn.

since i am awake, i might as well use the time to do some reading on the companies i'll be interviewing at.

getting there. it's back to tuas on tues. business nature. job description. listed company? financials. latest announcements. analysts' reports on business outlook.

i hope i get a good offer soon, as sometimes preparing and going through interviews can be time consuming, mentally draining and repetitive.

may a good offer come along soon. perhaps i can start the new year well. or i might stay?

it should be nice to go for a run now though it will be frowned at. sometimes running is not just for the mere sake of staying in shape. i run because i like the feeling of my heart pumping the blood through my body. =)

it's going to be a busy week of shuttling from place to place. why can't we have another mid week public holiday? that'll be really nice to have!

settling growing

despite the hectic week, i'm glad i got the required reports out. the auditors are in for interim and because it's a brand new team, so there was much reconciliation to be done. the audit manager made quite a bit of last minute changes, which i reckon might not have been properly documented within their working papers. there was some discussion going on about impairment issues. it's not a straight foward issue to address.

the many things happening in the company have gradually settled in. afterall, there isn't much we can do about it.

job search has been somewhat promising. i have some options open. still keeping a lookout before deciding on a move.

15km runs feel like uphill tasks these days. i think i've lost much speed and endurance. though painful, i strangely look forward to long runs.

another 20mins before i leave for work. every single day i am working. the question of 'is it worth the effort' sometimes does pop into mind. for now i think i should be working hard. if i can utilise my time to earn a little more, i think i should do it. =) sedikit sedikit,lama lama, jadi bukit!

irksome mlm

one of the things i don't like is mlm schemes. don't ever talk me into one because i know how to calculate yields, expected returns and risk. i will rather sink my money into some penny stocks than put them into such schemes.

i just had a traumatized evening with an ex-colleague. she is a ex-colleague whose company i have enjoyed through the kk trip some years ago. i was not expecting her to bring me to some 'seminar' of some mlm scheme. i got suspicious over dinner, only to have my fears confirmed as she ushered me into a cramped room, where i was suppose to listen to some 'sharing'.

i wanted to walk out of it immediately, but i felt bad doing so. she tried to tell me some stuff related to it, but i wasn't listening much.

i quickly sent dearie an sms, "damn it's mlm. how am i going to get myself out of it?"

in the end, with dearie's help, i lied my way out before the 'sharing' started.

if she was to approach me again, i will be direct and upfront with her. i will politely decline her, stating that i will never be interested in such schemes, so let's not waste hers and my time.

i hate the way they try to put it across. they are not selling products. they are helping others achieve something in their lives. they questioned whether i was unhappy about my life and what i was doing for a living.

i replied, "actually, i'm happy doing what i do. at least i know i am getting somewhere."

well, i rather you tried to sell me a product, than to tell me you can help me achieve my dream. i don't think anyone has a perfect formula to success. i don't think achieving dreams happens over night..or by getting more people join the bandwagon of some organisation.

i know what i want for my career. definitely not trying to recruit people to join some 'achieve-your-dream' scam.

perhaps there are people who found their calling in mlm, but not me.

from the ministry of trade and industry website, i extracted the following information of mlm.

1. What is Multi-Level Marketing (MLM) and Pyramid Selling?

A Multi-Level Marketing or Pyramid Selling scheme will typically require participants to pay an upfront charge. In return, the participants are promised financial rewards for each additional participant recruited, as well as all new participants who are in turn brought in by their recruits - hence the pyramid-like structure.

As more salespersons are recruited, participants hope to recover their upfront charges and earn sizeable profits. However, such a pyramid schemes will eventually collapse when they run out of new recruits, resulting in those salespersons at the bottom of the pyramid losing all their upfront charges.

In the interest of consumer protection, the Government's regulation effort is targeted at preventing the proliferation of such high-risk schemes.

2. How do I recognise a pyramid selling scheme?

Many pyramid schemes often disguise themselves as sellers collectors' items, software, training programmes, etc, when all they are interested is to make a quick buck through recruitment. Members of the public who attend sales talks must be vigilant to such schemes. Illegitimate MLM schemes usually share the following characteristics:

• When the promoter hype about how easy it is to earn money, people can get very rich in a very short time and that the way to earn money is by recruiting others to join the scheme;
  
• The so-called product that you are supposed to sell is not something you would normally buy at its price;
  
• Participants are required to invest money into the scheme, whether in the form of a joining fee, or buying inventory.
  

