reality and change

The reality of corporate world – unforgiving and selfish.

The secretary came over to talk to me about my resignation. She commented that it would be good that I stayed a while more for the new accountant to come in. At the same time, wait for the bonus.

My immediate response within my heart was, “why should I?”

Why should I give up a good opportunity right before me, to provide my current company a smooth transition?

They have no intention to develop me and funny it was that she asked what plans I have.

Even if I have stated my plans to you, would you give me the chance to achieve it?

If it is yes, then they would not have advertised for the accountant position.

So what is her plan for me if I stayed? Assist the accountant for another 5-10 years?

She did not ask me to stay on till audit, because she knows I have a better offer which is the chance she did not want to give me.

I am willing to forgo the bonus because I believe the potential of my new job exceeds that.

Someone out there believes in me. Someone is going to give me a chance to leap one step up. And because someone has faith in me, I will give my all to achieve it.

Change is painful but necessary. I will not want to fall into that comfort zone. Sometimes because we have been in the same place for too long, moving becomes exceedingly difficult. We consider too much about the new challenges and doubt our abilities to face them. Before we know it, we shirk and delay change. I see that evidently when I converse with long-serving colleagues.

New company and business nature? take time to understand!

New accounting system? Go for training and pick up!

New bosses and colleagues? Take effort to build relationships.

New scope of work? Read up and learn!

New things bring learning and growth. =)

first post of 2010

I am on my final lap in my current company. I have made a list of work I must complete before my last day on the 14^th.

I want to do a good job even at the end; I want to leave the company with a clear conscience that I have handed over things to the best of my abilities. It’s my way to appreciate my boss for giving me a chance 3 years ago. He opened that door to let me rejoin accounting; something very few employers were willing to give to a person who has been out of the profession for a while.

Though I am grateful, I recognize there is no more room given for me to grow here. to move is the only choice left and I am sure the move is for the better.

We enjoyed the last of the long weekend for 2009 and commencing into 2010 feels a little strange. Maybe I am still working on the residuals of 2009 and of course, in terms of work per se, I am closing accounts for 2009.

Top of the list goal for 2010 is to excel in my new job. I resolute to continue spending quality time with my loved ones and building relationships that will last. i want to try my best to achieve a sub-4 marathon too, which I’ve been working on for the last 1.5 months.

These are things to look forward to – New challenges. New frontiers. New hope.

the old has gone

I broke my coffee mug this morning. Perhaps it is a sign that the old has gone and the new will come.

I Graduate!!

My last paper. =) I cleared.

Very thankful and grateful for those who have been with me through the journey. (Oops, another speech from me again)

But this is the last time I’ll be doing this (no more academic studies for me for the next 5 years at least!) so I want to express it nevertheless.

Thank you to dearie for the countless nights and days you have stayed with me to keep me company while I studied and rushed assignment. Thank you for the sacrifices you have made.

Thank you to mummy for her encouragement. I promise I will continue to do you proud and shine in the things I do.

Thank you, pa and ma for their support. Ma always made sure we had enough to eat and would get medication for me whenever she heard I was unwell. Pa was the one who first got me thinking about my life.

Thank you, Christin for being the listening ear and sister in my life. You constantly cheered me on and told me that the finish line was near.

Thank you to all my friends who jia-you-ed me on before my exams..hehe.

All of you made a difference in my life =) So glad to finish this lap with pretty decent results. Something I would dare to print out and show my prospective employers in the future! =D

Today I officially mark the completion of all the 3 goals set when I started my career back into the corporate world.

It is easy to set goals..but the crux is to be more than a goal setter, but be a goal achiever. I continue to work to be a goal achiever. That's my pursuit for life.

Next lap, here I come!!

cleaning and scrubbing for the new year

Spent a great weekend with dearie at home. We spent an accumulative 10 hours spanned over 3 days, to do so. Our home feels organized, clutter-free and a lot more pleasant now. In fact, I commented it feels tidier than when we first moved in. we dumped a whole lot of junk, cleared out old t-shirts to be given away and bought a new rack for the store room. With the rack, we created a lot more space and we organized our items in boxes to be stored away.

