rewarded

It’s Monday once again.. the blu-est day of the week.. haha.. as I retrospected on the weekend that has just passed.. I take pride in it.. because in all simple things, we took joy in doing.. and time was made fruitful because of that.

Dearie bought me an expensive mechanical pencil from popular on Saturday. I’ve been coveting for that nice pointed pencil for quite a while..with my shakula (shakalu, shakila..blah) getting all dirty, its eraser top depleted and the plastic cover broken.. ok..it wasn’t a need..but more like a want. Dearie paid $4.10 for the pencil. a pilot h-325 in transparent colour. Dearie asked me to remember him whenever I used this pencil.

In truth, he is a part of my life and I needn’t things to remind him how integral he is to me. =)

We had dinner at mum’s and dearie was (again) the last man surviving on the dining table; all of us took our leave after taking in our fill. He cleared up the chilli fish head till it was left in bare bones..and he even gobbled down all the sweet potatoes, brinjal..the calefare on the dish..hahha..

Dearie spent almost the entire day at tuition, 3 back to back sessions, from 10am till 4.30pm. it was really crazy and I do hope he doesn’t do it for long term. It’s detrimental to health! I’m already tired after 1 session, imagine 3?!??

i popped by mum’s to go through my accounting assignment, which till date, is unable to balance. Noon time I slacked around, cleaned the house a little and then studied more for QM exam.

i cooked chicken mushroom mee pok for our dinner that night..and oh yes!..before that we did another 8.5km run. Dearie did a total of 17km for the day (8.5km in the morning, 8.5km at evening..while I did 12.5km (4km in the morning, 8.5km in the evening).

Training and eating are like hubby and wifey. We should train hard..then enjoy a nice meal! This is the way to go if you don’t want to get fat..hehahehae

i have submitted leave for this Thursday. Need to meet up with marilyn to go through the accounting assignment. We both agreed it’s quite a waste of time and getting it to balance is as hard as climbing mount kk. Hahaha.. and there is also QM assignment to go through too.

After my final exam on sat, just got to toil another few more days to finish up QM assignment and I’m going off for a break to segamat with dearie. really looking forward to it.. =) these are the rewards for working hard..yay!

note: i stole the photo of pilot pencils from the net..from someone's blog. i don't have all 3 of them! but i am a proud owner of the one circled now..the transparent pilot pencil.

working, hard.

we've been working to our max since the start of the month. dearie and i have took up various tuition assignments.. the main bulk of the burden is on dearie, tutoring for 5 out of 7 days a week.

it's 10.30am now, saturday morning. i've revising for my qm exams next sat, and at 1pm, i'll be going out for tuition..good thing we'll be hitting town for a breather after which.. so that's a nice break.

i missed runfanatic training.. i overslept..and laze really held me back to stay home.. which i felt was a wise choice because i got to do interval training with dearie at the stadium..we had peanut butter waffle after which ..and i can settle down before 10am to start revision. if i've gone to training, i will be spending more than 2hours commuting..and that time is somewhat lost.

i'm still trying to make sense with qm by going through the questions..one by one. i must get a good grasp of it.

i've been reflecting on how i am spending my time now, as compared to the past. somehow, priorities have shifted..and i feel i don't have that much a luxury to just sit back, be merry and do whatever pleases me most. because i now have responsibilities i must shoulder..i have dreams to pursue in my career.. and i yearn to better equip myself for the challenges ahead. it can be quite a struggle sometimes, without the luxury of cash reserves..but working hard for it makes me treasure it more. like dearie casually mentioned this morning while we were bitting into our peanut butter waffles, "young people who strike riches in their early 20s may not know how to treasure it..but if one earns his 1st million at 40 through hard work, the guy will really treasure it." he spoke of it in relation to usain bolt, the world fastest man at present, who was commented by many as arrogant.

these days as i surf through blogs..look at display nicks of younger friends..i find so much of myself in them.. at early 20s, all i wanted to do was ironman. my biggest dream was to cross that finishing line after 3.8km swim, 180km bike and 42km run. that was the ultimate dream i pursue everyday. i trained and trained..spent many hours in the pool, on the roads, in the track.. i woke up wee hours at 4am and biked out..some days i even took leave, just to do 4-6hours bike rides when preparing for it. unfortunately (or fortunately), despite having registered for 3 ironmans, i never gone to one, i never did one nor did i finish one.

i find no shame..though i do not bask in any glory for completing one. because somehow, i've passed that phase of my life to pursue such conquests.

i found no glory in it because so what even if i've done numerous ironmans but do not have money in my pocket? so what even if i achieve a good vo2max or stamina ability yet improverish in my relationships with the people around me?

today i am pursuing my post graduate studies because knowledge is power. i am working very hard, because money is also power. i work 5 days a week and tutor 4 days a week. i spend quality time with my dearie.. we spend time resting at home on weekends and cook our own meals on sunday.. i call my mum during weekdays and have dinner with her on saturdays. this is also time well spent, in pursue of other things in life..which to me for now, overcast ironman dreams.

nonetheless, i must admit, a part which i am still working hard to balance is time for training. i am now forgoing training on wed because of tuition. when the o levels are over, i will reschedule wed rf training back..as tuition will be back to 3 days a week, instead of 4. in addition, because of exams every 2-4 months, i am also missing saturday trainings too. it's a lousy feeling to be out of the runfanatics action..but i understand i can't have the best of everything.

we gain some, we lose some. meantime, whatever pockets of time i can find, i will be out training. and most of the time, weekdays are the hardest because tuition finishes late into the night. however, dearie and i always make up on weekends..we'll go for our mr runs..on rainy days we'll hit the gym..and like this morning, we did interval runs.. running helps me find strength and rejuvenates me all the time. i did 6x800m sets and pushing through the 800m was such a pain but the after effect was accomplishing. no fantastic timing to boast about but i'm glad 5 out of 6 timings are within my expectation of sub 4:15. i managed a 3:59 set by keeping pace with an indian uncle.. i have conjured plans for further 800m training for next week, and also a mr run on sunday if the weather holds fine.

oh yes, and another new thing dearie and i are embarking on..healthy meals.. i've stocked up our fridge with fresh food..chicken, veg and pork..we just need to go get our brown rice and some other stuff from mum...and from next week onwards..we'll be cooking lunches at home and packing them to work. why are we doing that? because:

1. it's healthier. i agree with dearie that food outside are..erm..oily, salty and full of msg. i'm sick of eating bread for lunch and dinner. all the food will be steamed, boil or stir fried in olive oil. sweet!

