am i falling sick soon?

i've been amazingly tired this week. i woke up this morning feeling my body isn't mine.

been having weird bizarre dreams too. i dreamt i walked to my primary school via sophia road. along way, there was a guy who started playing the piano.. i peered through the window and just saw this man there playing the piano like music lived within him. not wanting to be discovered, i walked on to my primary school only to find it locked (obviously, it was at night then).. and i made a turn back.. with the intention to pass by that house once again.

somehow that reminded me how long i haven't touched my piano since i gave up on the dip.

i'm in a similar situation now. thats sense of "even if i tried, would i have made it feeling".

the conversation with cw yesterday left me with alot of afterthoughts. where has tricia's motivation gone to? is she headed for the wrong direction with all the wrong reasons? is imca a dream that's drifting further and further away beyond my grasp?

alot of questions, i asked. alot of answers, i wish i found.

i said i just want to keep moving. i am scared to stop because i don't know where the tide would wash me to.

tricia needs an imaginary friend who would tug her out of bed in the morning. she needs an imaginery friend who would bike and run with her each morning. doing it alone can be uber boring, especially so now that her flashdrive mp3 player has broken down. why isn't anyone giving her one of those portable radio freebies? these days i'm often getting calculator freebies. gee. i want a radio! i want a radio!!

i went to nap in between typing this blog..and guess what..i woke up with sore eyes.. my shoulders hurt. sigh.

am i falling sick soon?

raindrops keep falling on my head

drip drip drip

rain rain rain rain

drizzle drizzle

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

cannot bike

cannot run

can sleep

can stone

can daydream

oh noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOooo

my kor and sis-in-law bought me a nice necklace from their honeymoon in europe. really pretty.. will take a photo of it and post it up soon. though i'm not a necklace/accessories person..but it's really not often my bro gets stuff for me.. so it's special =)

long day at warren tomorrow. praying for no rain during the charity golf event tomorrow. i don't mind the hot sultry sun!

next race up? hopefully port dickson half marathon with isabel in may. akan datang!

nightmare

as i moved my hands through the back of my skull and then back into sight, there was blood. my hands were stained in blood. i sat up still in a state delirium. everything flashed across my mind. it happened way too fast.

on the dawn which i was suppose to cycle to macritchie and then to run, i sat up in my bed with a numbing sensation of fear that ran around my left rib cage. maybe it was an excuse on my part. but the nightmare made me decide to stay home for the morning and not cycle down. perhaps that was a sign. a premonition. an omen.

putting my initial plans aside, i settled for the lesser - ran 30mins to work. probably do my usual noon jog and 3sets of stairs later. tonight i'll be having lifesaving. determined to sleep early tonight. i want to do my bike and run tomorrow instead. so it'll be biking (on my market bike) to macrit, do my 10km run and then bike to work.

i'm short of a 12.8km run and ez bike. since i'll be riding down to spe pool and back for swim training, that'll make up for the ez bike. 12.8km run. 2 morning of running to work would make up 7km. i'm still 5.8km short. will have to find somewhere to slot that in.

still having alot of complications with the injured left rib cage. the pain torments me and impedes my training. totally undesirable. my mum got me 'tian qi' to consume. it's suppose to help with the blood circulation etc etc.. i think it should be a little too potent..i actually woke up with a sore throat this morning. koff koff.

na na's coming home! yay yay yay!! i'll only be able to bring it back on sat.. will pop by c2c, cycle it down to rl, work then cycle it home. busting my progress package on this overhaul. gee. nonetheless my bike deserves to be repaired. with the broken spoke, worn cogset, rusted chain, worn tires, faulty shifters..it was really in a bad shape.

shoots..after a morning in school.. my mind's kind of numb and switched off.. wake up, wake up tricia.. hehehe

happiness defined....

i have reasons to be happy..reasons to smile.

i am happy coz i completed sac. though last team in the extreme category but it was an achievement for me. no way was i physically competent for the race but i just gritted my teeth and held on.

our 3 days journey brought us through many peaks and valleys mentally and physically. it gave me a better idea of what adventure racing is all about. pushed my limits to a higher treshold. allowed me to discover how much trashing my body can actually tolerate. the mind is amazing. even when my body says no, when my mind says yes, it will still go on.