It was a joint effort and doing it together made the difference. =)

It is a lot more welcoming now for pa and ma who are visiting this Thursday. We cleared the main toilet so it could be used and I will give it a good scrub down to get it sparkling clean.

Apart from cleaning, we went shopping and had training on Sunday. The Christmas crowd was crazy but sales were enticing. Dearie bought me another Christmas gift from G2000 – a full working suit. He reminded it was my dream to wear a power suit and strut down Shenton Way. He said the gift can be used when I have meetings to attend. I am blessed! =)

We were both down with sore throat and runny nose for a couple of days and I believe that was why we felt a little lethargic during training. Don’t give up dearie. Let’s train up for a good run in Tokyo. We only have to train hard and smart thrice a week =)

3.5 working days for this week. Another 3.5 working days for next week, before it marks the end of 2009.

I am so looking forward to the Christmas holiday with our family and of course, the new year!

just another 15.5days

This isn’t good but I can’t help staring at my calendar daily and counting down mentally.

Anticipating a negative appraisal today; prepared for the worse. I have put up my defenses to protect myself. Not that I am going to deflect her presumptions of me, but more to stay calm and just bear through the 20-30mins I must sit through. It’s not worth losing my cool over because I don’t see reasons to justify myself. Everyone is free to have their own opinions.

I kept the advert to remind me what sort of a person she is. Though she holds the decision making authority in the department but her decisions does not earn the respect from the rest of us. we follow not because we agree with the things she do but because our opinions are irrelevant and we are told to follow as instructed. period.

The whole sense of helplessness looms over my department these days. It seems so familiar as we last had this feeling during mich’s dismissal too.

I took a while to try to fathom her ways. i wondered what she is looking for. But I’ve stopped doing so a while ago. It was an utter waste of time and needless as well.

Things will still go on. work is work. as much as we abhor her ways, we can come to work daily, fulfill our duties, draw our deserved pay and continue to let days go by as they come.

Glad these days will be coming to an end for me in another 15.5 working days. New beginning. New challenges. Growth!

me too!

Coach sent us the list of PBs achieved during scsm and angkor wat by my team mates. Aww..i felt envious! a little left out of the action in a way.. i hope i get to join in the fun with the rest next year. it will be fun going for races together in a team.

then i decided to look back to my seremban timing. find on the left the timing i posted in july this year. 1.56.47.

during scsm last sun, i did a 1.56.39! yayy..pb for me too! eh..8 sec!

considering the following:

1. the longest distance i've ran for the past 1month was 12km.
2. my weekly mileage for the past 1 month averaged 40km. I don't know how i survived the time i wasn't running. =P
3. I ran 8km hard MR on the Sat before Sun's scsm. Don't tell coach i didn't complete the prescribed distance because my legs went jelly.

Coach was ardently against me going for sun's half. he nagged..nagged and nagged alot. basically he felt i have not trained for it and it was disruptive to my marathon training.

but i still went. =X

yesterday i suffered =( mid way through intervals my legs wanted to give up. i was on the verge of confessing i did sun so that i can be let off from the rest of the sets. but coach pushed me on. i was so breathless i nearly teared. i bet i must have ran very barrel-like because i felt my striding went all hay-wire.

coach said, "if it's not painful, then it's not training."

he has a good goal for me and that is something i want to achieve. the determinant to whether i can achieve it will be how hard i train now. =)

up we go!

I am happy =) just glad that my skills are valued. I will be taking a step up from where I am and I am excited about the change.

I am looking forward to learning new things and challenging myself further. i may fall short now but I will catch up.

I believe the tide is turning for us. i took a plunge into goals I have set for myself. I bagged 2 of them and the last one is very close now.

As I verbalized my life development to my interviewers, i am embarking into the season of “doing”. It is putting the things I learned into use and gaining experience. Learning must continue but not in the form of academic for now. It is learning on the job now and I am praying for good mentors in the next phase of my career.

It will be very steep learning curve up ahead but I know I will get there. Regardless how steep, I believe I will move the higher level as long I keep on moving.