2. it's more economical. it's good thing dearie's isn't a picky eater like me.. we just need some veg, meat and brown rice everyday.

i really hope this holds through..and since dearie and i are in this together..we can try to keep to it as much as possible... i do need to shed some kgs before the photoshoot and our wedding in nov. gulps! hahahaha .. it's different having someone who is going through it together..just like we're both working hard, together. we train together (at different speeds though)..and we stay healthy together. we're part of each other's life..and that's all that matters =)

uh-oh..better hit back to my books..got to finish a few more topics before i get to relax later. will be back!

over and above

it really means alot having friends to go through tough times with..sometimes it's time like these that binds the hearts of like minded together stronger ..

i processed and thought through the situation after the discussion and sharing. i asked myself what can be done? what should i be doing? if i can't change, then what else should i be doing?

i remember this little excerpt from a poem i thought my children during a character camp once..

" i will bear the things i cannot change, and change the things i can"

somehow after talking it through with dearie, i came to terms that tpl is something i cannot change..and although i cannot do much, i prepare myself mentally for anything she comes up with. from learning her different "patterns" that my friends have encountered, somehow it preps me that if she show her pattern again, i am not caught off guard and i needn't get affected by it. it's like getting vaccination! =) staying level headed and calm is important to stay afloat.

can you remember the last time you swam in a pool or sea? in the sea, the more we struggle, the faster we sink..the only way to keep ourselves afloat is to stay calm and relaxed. our bodies are made to float in water..and we can be over and above the situation.

i remembered a pastor shared once, "difficult people in our lives are Grace Developers".. indeed..we learn that in the toughest times we learn to develop grace =)

i do find ranting and sharing really therepeutic..because i know i am not alone.. life still must go on..and to come to terms and decide what we must do about the situation .. i believe for us, we can choose to be over and above the situation. =)

shady

In discrete, I’ve been reading my text in pdf format and notes are all on A4 pieces of paper. why am I behaving like a thief, all of that just to use my time to study for my upcoming exams? I’ve just been warned against studying in office..but I can’t envisage spending hours surfing the net, playing games..looking at social networking websites. It’s such waste of time! underhand methods, i may call it, but at least I am still getting to use my time to learn and revise my work.

I am tempted to go on leave because I am finding correspondence with her becoming increasingly unbearable. She leaves me emotionless and I’m uninterested, to a large extent, with the “much work” she feels has to be done.

No, I won’t go into some mutiny against her..but it’s a secret insurbordination I habour. Should I plainly put it that she does not earn my respect and nothing she has said thus far gives me any assurance of development under her supervision. Eeks. I forgot, development of her staff is not top on her list. She’s more interested in getting the perfect report.

Revision for the coming paper is still undergoing pretty ok. I’m left with 1 chapter of notes to read. Next is to attempt all the questions, before finally digesting the mock exam papers. I will skim through the “phone book thick” text book for additional reading if time permits.

After the paper on sat, I’m going full steam out for my QM revision. I’m almost done with 1^st round of reading, just got to zoom into the questions and work through them.

Akin to running the final 5km of a marathon, I must pick up and sprint ahead. 2 weeks. I don’t want to look back in regret; not trying my best. on contrary, I want to seize success in this first hurdle and nothing will stop me! =D

Time seemed to slow down during the weekend. it was pure bliss just lazing at home, cooking meals, eating together and taking time to study/do our work. we didn’t need fanciful meals at posh restaurants, good thing dearie mind my no-class cooking, and we didn’t have to be a speck in the orchard road crowd because we have most if not all that we need.

Despite the downpour on both days, we managed to do some training! Saturday morning we biked down to spe for runfanatics training but found ourselves being chased by rain along bt timah road. Hurriedly, we made the decision to turn off near sixth avenue and then scrambled in the fastest speed I could make my legs move, heading home. Dearie had to pull me from the front because the headwind was strong and as I haven’t biked in eons, I could not go fast as much as I wished to. The gloomy rain clouds hovered over our heads and drizzled through the way. lucky, we must proclaim, because we escaped the heavy downpour by the minute. The moment we stepped into home, we heard the torrential rain fall from the sky. Gulps!

We rested at home and had some noodles and fried fillet for lunch before leaving for gym in the evening. We gymed 1.5hrs to burn some fats, and then came home for dinner. menu for the night: macaroni tuna salad. It was quite a mess of stuff but I think it filled our tummies fine.

Sunday morning we dragged ourselves to MR and did about 14km down to air-con road and back. we started slightly late as we had much problem getting inertia to move..however I’m glad we got there and ran the distance. I struggled badly through the distance but I held through. (yay!) Seriously need to get more mileage into my weeks because I found my stamina has deteriorated substantially.

After the grueling training (for me), we went to Queensway for a nice lunch before heading to shop around for dearie’s speckies. We found a really nice pair of oakley’s dicota 4.0 but the price tag was one that made swallowing hard. i got to try a pair of women’s Oakley coto 4.0 and I now understand why oakleys cost so much. the comfort of wearing it surpasses the current pair I have.

Yet, I simply can’t bear to spend on a pair because it’s $425 for the frame alone!?!? O_o

Therefore, I have decided to dangle this as a carrot for donkey-tricia. If I can clear all 4 modules in this year, I will reward myself with it. something way off my budget but pricey enough as a reward for the good work. if I don’t pass all 4 papers, then I’ve got to kiss my coto goodbye! okok, i'm hitting the books now. it's accounting exam this sat. gambatte tricia!! =)

worthless talk

I hadn’t bore much hope to begin with and I am right to do so because it has proved to be a dishonored cheque after all.

She has told me earlier that I would be put in charge to oversee the consolidation and accounts of the new logistics holding company.

A month of so went pass and I did not hear a single thing about the company. I didn’t even know they changed the name of the company. I didn’t know what went on until today I was forwarded an email to do GST registration paper work. having absolutely no idea of what has been going on. all I could do was to borrow the file from Irene and fill up the information required. Funny, how come the finance executive can’t gather the information herself?

This job holds no meaning and it’s a waste of my time in all ways. But I am only hanging on because I have time to study and I need the bonus to finance my studies.

I will hang till the end of the year. After which I will start searching for a new job. I’ll slowly find something more suitable..i’m still being paid anyway. So that’s the only consolation.

Talk is cheap.

checklists

I can’t seem to identify at which juncture checklists became clockwork in my life. i live by it every day. At start of each morning, I will start with 2 blank pieces of paper (sized ¼ A4) and I would jot down my tasks for the day. One would be for the time in office and the other, my time after work. as I complete each task, I will strike them off and this will go on till I’ve done most if not all that I’ve set out to do.

I’m not sure how others may see of this..but to me I can’t live without it. partly because I’m a forgetful person, hence a checklist serves as a reminder of what is left outstanding to be done.

For now, checklisting is ingrained in me.

bus

i wish i own a bus right now. been mulling over how to transport friends and relatives to the wedding and it's really a big headache.
dearie is right..if we had the money, then it won't be a headache at all. sigh.

i've got new clothes

QM class wasn’t that bad over last weekend. I am slowly seeing more light at the end of the QM tunnel. I just badly need to pull my socks up and revise through the questions.