i am happy coz my mummy is happy. that elation on her lovely face as she told me of her speech that won her a pen.. she's been taking a interpersonal and communication skills course for a couple of weeks now and she has benefitted loads from it. most of all, she gained more confidence when relating to people. i smile, simply because i see my mummy smile.

i am happy because i have many friends who care. i have friends who would help me move my bike up and down numerous buses from sg to customs to city lounge to senai..then from senai to larkin to customs back to sg. thank you, adrian chum. i have friends who would pop me a slab of chocolate when i come back from the gruelling 9hrs race, help me wash my bike, tell me to note that my spoke has broke and comfort me with words of encouragement after a long day's running and biking. thank you, dex. i have friends who have kept me going on, kept an eye on me and stopping to tell me "c'mon, let's do it".. thank you, grace, teckwee and jameson.

i am happy because i have alot of colleagues who care too. thanks for all the prayers =)

in life there are just so many things that can put us down..but we can choose to give thanks. we can choose to count our blessings, instead of the worries.

happiness is how we define of it.

i choose to be happy. =)

quickie from sabah

with 6mins off the meter.. i'm just trying to pen some quick thoughts at sabah.

sitting in the common area of trekkers' lodge right now.

sunday did hash..it's like a trek activity that goes on every mon,wed,fri,sat,sun. fun..tough..tough.. tough.

today (tue) mtb..at this granite-y place. totally new experience. control was tough. but i guess i've got to get used to it. this IS offroad riding, i must say. singapore pales in comparison.

sac is 3 days away, i'm down with 2 huge blisters, 1 on each foot. it's bad bad bad. but i'm going to survive.. i'm just going to hang in there.. i don't travel so far to NOT complete. I MUST COMPLETE!!

and yes..i've been eating alot of things here. fat liao.. cham lor!

be back next monday. don't miss me too much ya? =P

decisions, decisions, decisions

decisions decisions decisions...

borneo global backpackers or trekkers' lodge?

change chain or don't change chain? (don't change. weiliang says new chain on old cogset might cause some shifting problems)

room or dorm? (room for the safety of my belongings.. and since aman said i can hang out with them)

c2c or rollite?

change tires or don't change tires? (don't change)

talking to adrianchum...another decision

tricia the fighter says: go earlier = cheaper = spend more time in airport
adrianchum says: woohoo
tricia the fighter says: go later = more expensive = spend less time in airport

have to decide if we'll be taking from larkin or city lounge.

decision: city lounge. more time to play with. we got exact timings of arrival..so no need to wait aimlessly.

i got my new prepaid number for malaysian phone. great! it's from digi..

oh shit. just found out trekker's lodge rooms are fully booked on the 9th. oh no oh no oh nooooooooooooooo!!

tying up with alan, my team mate. trying to get a place to stay.

alot alot alot of things to do.

it will turn out fine. it has to.

i need a bait

i actually feel unmotivated and sad.

sad that my training isn't undergoing the way i want it to. i just sit at my table watching time pass by and yet not doing anything about it.

sitting here and getting fat is just NO GO for me man.

i'll get my butt moving in 15mins. maybe the lure of the new shoes might just help!

couldn't resist it when i stepped into saucony shop 2 weekends ago..and i bought for myself a new pair of shoes. i had wanted to simply BROWSE at their cushioning shoes...however for some reason or another..i ended up BUYING their cushioning shoes. aww man.

do justice to my new shoes man. torture it with at least 20km of running later!!!!

let me see..what can i lure myself with?

a good breakfast. a nice lunch. a perfect dinner to end the day.

i feel like riding to habourfront later. not too sure the way. 3.5hours. i can go alot of places.

such guilt and agony not being able to finish my training. i better clear it up soon. let's see what's on the back log.

sat: 2.5hrs bike
sun: 1.5hrs run
mon: 9.6km run (say another 1.5hrs)
tue: 1hr bike
wed: 12.8km run (2hrs)

total: 3.5hrs bike + 5hrs run

yes..i missed that much. it is BAD! the only thing i've been doing is the mountain biking during noon time. haha..

might have to plan that in at night or something.

update.