I remember there was one adventure race which dearie and I participated in. we were made to bike up fraser's hill on our mountain bikes. It was really agonizing as the road was winding and the going up seemed never ending. Our legs were tired after many hours of running (my hamstrings were tight and pulling) and with our tires pumped up to only 40psi, the journey was made tougher. The markers on the road were inaccurate and we could see no end to the road ahead of us. Several times, I broke down and was close to giving up. During then, dearie was there; he hugged me and told me to keep going. And he helped distract the pain i was experiencing by singing backstreet boys’ songs to me too. (I called him backside boy =P)

It warms my heart to know i have loved ones with me in this journey. I know I will get there. I'm going for the top and nothing less. I promised i will do all of you proud and my journey continues.

training has been feeling hard these days. i don't seem to find myself getting faster and my legs aren't holding up well enough either. they've been sore and achy more often than they should..and they take a darn long time to recover =( i wondered if pain is good, no pain no gain?

made some marked progress in my revision over the long hari raya weekend. i've covered much according to plan. counting down to the 2 weeks before the exam.

dearie and i were out shopping after the run. we were at city hall and there was a peugeot road show. we were awed by the 308 and i proclaimed it as my car-to-be (not knowing the price tag attached to it).. now that i know how much it costs, i'm wondering if i dreamt a little to far with the car-to-be. hmm..maybe in another 20-30 years' time? hahaha..

i am suppose to be revising but i decided that i am going to spend the night sending out job applications. i must scale higher.. and the only way is to seek for better prospects and move. it gets a little disappointing that none of my applications sent so far yielded an interview. yet, i shouldn't stop here, should i. keep finding. keep seeking. only those who seek will find. only those who keep climbing will reach the summit. and it's the top i am looking at.

i liked what dearie told me after the run at macritchie today. he was pointing out my upslope running technique..but i felt it is applicable to my career as well.

" keep looking up. look at the top of the slope and run with your head up. when u look up the ground will look flat. if you keep looking down, it'll be like a never ending upslope. look up, open up your strides and run up."

running is so much like life. =)

i dream to be somebody

I got it, finally. I’ve got the cpa in my bag now. One more in another 2 months time which I will make it happen.

Yielding the fruit of labour is such exhilaration. To me it’s an affirmation that hard work does pay off and nothing in this world comes easily.

I am grateful how dearie stayed by my side every night I had to mug through exams and endured my rant about how tired I was. My mummy’s jia you never fail to light up my day and lift my spirit. Ma and Pa’s support and care helped me take the first step out. Christin is a role model to me that learning never stops.

This is bonus added to my accreditation but it’s not the end. It is the beginning. Now is the time to head out and earn back what I have put in. it’s a lot of time, money and effort. I have learnt so much, surely I must put it to some use at least.

I have achieved most if not all the goals I set out for myself more than 2.5 years ago, when I stepped into this company. Now I am setting new goals and working to achieve them. My next goals in sight are:

1. Find a new job which will utilize acquired knowledge and skills

2. Earn and save more money so I can recoup my depleted savings

3. Find a good company and position to move into, so I can gather valuable experience of the next level

No more academic learning for now; practicality and experience are the foci.

Those who have looked down upon me, I am proving you wrong. In the next couple of years, I want to be someone who can lift my head high before you and tell you, “you’ve been wrong about me. I am not a wreck and learning is not useless. I am someone now.”

training & assignment-ing

A relaxed day at work. supervisor on business trip. Boss not around. 2 colleagues on half day leave. It seems like the weekend came around early this week.

With my work done, I can type a blog entry and work on my corp finance assignment. It’s a pretty tedious assignment and hopefully we can get things worked out during discussion tomorrow.

Started on the ‘full package’ training this week. Swim was tough for I haven’t done proper swimming (don’t include the wadding at pa’s pool) in a long while. The 1.5km took me forever to finish. My strokes felt heavy and ‘splashy’.. it just made me miss swimming with iggy. Under his coaching, at least I felt more streamlined and efficient..now I am back to my zabalang strokes..and my kicking is back to the break-surface-of-the-water sort. Maybe I should do some kicking drills next week.