Got a lot of things at the top of my mind now and I am jotting them onto a piece of paper to make sure I don’t miss any of them.

Weekend was pretty well-spent ..apart from classes, dearie and I got to go kia kia abit. Gotten the super duper late birthday presents for my parents, shirt, socks for dad and a brown bag for mum (as per her request). Dearie paid for the bag and he also blessed me with a new raspberry pink (I adore this color!) jacket and a new top for work.

We got them at the g2 blu sale and the buys were certainly good bargains! =D dearie bought a short sleeve shirt for work too. thank you to dearie for blessing me with new clothes!! muaks!

The shopping wasn’t pretty planned for as our primary objective was to visit the investfair at suntec. It was not as insightful as I thought it would be, hence I think I’ll still have to do my own homework online and check out for FREE workshops that’ll give me more insight.

2 more weeks to accounting exams and I have a tutorial this Wednesday. I’m considering of taking leave come nearer to QM exams..that’s if i can’t find enough time at work..

Relatives gave a disappointing call for our wedding in November. I’m not going to press any of them nor am I going to try please and convince them. If you are coming, I will try my best to arrange transport. Other wise, that’s alright. I will be just good with close friends and family.

this week will be pretty hectic but I’m sooooo looking forward to the weekend. With no classes, that means I can spend sat and sun morning training with Runfanatics and with dearie at mr, respectively.. and then spend the noon studying..and evening to have a good dinner and relax. The thought of a quality weekend is the driving force for now. hang on!

it hurts

Can you imagine closing your grip on the blade of a knife in your hands? the cold blade cuts into your hand and warm blood oozing out that stains the blade?

Work is much like that blade. It cuts me every single day. The blood flows continuously and I don’t know when it will stop.

Where is my breaking point? When am I going to snap, stand out and shout, “stop it! that’s enough.”

For all the courage I have now, I am only muttering it under my breath and in this space. =(

diving into books

Training yesterday ended at almost 10pm..by the time we got home it was nearly 11pm. Climbed into bed at 12am. Gee. I think got to feedback soon that Wednesdays training might have to end a little earlier because training too hard in the mid-week may leave us all drained before end of the work week.

I can’t join Wed training as there’ll be accounting tutorial on the 20^th. That’ll be the last tutorial before exams on the 30^th. I’ve got to grasp the exam format so as to do well. =)

Pretty happy with the way I am picking up my training again..but dearie’s been unwell since last week..hence it pains me whenever he pushes himself to run with me because he knows I want to run. I must nurse him back to health. Tonight I’m going to cook a light mee sua soup dinner for him and tuck him into bed early.

A lot to be done tonight as there’ll be intensive classes from tomorrow till Sunday. Argh. Dr tiong’s classes again. He confuses all of us BIG time. I thought I was the only one lost in the myriad of jargons he used in class..but after checking with my classmates, I realised I am not alone! They too are badly confused by him. He’s a very smart and knowledgeable person, but not that effective a teacher.

Oh yes. Things to do tonight. I’m almost done with the myob assignment. I just need to perk my writeup with more content..which I can do that with more in depth explanation of the ratios. Tomorrow I got to drop off the assignment with mum for checking of the entries. I need to finish up the other assignment soon too.

On my checklist.

1. cook mee sua soup
2. vacuum and mop floor
3. iron clothes
4. do laundry
5. tuck dearie into bed by 1045pm
   

weekend will be really jam packed with training, classes, investfair and getting presents for parents too.

I need to stop procrastinating and start on stats revision now. Only left with 1.5 days to revise whatever dr tiong went through..there’ll be tougher concepts or correlation and regression coming up this weekend and I desperately must grasp the fundamentals first and foremost.

Okok. Diving into the books now. Will update this space soon.. =)

birthday 110808

Yesterday was my birthday =) there wasn’t fanciful celebration but we did have cake – rm 6 banana cake which was pretty yummy. Mum will be baking pandan chiffon cake for me later this morning and I’ll collect it later in the evening after tuition. I told her it’s “tradition” to have pandan cake, as she wasn’t able to bake it yesterday due to the expired tartar powder. Better late than never, “traditions” must be observed! =P okie. I know I’m just being a glutton.

Weekend was spent at segamat and we just feasted like royalties. We had chin siew mee for sat’s breakfast, steam boat for sat’s dinner, lunch on sunday at good world (with steamed live soon hock) and the best was the rendang and bamboo shoots on Sunday night’s dinner. yummmmy! We left on Sunday night feeling all satisfied but a little guilty of all the food gobbled down. Hahaa. It’s ok, training started yesterday.

Dearie’s been sick and I insisted he saw the doctor yesterday. the medication helped to ease the wheezing in his lungs. I hope he recovers soon =)

Like I’ve always done, I want to thank these family and friends who never fail to remember my birthday. Seems to be getting fewer as the years go by..but that’s ok =)

1. dearie (spending time with you is the best gift)
2. mummy (thank you for the yomeishu)
3. daddy (thank you for the very expensive brain tonic)
4. kor (I always love angbow =P)
5. bee lan (thank you for the pretty mugs)
6. janson (thank you for remembering)
7. Joshua (thank you for flooding me with wishes, every year without fail)
8. bimo (you also always remember)
9. Adrian (better late than never)

my sunshine!

he's the sunshine in my life. ^_^

while i was feeling all upset just now, his timely phone call and words brightened up my day. he rationalised the situation with me and told me i have the power to do something about it. but for now i must hang on. hang on for the bonus. hang on to stabilise my studies. hang on to use the time to excel in my course.

thank you dearie.. you've made my day so much better. muaks!

i am sad

I really hate the feeling at work. I hate feeling I am wasting every day of my life here just to warm the chair. I hate the control freak supervisor I’ve got. I hate having nothing to do and I don’t know what I can do about it.

I really dread coming to work, apart from the time I can use to study. I can’t stop that feeling despite how I try to console myself that this is perhaps the only job that’ll pay me to study.

But can you imagine coming to work and whatever work that used to be yours is grabbed away from control freaks? Even work my boss delegates to me specifically, she has to jut her head in and then ask me to send all the hard work to her so that she can forward it out and claim credit. i am only called an executive by name, in fact I am doing nothing. I hate it. I really hate that feeling.

I am so tempted to thrown in my resignation letter and leave, honestly. i want to get out of this place because I feel I really want to learn more things instead of just rolling around this place like a pig waiting to be slain.