Remember - there is no easy money, you must believe in what you are selling and you should not put your money at unnecessary risk.

relating to the extract, i agree that all these mlm organisations like to 'rara' their people. use some catchy taglines, which are more like corny than professional to me. they only share 'success' stories, people who have made it big with the schemes..but in truth, how many others out there have sunk in the money and made nothing much from it? are they going share those unsuccessful stories too? (feels like those funds performance reports. they only report of those performing funds.. and leave out those funds which have ceased to exist..making their annualised returns exceedingly attractive)

anyway, in conclusion, i know this is not for me. i am going to shun it for good. please do not approach me with such get-rich, realise-your-dream things, unless you want me to hang up your calls and ignore your sms-es.

career & i

i find myself thinking alot about career development these days. going through the first interview set me thinking.

so what exactly am i working towards now?

when i started this job i envisioned myself working up to group level..to managerial position.. so on so forth. as i evaluate my progress from jan till now, i realise the goals are getting more fuzzy. with the current situation of the company, i'll be thankful if i don't get demoted, lest be considered for a promotion.

while my boss tried to assured us that our department will not face the fate of retrenchment; so we won't fall through, does it mean we will only stay status quo? what should we be looking forward to?

this was certainly not what i have envisaged my career to be. i thought this would be an organisation i could grow with. learn and gather relevant experience. be given the opportunities to move up the ranks. but now, all i am hearing is that i won't be affected by the retrenchment.

sigh.

i am still looking out. gather all the possible options.

what am i willing to settle for? what kind of a job can i be offered?

if i do not find something suitable, i can always stay where i am. that's a consolation.

facebook is full of friends going out for races. i am feeling less sore these days. i feel career development is prime in my life now. races are nice to have.. but those are but life's little additions and excitement. it doesn't bring us the income. it doesn't put the food on the table. and i feel i take greater pride in what i can achieve in career than what timing i can do in a marathon.

think about it. when u introduce yourself to a stranger, what will you talk about?

hi, my name is tricia lim. and i am a 4.18 marathoner?

i would take pride in saying this. hi, my name is tricia lim and i am an accountant with xxx (some big company).

not many people can forge identity with marathons..but a good career is respected.

i am telling myself..if i get a better job that needs me to work twice as hard as i am doing now, i will do it. for a better future. for a better pay. for progression. i will do it. i look at those who are successful in life, they too have put in their fair share of hard work. if i want to lead an easy life, then be prepared to stay on the spot.

within reach

i'm so glad i got my big lazy bum out. climbed stairs for 30-35mins. i came back feeling all awake and refreshed. sat down for another 20min to play the piano.

still working on the 'shining smile' piece. playing it did make my whole being feel better. =)

simple things make me happy. and these simple things are easily within reach.

oh..and i think a bar of chocolate isn't too far out of reach either! yumyum!

do nothing, nothing at all

it has been a tiring week at work.

i have no mood to play the piano though i would like to. i didn't feel like going out to run though i watched eagerly at runners run on the park connector from my window.

there is much i am trying to make more sense of. more words i must learn to speak well.

heat up prata for dearie's breakfast. perhaps i'll go sweat it out by climbing stairs. go to work.

while part time work is not that taxing, but i do miss doing long runs on weekend mornings. i haven't done so in a while.

more things happened yesterday at work. life in this company is full of surprises. not exactly pleasant ones.

i'm in this "i don't want to do anything. just let me lie in bed and rot" mood now.

sigh.

real food

i wanted to eat these..

pound cake

chocolate

but i ended eating this for dinner =(

maggi mee.

i need some real food.

where's the limit

more options are gradually opening up. there'll be 2 interviews next tues; one internal with a consultant and another with a company.

i am surprised i made it through to the 2nd round for tuesday's interview. i walked out feeling i don't suit 2 positions too well and probably the hiring managers will think so too. maybe being real is good. it may not always appeal to all managers, but if i am a hiring manager, i will hope to find a real prospective staff.

as i got my boss to approve of my half day leave on tuesday, i think i will miss her if i do move onto another job. she is a good boss, 2nd to nelson. it's rare to find a financial controller so patient and composed. she reminds me a little of the motherly josephine at new life.

my boss gave me alot of opportunities and i am really thankful.

although the situation at work is pretty worrying, i am not hard pressed to move off. i am still learning..perhaps the state of the company does present its opportunities in terms of the depth of analysis and control of cashflow.

i want to be cautious in making my next move. no rash decisions. compare my options. weigh them out. be sure before i jump aboard.

i have time on my hands.

look up, tricia. the sky's the limit.

shine a light on me

I am glad I was real during the interview. It took 1.5 hours and I felt comfortable. I hope the interviewers will appreciate my frankness. There were questions I could not answer and I said upfront so.

Do have to sort out what I want. I really don’t know what I should be expecting from myself and from what others can offer.

It’s still fuzzy. I’m unsure.