- completed 6.5km run (1hr)
- completed 2.5hrs bike
- ran to work (30mins)
- bike this noon (1hr) pending

remainder: 2.5hrs run

tonight: lifesaving + 1.5hrs run

moving the 1hr run till tomorrow.

thurs morning: brick..instead of bike-run, i'll translate it to run-bike-run to make up for the 1hr run. hehehe..in this way, i'll be able to clear all the back log.

oh yes, i still haven't gone around wearing my new shoes. i thought i better save it till later. =)

yawns. sleepy.

yoko-yokoing my shoulder cap since this morning. koyoked it last night. aw man..after swim training yesterday, my right shoulder was in pain. could barely move it around. whacked too hard for the 100m and 200m..by the time i got to the 500m, i was barely able to move my arm.

keep my fingers crossed for lifesaving tonight..

i soooooooooo need to practise my chin and extended chin tow on someone..but i just don't know whom i can approach to do so. anyone around here who swims and doesn't mind drinking abit of pool water??

managed to clear all the downhill sections today during mountain biking! yipee.. only left with 1 last uphill to overcome. yes, the one near the sewage. i know i can do it, next week i'll continue to work on it.

one last item for the day.. life saving..then it's zoom home..bath, watch the last initial D dvd and go to bed. i'm freaking tired after yesterday night's 4hrs training.

gotten a new bouy from shifu..hopefully that makes kiap-ing of the it for dolphin kick easier.

yawns. gee. i AM tired. -_-

it can only get better

call me an addict. i worked myself out till 1230am till my body screamed "STOP IT!" and my mind went almost delirious.

corrine may's journey has lyrics that spoke to my heart. i've changed my blog "preface" to reflect part of the song. i've messed up the order so if you do listen to the song, it doesn't read the way u read it now.

doing a skit with amy and christin for cme talk this afternoon. i'm the kopi soh (coffee aunty)..ho ho ho..really no image! -sniggles- you don't get to wear flip flops and shorts to school all the time!

4.50pm update: Skit went ok. i started my first day of mtb-iking at t15 & BT.. went pretty ok today. definitely much more confident than last thursday. still unable to clear the upslope at the sewage.. but i think at least i had much more control of my bike when i attempted it.

tricia never gives up without a fight. i'll be biking every weekday as i'll be leaving nana in the office. i've got my sidi shoes and helmet in office too.

i thought i did better on the down slopes today. i've kinda got the hang of shifting my weight left and right on the back wheel to keep it down while going down. i'm sure i'll get better as the days go by.

pretty happy with my progress at work. i'm all prepared to groupwork tomorrow. i've got an extra hour..which i will start on the SR materials.

phew. i hope i finish training fast tonight and get to go to sleep earlier.

on pressure

my brain's spilled and scattered all over the place.

i want to sleep but my mind's preoccupied.

work

training

work

training

work

race

training

groupwork

children's camp


it's scary. kinda feel like trampling into a mangrove swamp. treading through is laborious.

multitasking.

1 window on super kids club

1 window on respect groupwork

1 window trying to blog to verbalise the stress.

i can't sleep.

when i've had enough of it, i'll take flight into the night with my running shoes and just run somewhere.

in the coolness of the night, in the quietness of the empty street..maybe i'll find some solace there.

i want to cry

could i throw the mountain bike away and just walk away?

could i just stop trying so hard?

why does giving up seems so easy?

why is holding on so tough?

this morning's ride at bt wrecked my esteem. i start to question myself once all over again. can i do this?

one voice says, "give up, tricia. why are u battering yourself like that? take the ez route. throw in the towel. walk away. c'mon, give up!"

another voice says, " this is sooooooo not tricia's style. give up? without putting up a tough fight at least?"

"you sure you can overcome the fear?"

"there has to be a way, isn't it? i haven't tried hard enough."

"i should be out there running. the weather is beautiful."

"i'm tired. i just want to STOP completely."