Sad thing is I can’t say all that during my interview. I wish I could have honestly expressed all that during my last interview..but I can’t. I can’t say I’ve got a bitchy supervisor. I can’t say I am idling doing nothing. I feel so caught at times. Feeling all emotional now, I really feel like crying whenever I see how pathetic I am fast becoming at work. =(

tired but purposeful

I’ve been feeling tired these days. It’s an accumulation from the long weekend intensive, brought forward and piled up. nonetheless, I feel accomplished because I find purpose in the things I do.

Every lesson I complete I know I’ve just made one mini step nearer to getting my masters. I keep myself going by flashing images of myself wearing the robe and taking graduation with my dearie and family. That keeps me going in my studies.

I am tutoring 3 evenings a week. although 3 tuition sessions only make up 4.5 hours, I have to spend time preparing for them and that consumes time. despite that, I find it helps me in many ways. Teaching POA forces me to revise all the topics and that really beneficial for my accounting module. Teaching the p4 is less relevant but I find that by tutoring I am gaining experience in coaching students. Relishing the idea of lecturing in the future, these are building blocks to that.

With tutoring I earn extra which is helpful. I’ve only received $90 so far..i’ve got 4 more lessons before I get $100 for the p4 and another 2 more lessons to another $180. wow.. I’m such a money face. Haha.

I am learning a lot these days too. Spending time to read enriches me.

Doing assignment with the free time at work utilizes all my time to the max.

Weekends with no classes are invaluable because these are the pockets of time I can catch up with sleep and spend quality time with dearie.

I’m looking at getting some supplements and tonic wine to help me keep me alert during studies and work. after drowning myself with 3 cups of coffee last weekend, I had a terrible tummy upset which was almost like gastric pain. The overdosage of caffeine left me high and light headed. Hence I do want to depend lesser on caffeine and in place find something more natural and herbal to replace.

Some options: yomeishu, benedict dom, gingko biloba and the expensive cordyceps. Will go find out and make use of these to boost my health. =)

no way dead end

I completed the intensives for accounting module and I am now 2 weeks away from the exam. I am hoping to do well for it, hence like dearie mentioned, I am unknowingly giving myself unnecessary pressure. He’s right. I think it’ll be wiser to place more focus and time to work on my stats rather than accounting, because that’s the module I’m more uncertain about.

As a matter of fact, I am now finishing up my last QM question as I am typing this. Ho ho ho..i completed it!

tomorrow I’ve got to meet my team mates for discussion..hence no training for me in the evening..after discussion, around 8pm, I’ll hop down to OG to buy a present for my nephew’s 1^st month birthday. He’s coming 1 month old this 14^th but I’ve yet to even see him yet. =( what a lousy aunt I am. I’ll want to pop by soon and pinch his chubby cheeks! his name is 哲睿..very chim name..it read Zhe Rui. Rui mean clever and shrewd. And Zhe is another word that has similar meaning.

Been reading vivaciously into many articles, papers and notes. I feel like a sponge soaking up a lot of information and I’m taking some time to digest it all. It’s about making sense out of the information and grasping it into ownership. Although sometimes I do feel this feeling of information overload, but when I lift my head up and look at the people around me, I know within that I am building myself up. With every piece of information I digest and grasp, I am moulding myself ready for the greater world out there.

Reading the papers these days can be daunting at times. On some days, the headlines would be all gloom and doom. Economic slowdown. Inflation. Crisis. Stagflation. On certain days, it boosts things like growth and people earning big bucks. Like I was reading old “newspapers” a while ago and as the first page reads economy becoming less rosy, the inner pages read a boom in the recent natas fair sales. The latter actually means people are still spending on luxury goods such as travelling.

With the varied snap shots of the economy, I wonder what is the real picture?

Time to work on my accounting tutorial now. Hope I can finish it on time to drop it off with mum tomorrow so that she has adequate time to check.

Just in case you are wondering why am I so free at work..i am free because I have completed closing for 2 companies. One more company I’ve got to wait for the bank statement to come in before I can do anything. Hence I am free. Nothing much to do. Stagnated at work but growing in knowledge =)

i am still looking for a mentor to work through my research..but i have absolutely no idea where he/she will appear from. i'm not hopeful..but i wish, dream, hope and pray i can actually find one.

fighter

i got this runner's world.. tips from elite runners..this was one of them:

Repeat a Mantra
"I have a lot of different words that I say to myself. One is 'fighter.' I think that and all of a sudden things come into focus for me. Even if I don't speed up, in my mind I calm down. I use my workouts to practice responding to these one-word cues."
—Kara Goucher

good luck fall from sky

I’m glad I woke up for a 5km run this morning. for all the food I’ve gobbled down last night, that’s the least I am doing to atone for it. =P

Have been doing a lot of self learning these days in the office. Being able to utilize my hours to enrich myself leaves me feeling satisfied, although sometimes puzzled with some weird stats theorem I can’t seem to fathom.

Taking autonomy of our learning is paramount in self development. In this environment which the company does not take a pro active role in moulding us, the responsibility is up to ourselves. This work environment works on a plane of equilibrium. If you can stay in that position for many years, people applaud to you. having worked here for 1 year 3 months, understanding the culture has left me wide-eyed. As unagreeable as I am feeling right now, there is little or nothing I can do about it. Time is not right for moving out yet. A caterpillar going through metamorphosis must be patient. Only having been through the process of breaking through the cocoon, will the butterfly be strong enough to take flight.

My point of view of things has shifted significantly through the last 2 years. from looking into just the few months ahead, dearie has opened my eyes to planning into my future and years ahead.

Life used to be, “so long I live today happily, that’s good enough”. To now, “I am hoping to achieve xxx in the next few years”. that’s progress in my view.

From a finance point of view, it’s not just spending today’s money and saving enough for next month. I learn it’s about understanding that money value diminishes and what must we do to invest so that our money grows faster than its shrinking factor.

I am learning and I really hope I can gain a better edge in this.

While walking to my bus pick up point this morning, I asked myself again if I should do up the research paper. Unfortunately, I have no idea who can I approach to be my mentor. My networking circle is so small that I hardly have anyone whom I can approach for help. Boss isn’t all too bothered about staff doing more studies. Supervisor is more interested in managing her reports and systems, rather than people. In this company, I can’t think of anyone to seek help in mentoring me in the research. Mr thong, my lecturer, hasn’t replied at all. I am skeptical to how keen he should be to mentor a student for no charge?!?..when he is commanding a lecture rate of $300/hr.

perhaps it's a no-go sign. if i still can't find someone by end of aug, i will pass on the research. that's not really that important for now perhaps.

can i find more practical working opportunities without leaving this company? leaves me wondering. sigh. i am digging for gold in the neighbourhood park.

Yet again, tricia gazes into the sky, looking for some good luck to fall from the sky.

the pursuit to weigh less

Today’s the last day of july..before we move into august. We’ve gone by 58% of the year already. Wow. how time flies.