The runs with the new team were awesome. I really enjoyed their company and I love chit chatting with different individuals during warm up and cool downs. =) I hope to integrate into the team better in the days to come.

My body is taking some time to get used to the new form of training. I’ve stopped feeling jittery about resting.

Will be obedient and listen to what coach says..and keeping my fingers crossed, it will enable me to achieve a pb at Tokyo!

the quest starts now

The quest began yesterday. It took some mustering of courage to click upon the send button; like tossing a coin into the fountain and believing that the wish made will come true.

Too much has signaled a need for change. Being in this position has caused many things to fall beyond my grasp.

While I went through pages of vacancies out there, something sparked in me. I realized I need not constrain myself in this small pail. There is an ocean out there. I have the necessary qualification, know-how and experience; there are organizations which are looking for these skill sets. They are willing to offer a position up for similar kind of work..and the pay is a considerable leap. Everything tells me to get out and smell the fresh air out there.

Perhaps something new may pose uncertainty. Perhaps it might be worse. But i’ll never know till I try.

Setting everything aside, I must tread into unknown waters.

Don’t have to wait till graduation or for that reply from icpas. I am starting my quest now! Charge!!

staying sharp & focused

It’s time to focus again. My thoughts have been wandering wild and affecting my ability to concentrate.

My priority list goes:

1. assignment in 2 weeks. Got to get that out.

2. exam in 1 month. Clear this and I’m ready for graduation.

3. training with km for the next 3 months. I feel uncomfortable cutting out all the mileage I used to do. I’ve been told to pick up swimming, something I’m not good at. But I know I must follow what he says so that I can benefit from the training.

4. job hunting. I feel uncertain with the applications because I have yet to bag my masters nor have icpas reverted. My colleague put in her application 10 months ago and is still waiting for them to respond too.

5. interviews.. new job. Really want to push my career up by a notch. I’ve been moving in gear 1 for a long while. Time to go to gear 2.

Focus..look ahead..and stay sharp. =)

term 3 cleared

Really thankful to clear both papers for last term. These are the best term for the year so far. I am truly down to my last paper for the course – Corporate Finance. This term is the final lap of this race and I must do it well and complete it in good style.

I shall leave my words of thanks till the very end; give everyone a hug and tell my loved ones how much I appreciate the support and encouragement they have showered on me during this journey.

Meantime, it is dearie’s turn to the battle. Wishing him all the best for his micro-processor assessment this evening. His exams are drawing very near too. We will work hard together.

I’m still waiting for my icpas response which is taking too long. 2^nd intensive for corp finance in 2.5 weeks. Assignment and presentation are due on the Sunday of the 2^nd intensive. This will have a 50% weightage. After 2^nd intensive, another 3 weeks before my final exam of the year. I am getting so close I can literally smell the graduation scroll in my hands!

Yes, I am looking around for career advancement. Time to move on.

Oh ya, out of random, still can’t decide when I should go for my haircut. Hmm..

flashes her fangs

For a moment I felt frustrated with the disparity of work load. Here I am slogging away since the moment I stepped into office, while she is sitting there dozing off. And how can she possibly be paid more than me?

I’m a little overwhelmed as I have barely touched my work and have been working on solely the work of the colleague I am covering. I have to shoulder the entire load while I have another colleague in the department surfing the net for the morning and dozing off in the after noon.

I cannot fathom why and this is a strong push factor to get myself out of this rut.

long lapses. new things to come.

I seem to have fewer things to blog about these days. Perhaps I am finding less need to air them in this virtual space, as I found listeners among my loved ones. The rise of facebook somehow overshadowed blogs. People get immediate responses to a wide audience of friends on fb. Why still blog then?

I find I have lesser time to halt and pen down thoughts at work these days too.

Life is pretty much the same. Still waiting for results. How come UK bodies respond faster than Australia and Singapore? I got my UK response in 2 weeks. It’s been 4 weeks for both Australia and Singapore.