"another hour passed and i wasted it dwelling in melancholy."

bidded apr2's race goodbye.

when i cannot take it anymore, crying is not a bad thing to do.

hungry gal is an angry gal

i was 1.2km shy of 19.2km. told adrianchum if i did the full 19.2km (that's 9.6km x 2) we would go for ikea hotdogs. however, by the time i ran to chinese garden and back, then grabbed my bag and ran to work, it only brought me to 18km. =( well, if i include the 3.5km i'll be doing in the afternoon, the probably i'll clock sufficient mileage.. but that would lapse about 5hours apart.

lifesaving has so far been good. need to bring a towel all the time to do reach.

training will be on full gear this week. no more dayima to fall back on.

taking groupwork all on my own today as amy will be seeing doctor. touching on coping mechanisms. gathering and stringing my thoughts together now.

zhenghui cut me off in the middle again. argh. it is just getting on my nerves! however as i ranted to God over it..the thought of not imposing and grabbing attention came to mind. the thought of just being by him as a friend seemed more important that just wanting to get his attention. i still look up to him. his passion for ministry, his heart for the youths.. it moves me. we are in the same work, but of different reach. nonetheless, we serve the same God, calling us for the same purpose.

one week late to wish nick happy bday. just wishing him here. not going to send a sms.

shit. i hungry now. brain cannot work. O-O

in times like these

it's times like these that you start to ask yourself why you do the things you do.

it's almost 730pm and i can feel fatigue setting in quite a bit.

give me a pat on my back so i can go on.

We at the TOP! 

Vertical Marathon Team "No Mountain Too High!" 

entry of such

have been really swarmed with work for the past 2 weeks. i could barely keep my head above water!

on top of all the work, training is still undergoing. can be really trying at times.

yesterday was a really long day. 2.30am i was up. 3am out for 6.5km run. 1.5hrs bike. ran to stadium, found it was closed. ran to interchange, got to work by 7am. worked till 430pm, got to queenstown stadium, did the interval training i was suppose to do. hmm..actually it kind of didn't end up as interval.. was suppose to do 20x400m + 1min recovery but i thought 1min recovery would make my tracking of distance tough..so i simply ran 20x400m @ 148-165. after my 3rd lap, i was telling myself, no way am i going to be able to hold through the whole 20laps..probably i'll just do 15..but thankfully, along came this man whom i was able to pace with. hence with him, i ran my full 20laps at the required hrm through out. i maintained at good 158-160 all the way till the end. yay! after which was a pretty challenging training at life saving. we learned a lot of new things, from reach to rope to non contact tow and contact tow. swimming next to eugene was cool. -sniggles-

chum has made leeway for me so i didn't have to pay the fine for postponing my thursday brick to friday. this morning i was wayyyy too tired to complete my 3.5hrs bike. in fact i overslept and woke up late for work! =S

got to make up for my 3.5hrs bike tonight and i have no idea where to go to. well, on the alternative, that's to bike on my trainers at home.

wonderful morning with the 3-on3 basketball challenge. team 857 failed to defend their title, losing to team the highlights. well, i'm sure they'll come back stronger next year, despite the disappointment.

i'll finish work at 4pm. get home before 5pm. run 9.6km from 5.30-7.30pm. bike on trainers, while watching Initial D DVDs for 3.5hrs.

tomorrow it'll be run to SPE pool and 50mins swim.

go for it!

101% of tricia

been feeling tired. it never seemed to go away since mid week when i was rushing for steady readers materials. spent the weekend mornings sleeping in. i would just wake up but feel totally immobilised in bed. even today, i am still feeling like my bones would be giving way soon.

i really need some bone breaking massage.

or maybe just one full day which i can slumber in bed ALL DAY.

dream on.

i could take time off next week..but i chose to utilise last month's time off for sac and took another half day to practise butterfly. o_o

at this moment, suddenly it feels that i am needing a listening ear more than rest. is that so?

work has been more challenging than usual. alot more responsibilities, alot more going on these days. i certainly do enjoy the spectrum of different work i get to do..but things are happening so fast, i am trying my utmost just to give my 100% in all i do.

spent $60 and saw through a friend. not a bad deal after all.

there aren't all that many friends i can trust these days. people just come and go. for a moment they are there, next moment they are gone. i wonder if i'm like so to others too? that certainly would be the last thing i would want.