I feel fat today. Been eating a lot since dym came yesterday. I am telling myself to keep my mouth closed to food until 6pm when I will have oats before tuition. I’m trying out my new PINK thermos flask which dearie gotten for me and I’ll be having instant oats and honey for a healthier change from bread. Bread is expensive ($2.40 for the usual mushroom ham loaf I have) and it’s not healthy.. I feel guilty gobbling it down before tuition..especially when I don’t exercise on the day itself.. =S

Yesterday we had our inaugural mid week runfanatic training at spe.. it was tough..at points I found myself at the brink of collapsing because I was so out of breath. But I’m thankful sham ran with me through the arduous 10sets of 150m. by the time I hit my 7^th lap, my legs were feeling much like lead. I attempted to widen my strides but found it impossible..i could only try to quicken my steps as I was struggling to even lift up my strides. Gee, I do need to work on intervals more. I believe I’ll get stronger..so I’m not giving up here.

I shall do my recovery run tomorrow morning..tonight I want to finish off the cleaning and ironing because I’ll be having lessons from fri to sun. I don’t want to tax dearie with the housework as he’s got to do his assignment too. Don’t worry baby, I’ll clean the house and whatever required, so sat you just got to help me with the laundry. =) dearie’s a gem because he always helps me with the housework when I have to study..the last time he tried to do so, he hit his foot against one of the doors and it swelled up badly. =(

I feel tired today..somehow my brain isn’t working that well.. I’ve got to go through 1.5 chapters more of stats..do the assignment for discussion tomorrow..and for work, finish most of the closing so I can breeze through the next few days. Now already feeling sleepy..jia lart. Maybe I need some tea-power…

Ahhh.. I’ve downed a big mouthful of tea and I’m feeling better already. More awake. Getting a little reliant on it but I’m popeye who need spinach power at times.

Mental note for today, I plan to finish closing by 2pm. Come out with the necessary reports and schedules. Then I want to study from 2-4pm. 4-5pm I want to attempt stats question.

During lunch I want to read my paper, read biz times and prepare a little for tuition. Wonder if I can find any interesting poems..hmm.

Tonight is tuition till 830pm. Walk home by 9pm. Clean the house and iron clothes, finish all that by 10pm. Wash up, settle in and sleep by 1030pm.

Tomorrow morning I plan to run at least 5-7km. after work, pop into mum’s to get the cheque and tapao food in my thermos flask. No time to eat because I need to rush back to the admin office to hand in the cheque and assignment cover sheet to Hang before 7pm. Lesson till 10pm..then dearie will pick me and head home.

Sat is training at ngee ann as usual. Lunch at clementi..then head to school lounge to study since I’ll most probably be early. Lesson till 8pm then meet dearie at mum’s, I reckon. have dinner, head home and have an early night.

Sunday, I’m hoping we can workout a bit before indulging in icecream. Dearie said we’ll be having swensen’s because we just received gift vouchers from great eastern which entitle us to free sundaes!

Have I mentioned I really do need to lose a little more weight? I am really struggling to do so right now but I hope to achieve that before photo shoot in sept. I’ve got slightly less than 2 months to do that.. found this running programme to lose 5 pounds from runners world and it’s perfect..because that’s exactly the amount I need to lose – 5 pounds (2.27kg). I’m hovering around 46kg the last time I weighed myself.. I want to look pretty on the photos..so I must try to shed abit of my flabs..control control..must watch my diet too.. argh..girls and their constant pursuit to lose weight. Haha. It’s never ending isn’t it? =P

hui si's bonus card

look! i made a bonus card for my student..i stole the picture from pixelgirl and added her name to it..i like it sooooo much i'll like to keep it for myself..hahaha..hope this will help motivate her to finish the homework i assign to her.

for every homework done..she gets a sticker! at the end, x number of stickers will earn her a present..probably a box of coloured pens or something like that. =)

quzzing mind

Haven’t had time to type a blog entry for update since last week. I’ve been pretty busy – utilizing my time well on study, work and of course, learning new things.

I’ve been focusing more on studies and tuition, finding time to revise stats (which I am very weak in) and preparing tuition materials. No more job hunts for me at the moment as I have somehow devoting my time into getting my studies done well. I do still pop into jobstreet every now and then..but that’s just to see if lady luck knocks on my door, for a desired position in a esteemed company.

In pursuit to get my studies done in the stipulated 1.5years I have set, having complete the ethics module yesterday (acca sent me the cd-rom and I went through it), I am now determining if I should allocate some time into research and get the degree as well.

first and foremost, I do have to find a mentor. I took the initiative to email mr thong, though not the best stats lecturer, is a knowledgeable phd holder who devotes much of his time in research. Hearing him mention about corporate social responsibility struck a chord in me as one of the topics in the research paper is on corporate social responsibility. Subsequent to hitting the dead end on my first research, I do think I am slightly wiser in choosing my research topic.

Challenge of the research is that it must be focused on one organization, which to me is deciding factor that makes or breaks the research. First, as it’s targeted on 1 organisation, the information gathered must be of research value, things that we can’t already gather from a click on google and everyday magazines.

Constraint 1. unless I’m with the company, else getting access to more information would be tough. No way am I going to do the research on my company as there isn’t much I can see my company do about corporate social responsibility. moreover, our management does not pro-actively participate in the development of employees. i won't be getting a lot of help from them should i even embark on a research of my company.

What company should I be focusing my research on? how can I gain access to more information? Journals? Internally circulated memos?

Constraint 2. if mr thong isn’t keen to be my mentor, whom should I then approach? Sign up with the school and pay about $500-750 for 3 meetings and guidance from a school lecturer? Is it worth doing so?

Consideration 3. Is it worth my time, effort and money to do this bachelor then? On surface, 50pounds is a small amount to pay for the marking of the research..but if consider time=money..then I am asking myself if spending the time on it is worth it. am I trying to put too much on my plate too fast? Or is it just riding on whatever I am studying on now? since I have set aside this 1.5years to study, can I cope with this other research paper? I have 9months to do it.

I am beginning to read a bit on this topic and I will probably be able to better assess it and decide before end of the year if I am going to do this research.

stay

The week has been like a freefall drop into the valleys.

- the interview on Wednesday was tough. I went without hope of getting the job. And I was right.

- my situation at work isn’t look any better.

- my grandma passed away on 24 jul 2am.

While I sit in the bottom of the well looking up into the oh-so-high sky.. I still want to give thanks for:

- singtel blessed me with yet again. $30 taka voucher + $1 burger king meal voucher.

- the new stylist I visited salvaged my ugly hair. So far comments I’ve been getting is I look young and cute. That’s better than the whole big mess earlier.

- I’ve finally opened my cdp account =) which took me less than 10mins to do so.