Work has been relatively the same too. Still the same rants and unjustified feeling. More work to do these days as I am covering for a colleague on 2 weeks’ mc.

I’m running a lot more with dearie these days. =) I am looking to sell my marathon slot as I have been advised that will do my Tokyo marathon no good but more harm.

There were episodes which I feel I have learnt from. The frailty of human relationships. The power of words. Anger management.

School starts this week. 7 weeks to my final exam. And if all things go smoothly, graduation will be well in sight.

There will soon be new beginnings..new endeavours.. new things to learn.

Budget for my holiday

In effort to save for my holiday next year, I have revived my expenditure taking habit. It kind of got dwindled off after starting it several months ago.

This time it is to ensure I don't spend needlessly and that I save enough for next year.

To my friends and family, please pardon me if I may seem a scrooge. It is not without a valid reason!

I'm a cheapo..so what?! =P

Newsletter writeup

I was given the opportunity to contribute to the company newsletter. Tasked to do a write up for the 5-days training course i did.

I was faced with a drought of word; it just didn't flow. So the following was what i managed to come out with. I did ask the coordinator to do whatever editing required because i think i lacked content and didn't seem to make much a point. I will post up the edited version, should it differ much from this. hahahaha

Achieve Training

The 10^th run of the Achieve training took place over 15, 17, 25, 28 and 30 September, with 9 participants from different departments. Much was covered over a span of 5 days; provided opportunities to interact with colleagues we would otherwise have little contact with, channels to voice our perspectives and a common ground to challenge each others’ ideas. All that gave learning added dimensions of discovery and application.

Learning only goes a mile with that we capture with our brain. That which will go the distance is the application to our hearts – changing the way we live our lives.

“If I hear it, I forget it. If I see it, I remember it. If I do it, I know it. If I discover it, I use it.”

at least give me some credit for trying la! =P

Patience: the virtue of gold

I’ve been relearning a virtue called ‘patience’.

In the attempt to attain greater lady-likeness, my crown of mess continues to grow out of control. Who is the shabby-dog I see, staring right back at me? (think: mulan soundtrack) it’s like that piece of scab our fingers will itch to peel off; same goes to my crown of mess which I am ‘itching’ to snip off. Patience. Maybe I should just wear a hair net over to tame it. O_O

Can’t help but log on to access Adelaide and eicpas to check on the status daily, despite knowing results won’t be out so soon. Patience.

Anxious whenever I think of my career status. To go or to stay? Should I start applying now, though I know I must stay till I finish my exam in Dec. Patience.

The wrist injury is still persisting. Saw Dr Chow yesterday and the medication somewhat reduced the swelling. Yet, I can’t be relying long term on medication to suppress the pain. The tendon has to heal someway! It can be frustrating to be crippled by this injury. But like Dr Chow said earlier, “It will take time to recover”. Yes, patience.

I am sorry to say but I hate the way he treats my mum. I am dying to get my mum out of the situation. I wish I had the ability to bring her out of that house and let her have a good life. In my dream I have a bigger place where I can have my mum reside with billy and i. I can afford to let my mum stop toiling at the shop and just enjoy retirement life. I can afford to bring her out for good holidays, which I know has been her dream to all these while. Her retirement work will be to take care of our children =)

It’s nice if dreams became reality but the truth is, I am nowhere near what I dream of. The truth is I am helpless when my mum comes to me with the situation and there is so little I can offer her.

All these drive me to move up. I must achieve more. I must acquire the ability to do something about it. Somehow, it translates to a nagging impatience in me. I ask myself when will it be my turn to reach that greater level. When will I have greater financial independence? When will I earn enough to give the loved ones around me a better life? When can I be a person my loved ones will be proud of?

Patience. Like dearie often reminds me, “be on the right track. And all these will come in time.”

1 out of 3

It is here! My first goal achieved out of the three I've set.

Can't wait for the next two to come soon.

I've been obsessed with checking my results online on a daily basis despite knowing it won't be out so soon. hahaha.. excited la. =P

I feel good..na na na na na..