vertical marathon later. gee. i'm not sure how it'll turn out. keeping my fingers crossed on this.

i got no idea how i'm going to make up for those trainings i've missed.

will we be doing butterfly tomorrow? i'm still a struggling earthworm!

oh no oh no oh noooooooooooooooooooooo~~~

at all cost.

keep my dream alive. fan the flame.

tell me how can i get my energy back. plug the adaptor to my back?

ok..i'm going to watch the ironman clip now.

let nothing hold me back.

it's 100% for my ironman dream too! =)

e-x-haustion

i need help Lord! desperately seeking for ideas for children's camp and respect groupwork.

punctuality.

coping mechanisms.

and one girl with mental block.

oh no oh no.

monday's the meeting with christin for the camp and i'm still clueless what i can contribute.

at the back of my mind i've been secretly hoping he would call up and just discuss it through with me. fat hope.

totally exhausted when i got home yesterday. slept. woke up. and i missed everything i was suppose to do. last night, i already knew no way am i going to fulfill all the training.. coz i was aching all over. i suppose i'm just going to do it after work. hope i survive.

trying and bz week. i'm glad steady readers launch went through beautifully.

more materials to prepare. more work to do.

of all the busy-ness and head-spinning.. i am so hoping for a nice embrace..seeking rest in the loving arms of someone who cares.

giving up?

decided to go for sac after all. i asked myself if i would regret if i let it pass my by. my answer is yes. hence i'm taking the risk..my fate lies in avtar's hands now.. to get me suitable team mates.. and of course, i will be praying that i'll be blessed with team mates who are easy to race with.

keeps her fingers crossed.

i know how badly i need to be riding off road but i'm just full of apprehension. on one hand i really hope to have people i can ride with..coz it can get pretty dangerous riding alone in the trails..but i don't want to let my slow speed hamper the progress of my friends.. weiliang, ken and people are the usual group i ride with..however i feel bad when they have to wait up for me..and i feel worse when i stay back at an upslope hoping by trying numerous times, i would be able to clear it.. they would be there with me.. though they don't have to do so.

once again, i'm at the cross road feeling torn. maybe i should just ride on my own. crash into the bushes once again. cry alone. pull myself up on my own. praying nothing serious would happen.

will be joining shifu's osim class starting next thurs. i don't think i'll be continuing with han.. coz i feel that i want training that would make me whack hard. for that, shifu's new class is right on time. transition is perfect.

don't ask me how i did it. i lost my uob atm card. gee. $5 to replace one. sheesh.

run. tmr is steady run to beauty world. noon run and jog. lifesaving trial at night.

have been wanting to talk to zhenghui for the longest time, but he doesn't seem to have time. whatever. i give up. i hope i find someone else to toss those children's camp, groupwork and ministry thoughts with. don't say you've got time, the truth is you don't. even if you do, you won't spare it to listen to me, right?

was pouring some of my rants to jie today. sigh. after a while we do just give up don't we?

but as i was telling a friend, if it's something within my control, i WILL NOT give up so easily. NOT without a FIGHT.

the snail came in 2nd

ke wei made us swim butterfly. i think i was more like a snail than butterfly. first 4 laps of dolphin kick, i was barely moving. we did 4 laps with buoy and board. 4 laps with just buoy. 4 laps without buoy. 4 laps with the arms and buoy. 4 laps with just the arms. at the end of it, my hips and legs were barely coming out of the water. guess what, that was NOT the end of it! we had to do another freaking 100m sprint. all 4 of us - qiu li (not su li), amelia, chris and i.

lo and behold! i was like freaking tired after the butterfly-snail attempt..another 100m sprint?!? o_O and he told us he was taking timing...woooooooo..

came in 2nd. 2:08. qiu li probably came in 1:40.. chris did a 2:10 and amelia abt a 2:40.

not too bad, tricia.

pats herself on the back.

i'll put in more effort to practise my butterfly tmr. hopefully by next monday, i'll be able to at least be a dragonfly.

checked out this tui-na(chinese traditional massage) place opposite delta pool after swim training. seems interesting. the next time i got a achy-breaky back, i might pop in to get a massage.

tired. i skipped the run and stairs tonight. going to turn in early.