- the interview was tough but insightful. I am really appreciative of the affirmation the finance manager gave. I can’t express how much it has meant to me. the finance director is a man of wisdom and he reminded me much of nelson. Thank you for the personal phonecall. He asked me to hang on to the job I have and finish my studies. After which, he believes I will be like a “phoenix emerging from the ashes” as my studies will bring me a step further in career.

Honestly, if not for the new supervisor, it has been my plan to stay with vv till I graduate. I was wavered because she’s been making life difficult and I find working under her has already become a waste of time. nonetheless, I do concur with the director’s words.. by staying on, I will prove my track record that I am a person who can stay in a company. And hence, this will be what I want to do. stay.

- I am so thankful I found a friend to confide and rant with in bee lan. The similar “crisis” we are facing with our supervisor has brought us closer in our friendship. we’ve struck an alliance to be united..and that’s our tactic to outlast our “foe”.

- I’m so glad dearie’s finally back from kl yesterday. 2 nights seem too long..and snuggling warmly in bed with him is one of the best things in life =)

- I am almost recovered from my cough, nose block and runny nose. Thank you dr Jeffrey from life line. I’m going to stick to you from now on. no more raffles and trythall. You guys are crap.

It’s a tough time but I’m hanging on. what doesn’t kill me will make me stronger. =)

because you believed..

It’s been a longer than usual weekend for me. Quantitative methods is a demanding module and I am struggling to cope. Boy, am I soooooo thankful this weekend I’ll be getting a break so I’ll have some time to get dearie revise through common statistics calculation with me. I’ve never been too mathematical a person since young; unless the figures come with a $ sign in front, else I’m not too interested in them. But honestly, I’m not very good with formulaes and maths since young, so I do need all the help I can gather.

I was having girls’ talk with wendy (my young sister in law), and I told her I really look forward to the day I can wear the graduate’s robe and take a family portrait photo with my dearie’s family. Dad, mum, dearie, wendy, john and alicia. Not forgetting my own family too! My mummy dearest, brother, sister in law, rayden, new born nephew(I don’t even know his name yet!) and dad. I must do you all proud =) jia you tricia.

I’ve got an interview tomorrow and I’m actually not very optimistic of. I have applied for a position above of what I am holding now and I’m not too positive about my chances that the company will give me a shot at. Nonetheless, I am telling myself just take it as an exposure to see what is offered outside. No harm taking peeks through the peep hole sometimes, right? Not the least hopeful, but just a curious cat going for a spin.

i almost lost sight

I almost lost sight of myself today.

I have to chant and drill the following into my head so that I don’t become emotional with the work situation.

1. STUDIES is the TOP priority for tricia (“burn it into my head”, quote Ms Harris, my lecturer for accounting module)

2. This job gives me time to study and also tutor.

3. Time lost not studying can never be retrieved. Once I finish this module or term, I won’t be able to redo it again. experience at work I can still slowly sought out once I finish my studies.

4. I am earning enough to finance my studies and save a bit. Dearie is paying for all the household expenses now, and he wants me to save my money for studies. That’s why I’m taking up 1 more tuition assignment so that I can afford to shoulder the burden of household expenses too.

5. I need the bonus to finance my 3^rd term studies.

6. A good job must slowly be sought out. Don’t leave on impulse. I must make sure my next job is one that will allow me to develop and stay for a long while.

7. Best time to find job is after Dec pay-out. So no rush and don’t worry about the non-availability of jobs now. It’ll come, just not so soon.

8. Take the opportunity to learn, study and pick up things useful for my career.(not learning data entry as suggested by my colleague) more like doing some courses etc.

Talk about course, i am still drawn towards the Advanced Taxation course by tax academy. But it’s open only for tax professionals, so I’m no where near that. I’m a professional in GST filing. How’s that? =P

I was feeling way in the pits..but I’m slowly drawing myself out of it. Knowing my priorities and having them “burnt” into me is important. I don’t want to forget where my goal is because now I don’t see any light in the tunnel, but I am confident I will reach the end of it in 1.5years time.

things are looking better now

Dearie has given up his own training to keep me company for the past 2 days. I was really lethargic yesterday and dearie, instead of going for his swim, came back to do track training with me. he was having problems with his knees yet still ran with me for an hour. Thank you, baby. I am really thankful you are around. =)

After attempting for many tuition assignments recently but all seems to be infertile; yesterday, I finally got a call from a coordinator, Carine. She offered me an assignment for 2 days a week tutoring a P4 girl Chinese and English. Location is at Woodlands Road, which is actually on the main road next to Caltex. It’s really near my home! Just that I don’t think I’ve got any form of transportation to get there except by walking. I can bike there but it’ll be too unglam for a tutor =P

It is such a pleasant relief to know I have settled the tuition portion of my life. the target is to earn about $300/month from tutoring so that in any case should I have to quit this job to move to another (that translates into losing of my year end bonus), I will have enough to see me through the paying of my school fees in term 3. right now with the new assignment, I’ll be earning $380/month, which I hope to hold through till at least end of next year. I’ll try my best to help the students..and if they work hard themselves too, in the win-win situation, we can sustain the relationship of student-teacher for a long while. =)

I’ll be starting this assignment next Tuesday because I wanted to give myself some time to gather some materials and familiarize with the syllabus. I’ll pop by big bookshop on Saturday before school to go through some books and get a few if I have to. I can always reuse them again when I teach other students so the money spent on books will never go to waste. Alternatively, if time permits, I’ll love to dig into the 2^nd hand bookstores at Bras Basah again for some good buys.

I’m 85% done with my first assignment. Aiming to finish it off by today. It’s quite an impressive piece of work. Will get dearie to proof read it tonight before I submit it by end of the week. Having finished the assignment, Friday I’ll be using my 2hours study time to go through the quantitive notes. Hearing all the lousy feedback about my lecturer for the module, I am fretful. Nonetheless, I always remind myself with what dearie tells me, “whether the lecturer lousy or not, I still must score!” with a lousy lecturer, it can only mean I must work doubly hard and should I do well in this module, I can unbashfully boast and claim the credit to myself!

koff koff

Was just informed that a new secretary for the fc will be coming in next week. wow. we sure have a lot of budget to be able to afford another headcount. Don’t know if it’ll be a good thing or not but somewhat it feels like we’ll be getting another spy amongst the team. Haha.

I won’t try to deny that I am truly tired of my work here. I don’t know why that kind of really stale feeling but it’s really not helping in any way at all. Strangely, I can’t seem to put my finger on a particular problem but it’s more like a big jumbled up mess here.

Having gone through jobstreet.com yesterday, I gave a shot at a position advertised in it. It’s like a shot into the dark. Not expecting any returns from it but more like just throwing a dart onto a board I can’t see at all.

Hang on. do my part and just live in peace with my surroundings. Don’t sow unhappiness. Just be neutral.