I do have to give it some thought.

Will have to work late again. there’s so much to do and he wants to have some meeting to discuss on system again. sigh.

I am downing coffee again because my brain doesn’t seem to work very well in such turbulent times.

It is hard to keep walking and not get lost.

exam jitters

didn't sleep absolutely well last night. my mind was somewhat unsettled. i'm feeling that exam jitters.

was up at the usual time though i could have gotten more sleep. ought to be going through its financials and analysis but my mind wandered off. i spent a good 20mins preparing enzyme. now i am blogging. checked fb to see if yenling replied. tricia's nonsensical and irrelevant at times.

dearie's words before he left for work this morning, "take it as a learning experience, ok?"

i do not deserve to pin my hopes on anything for now. i just hope it doesn't turn out to be a waste of a good half day's leave.

it's raining this morning. it reminded me of the rain during this year's tokyo marathon.

argh. i've got to get myself out of jaded mode.

read a little more. sort my thoughts. verbalise what i want to say. check my file again. shower. change. breath. pray and off to face my first step out.

up or down

i've never experienced a retrenchment in the companies i had been. this is a first. this is the real world. this is survival.

the bleak outlook overhangs the company like plague.

during my easy run earlier, i ran through my answers to probable interview questions. i wish interviews can be more real. but of course there are things i cannot say and things i must learn to paraphrase.

i feel strangely alone. like how dearie and i sat at the stairways of the tokyo subway, eating our bento boxes and watching strangers march by before us. i'm there but i'm not in the crowd.

i keep my fingers crossed. i wait and hope to find a lift which will bring me up, not down. i really do want to know what is it all leading me to. am i drifting further from my goals? am i getting closer? why am i not seeing any thing i can mark my progress by?

i feel strangely lost. in a whole myriad of events happened and happening.

a bit at a time

i am keeping my fingers crossed for next tuesday. i am thankful for the opportunity and i am not pinning my hopes high to be offered anything.

it's a good start anyway.

i completed the kiterunner yesterday. nice.

should be going onto one of nicholas sparks' novels next.

i got my first pay cheque from my part time job. it was more than i expected. saving it up. bit by bit.

options

i am surprised how accurate my hunch was. the waves are definitely building up and will soon wash everything ashore.

the more i know, the more terrified i am.

family and friends around me tell me it is time to start looking around. dearie said there is no right or wrong time. now is the time. he said things may not hit my department immediately so i have time.

i felt this wave of sadness wash over me yesterday night. this journey here seems a little short. didn't i just went through the entire cycle of sending out applications, attending interviews, settling in to a new place, learning new culture and adapting to new colleagues a year ago? i am now going through the cycle once again. my boss is a nice. colleagues are nice too. i wonder what will the next job be like?

i contacted my placement consultant once again, seeking her help.

the truth about the corporate world is that it's cruel. when your time is up, you'll be booted. i want to have the say in my own career and not be at the mercy of the company. i told my mum i don't want to be told to leave, as i will leave on my own accord, for something better. i believe i have options.

open/close

i put in my first job application for the year. this is a position that's one leap up. my chances should be slim and i will be happy if they would even grant me an interview. although i am not hopeful, this is the first step i am taking to find a more stable ground.

the figures are worrying and the forecasts are greater causes to sleepless nights.

i am sensing greater changes coming in another 2 months' time and the impact will shake many. i am not intending to stay on the beach and wait for the tsunami to hit when i am seeing frogs hopping to higher ground.

frankly i am not very sure when exactly is the 'right' time to start looking. there is a whole lot of uncertainty going on and the suspense is torturous. i'll rather they tell us, that's the end of the road, than say we don't have visibility.

i can only hope, as one door closes, the other one opens.

money slumbers

month on month increase of savings increased marginally by 8%. =D the intention was to use the last 8% on groceries, but dearie paid up ahead before me. looking at it from another perspective, as we pool our resources together, it doesn't matter whether the outflow was from he or myself.

another record for the month - there was no one-time expense. all that was incurred in the month were recurring stuff which i have to spend on. this gives me a good idea of my monthly 'fixed costs'; at bare minimum, what will i expect to spend. this is good to know, because in an event should i ever (which i don't think i will) consider to quit without a job, this will be a pretty good gauge to know how many months my savings will see me through over.

we watched wall street, money never sleeps on saturday. my takeaway from the movie? i wish i had a us$1mil bonus like jacob. haha! i just reminded me that alot of things happening in the economy are driven by rich people. it's all about the dollars and cents. for us, small fries, are just pushed along by those big potatoes who create the waves.

friday is a public holiday and that is goooood. dearie said we will be going to macritchie for a run. i miss the trails so much!