Time flies when you don’t think about it. like today it’s already 16^th. Another 11 days to pay day. And this marks my 1 year 3 months here. Before you know it, tricia, I would have completed my studies and on the runway to something better.

Have been attempting to obtain more tuition assignments but the effort seems infertile. I think the tuition agents are probably sick and tired of hearing from me all the time..competing with undergraduates is really tough, on top of the fact that I don’t have an impressive academic record books to boast of. I won’t give up though. I’m sure something suitable will come my way.

I’ve completed the report as required today. On the dot. I don’t want to finish it too early since it’ll most likely sit in her in tray for a week or so anyway. I’ve been slowly doing it bits by bits as I haven’t found sufficient energy to see through it. but now it’s done, and I’m pretty satisfied with my piece of work.

Been sick and out. Do hope to recover from the sore throat and coughing soon. By the way, I want to condemn our company doctor located at Jurong Point. I haven’t had a good impression of it since the last time I was there. Yesterday, I’ve made up my mind that that’ll be the last time I’ll ever step into that clinic again. the doctor bo-chup-ness is really unwanted. This clinic gets a BOOOOO from me. The next time I need to visit the doctor, I’ll go to LIFELINE clinic. The one at Limbang gets a thumbs UP from me and sook sun recommends the lifeline located at Bt Batok.

1 more hour to the end of day. Time to do reading for my assignment!

distracted

Distracted; my mind feels like a piece of shattered glass dispersing light shone, into a spectrum of colours. Trying hard to finish up the quarter report to meet the wed deadline. Thinking about assignment. Thinking about a new job and work. thinking about dressing myself a little better. Thinking about the argument caused by a pair of canvas shoes. Thought about why is it so difficult to get another tuition assignment.Thought about how I can fill my tummy healthily during class. Instant oats in a thermal cup?

My throat hurts from an overdosage of milo through the weekends. Been drinking too much of it in class because it’s the only thing that fills me up and gives that sugar boost. Got to reduce intake of that.

I feel down and distracted today. =(

the human side of superheroes

I had my first intensive block over the weekend. It was tiring to study through the 15 hours stretched over 3 days but as it’s pretty manageable for a familiar topic. Next week I’ll begin quantitative analysis, which I am more uncertain of, and made worse after I heard my classmates mention terms like regression etc which are alien terms to me. =S

I’ve got an assignment to work on, which I target to complete in the next 4 days and Friday I’ll be using some hours to get myself to skim through the study notes for quantitative.

John and Alicia gave Billy and I to a treat to Sizzler and the movies on Sunday. Thank you so much to both of you! =) I enjoyed the salad bar and soft ice cream. Yum yum.. I’ll post up some of the photos on a later entry. Thereafter, we caught Hancock at GV Marina. I felt the story a little out-of-this-world, but I like Will Smith. In a way, it wasn’t a show about a superhero (think spiderman, batman, superman and all other men) vs some big villain, but rather, a struggle of a man who happened to have some out of this world supernatural power. Just like a human, no matter how powerful you are in your own realm of control, in front of your loved ones, the softer (and humane) side of you will surface.

economic crunch?

I would like to comment on how wasteful I find Singapore is. There was a NDP rehearsal which took place over Saturday and I witnessed the fireworks going off up in the sky. Fireworks do not come cheap and I felt it was a waste setting them off on a rehearsal! Talk about tightening our belts and giving more to the needy. If we could simply save more on these fireworks, I’m quite sure there’ll be more funds that can be channeled to back to Singaporeans for aid. Afterall, the funds used to purchase these fireworks come from taxpayers. I am not against fireworks on the ACTUAL national day, but on rehearsals? I find it an Utter Waste.

give me a clue

I read from a back dated business times..the first paragraph from the journalist who quoted LTA, “ERP rates must go up because the current congestion, if left unchecked, will have a negative impact on the economy.”

The headline of this article reads, “ERP helps business, says LTA”.

In my myopic eyes, I read it as, “ERP helps government’s revenue and keep LTA employed”.

Lesser congestion will only mean fewer people are traveling to the places ambushed with gantries. How would that translate to any help for businesses? When does lesser crowd mean better business?

Singapore is a little dot in the world map and do you know how many ERP gantries there are in this small dot?

65.

Wooohooooo!

I’ve been reading the papers diligently because I see a need to keep myself abreast with the ongoing-s of the world and regional economies. The thirst for more is becoming insatiable especially with the non-existent development at work.

Is there any opportunity out there which I can grasp more knowledge and experience related to finance? Can I volunteer time at the Singapore Exchange, financing company (NOT 大耳聋), or banks? Internship? Give me a chance..someone..somewhere?

Dream about being in a dynamic environment where supervisors are actively empowering us, the people below. It’s a place where people are challenged and enabled to take ownership of work. Our views are heard and management value people. Dream, tricia..that’s too ideal to be true.

I am going to search for some internship or part time..or volunteer..whatever..which ever..so long I can gather some relevant experience that’ll help catalyze my pursuit for the full acca membership and attain cpa status.

give me more clues what can i do to go further and faster? guide me and i will follow. show me and tell me how.

metamorphosis

Couldn’t resist popping into jobstreet.com to browse for available jobs. Shutting myself out of what is going around at work is difficult. There’s a tinge of jealousy when everyone else around are getting their promotions, even the youngest member of our department who came in after me has jumped one grade while I’m still stuck here wilting away.

The next jump up to accountant is not within reach from my present position and as I reviewed recently, the distance is pulling even further apart.

What should I do next? I am trying so hard not to look at others but I just feel pathetic being as such. 2 days ago, a new list of promotions was put on the board. I did not expect my name to be on but another name from department has received a promotion, I sank even further. After all, she’s been here for 6 years while I am only into my 2^nd year, so it’s not fair to compare as such.

The whole situation at work is stifling. Like a butterfly going through metamorphosis, the struggle out of the cocoon encasing me seems more demanding than I thought.

cliff hanger tricia

I was near my breaking point at work yesterday. not because I was utterly busy that it tested my limits so, but rather, I was finding work completely meaningless and idling was the worst thing to be paid to do.

Somehow, dearie’s words calmed me down to think rationally. i am setting my sights only at my masters. That’s my goal.

How do you know you’ve met that someone who is right for your life?

No matter what happens in your life, he/she is always beside you cheering you on and traveling the distance with you. he/she doesn’t put you down but reminds you that there’s something to be learnt from every episode. I know I found that someone =)

Honestly I can’t see a future in this job I am presently at. I’m so stuck in between. I don’t have new things to work on because the FC has taken most of my work to do on her own. I’ll never make it to the accountant post because to my superiors, I have nothing to prove myself. I’ve been feeling very down since the FC came and I find that I am going no where at all.

I’ve been thinking of moving on for several months and the only reason I am still here is because of my studies. Some may fancy a job that pays you to idle but to me it’s a sheer waste of time as I find the pressing need to learn and catch up with my peers.

However, because of the whole heap of free time I have, this is probably the only job that’ll allow me to do some studies. On the flip side, a trade off with lesser work prospects and challenging work to simulate my brains.

Colleagues are nice people, except the FC. She’s not nasty, just that she’s not a good manager of people. I appreciate my colleagues, hence I’m not repulsive against this job nor pressed to find another job badly.

Tomorrow my first class starts. I’ve already planned out my time a little and I’ll attempt to work within whatever I’ve set for myself. Studies will keep me busy and converge my focus; away from the unhappiness at work.

Dearie is right, once I finish my masters in another 1.5-2years time, I will move off to the next level. meantime, hang on..hang on..hang on!!

tricia is blessed

i've been very blessed through the weekend.

dearie bought me a new hp. the sony ericson w910i in a nice bronze with gold rims. pretty!! =) it came much a surprise as he had planned to get the omnia for my father-in-law but it was out of stock and the price has rose quite by quite a hefty bit.

i've been very blessed recent days. dearie got me the new phone. singtel picked me as a lucky winner of $300 tangs voucher. with that, i bought my wedding shoes (dearie picked it!), matching earrings to go with the wedding set, a new steam iron (woohoo!!) and also a new wallet. most of the things i've gotten are good buys because i'll need them for the wedding, except the wallet..i wonder if i've been a little extravagant =(

we've still got $80 left after all that and i think i can use that to buy something for dearie or mummy.

why don't they set a salon up in tangs? then i can pay for a new haircut with the vouchers. =)

when there is will, there is way

The weekend that has just passed had been like an emotional roller coaster for our family. My mum has been walking in a trough of the valley for a long while and I’m relieved she has finally gathered her courage to walk out of it soon.

Often at times, talking about walking out can seem so easy. Pack up and move on. yet, we know in the process, there is a whole lot of emotional baggage to move – of which we must gradually learn to give up.

I’ve been very worried for my mum, knowing her soft heart and emotional nature. Dearie and I talked through it during the day and before we slept last night. Verbalizing and tossing perspective with dearie is therapeutic to me. it helps me sort my thoughts out and gather another point of view. As I managed to fall asleep finally, my mind was not at rest. I had a dream and this time, again I sort an interpretation to it.

I stood at one side of the lake’s bank. I could see the other bank right in front of me but I knew I had to cross the wooden pathway/bridge in order to reach there. the pathway/bridge was narrow and looked unstable. It was not a straight pathway as it stems out into several routes towards different areas of the opposite bank.

Cautiously I took steps onto the pathway. Some steps sank into the water and I had to struggle to jump to the next step. Hobbling all over the place to find a safe path to reach the bank I ended up on the path way to the market. This was the worse path of all as it sank entirely. I fell into the water and swam back to where I started.

Once again I stood there looking at the paths analyzing what I have encountered and drawing a mental route of which better route would bring me safely over this time. as I looked on, other people began to gather around me. they too looked at the path way and I warned them that the one towards the market has sunken. Some nodded and started to cross the pathway. Many of them reached the other bank safely. It gave me confidence that it is possible to reach the other bank without falling into the water. At this point, I was awakened by my alarm. Feeling a little “dui” I didn’t get a chance to walk through it, I was very sure in my heart, if others can do it, I can do it too.

I went to the internet to seek some likely interpretation of what I saw. This was what I came back with.

Bridge

1. Transition; crossing from one way of life to another.

2. A rise in the level of consciousness on the part of the dreamer; heightened awareness.

To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage.

To dream of a run-down bridge, indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time.

To see a bridge collapse in your dream, denotes that you have let a great opportunity pass you by.

Lake

To see a lake in your dream, signifies your emotional state of mind. If the lake is clear and calm, then it symbolize your inner peace. If the lake is disturbed, then you may be going through some emotional turmoil. (It was a calm lake because I managed to swim back to the bank with ease)

To emphasize the positive, water is often a symbol of new life, refreshment, and vigor. Water in manageable amounts or controlled settings almost always conveys this sentiment to the dreamer. Controlled water is the key.

If a dream contains a lake, is the entire shoreline visible and likely attainable? (YES!)

Water presented in this way is often indicative of renewal. For example, while traveling and growing weary, the dreamer suddenly happens upon a creek.

Disclaimer: by seeking an interpretation to my dreams does not signify a reliance on dreams to direct my life. in a way I do think that our dreams are highly reflective of our state of mind. In some fact, our dreams are sometimes borne out of our emotional condition. I emphasize that it happens sometimes as there are times we do have utterly ridiculous dreams that are not worth the effort to think twice of.

An affirmation is what I gather from the dream yesterday night. My mum can move through this phase of agony to a better shore ahead. Others ahead of her have managed to do it, she can too =)

hairy woes

this photo was how exclaimed i was after i cut my hair today. i have told the stylist i didn't want it too short and she chopped my tresses and made me look like mushroom all over again.

gone are my poodle bangs.wroof wroof..and hello to mushroom head..erm what sound does mushroom make? ummmmm..

i went through the beauty forum and sourced a few places for a hair cut. i was desperate for a trim as my hair was overgrowing all over the place and i felt really dreary with it. all the places recommended in the forum were mostly "high class" salons of which getting a hair cut would mean paying an amount of minimal $38. majority of the salons are located in central singapore..which probably explains a little more of the price it's coming with.

i missed the appointment with nancy(my usual home based stylist) at 1130am this morning because i was with my mum and the rest of my family for "family meeting".

needing a hair cut badly and seeing dearie sleeping, i decided to just walk to yew tee mrt and search for a decent salon for a trim. after all, how bad can a trim get? it's in this wulu neighbourhood..so i reckon it won't be so expensive.

horror of horrors. a trim CAN turn out bad. like this. and i had to pay $19.80 on top of suffering shock from it. why 19.80? because it was 22 after 10% discount. give me 50% discount and i'll still be reluctant to let them cut my hair again. no way jose.

dearie comforted me and told me i still look pretty with the new hairstyle. i know he was trying his very best to pacify and cheer me up.

how i look now? if you let me describe it, i look like an aunty going to the wet market. the hair cut is somewhat childish and totally unflattering.

i am so upset the long tresses i've been keeping for my wedding were being chopped off. if the stylist had given me a nice hair cut then probably chopping them off would be justified..but i lost my long tresses and i got an aunty mushroom head in place.

someone tell me what i can do about it now? =(

most would probably say just live with it for now.

sigh. i already hate the sight of myself in the mirror. aunty dressing with aunty hair cut. i'm the ultimate aunty of the year. boohoo.