just another 15.5days

This isn’t good but I can’t help staring at my calendar daily and counting down mentally.

Anticipating a negative appraisal today; prepared for the worse. I have put up my defenses to protect myself. Not that I am going to deflect her presumptions of me, but more to stay calm and just bear through the 20-30mins I must sit through. It’s not worth losing my cool over because I don’t see reasons to justify myself. Everyone is free to have their own opinions.

I kept the advert to remind me what sort of a person she is. Though she holds the decision making authority in the department but her decisions does not earn the respect from the rest of us. we follow not because we agree with the things she do but because our opinions are irrelevant and we are told to follow as instructed. period.

The whole sense of helplessness looms over my department these days. It seems so familiar as we last had this feeling during mich’s dismissal too.

I took a while to try to fathom her ways. i wondered what she is looking for. But I’ve stopped doing so a while ago. It was an utter waste of time and needless as well.

Things will still go on. work is work. as much as we abhor her ways, we can come to work daily, fulfill our duties, draw our deserved pay and continue to let days go by as they come.

Glad these days will be coming to an end for me in another 15.5 working days. New beginning. New challenges. Growth!

me too!

Coach sent us the list of PBs achieved during scsm and angkor wat by my team mates. Aww..i felt envious! a little left out of the action in a way.. i hope i get to join in the fun with the rest next year. it will be fun going for races together in a team.

then i decided to look back to my seremban timing. find on the left the timing i posted in july this year. 1.56.47.

during scsm last sun, i did a 1.56.39! yayy..pb for me too! eh..8 sec!

considering the following:

1. the longest distance i've ran for the past 1month was 12km.
2. my weekly mileage for the past 1 month averaged 40km. I don't know how i survived the time i wasn't running. =P
3. I ran 8km hard MR on the Sat before Sun's scsm. Don't tell coach i didn't complete the prescribed distance because my legs went jelly.

Coach was ardently against me going for sun's half. he nagged..nagged and nagged alot. basically he felt i have not trained for it and it was disruptive to my marathon training.

but i still went. =X

yesterday i suffered =( mid way through intervals my legs wanted to give up. i was on the verge of confessing i did sun so that i can be let off from the rest of the sets. but coach pushed me on. i was so breathless i nearly teared. i bet i must have ran very barrel-like because i felt my striding went all hay-wire.

coach said, "if it's not painful, then it's not training."

he has a good goal for me and that is something i want to achieve. the determinant to whether i can achieve it will be how hard i train now. =)

up we go!

I am happy =) just glad that my skills are valued. I will be taking a step up from where I am and I am excited about the change.

I am looking forward to learning new things and challenging myself further. i may fall short now but I will catch up.

I believe the tide is turning for us. i took a plunge into goals I have set for myself. I bagged 2 of them and the last one is very close now.

As I verbalized my life development to my interviewers, i am embarking into the season of “doing”. It is putting the things I learned into use and gaining experience. Learning must continue but not in the form of academic for now. It is learning on the job now and I am praying for good mentors in the next phase of my career.

It will be very steep learning curve up ahead but I know I will get there. Regardless how steep, I believe I will move the higher level as long I keep on moving.

I remember there was one adventure race which dearie and I participated in. we were made to bike up fraser's hill on our mountain bikes. It was really agonizing as the road was winding and the going up seemed never ending. Our legs were tired after many hours of running (my hamstrings were tight and pulling) and with our tires pumped up to only 40psi, the journey was made tougher. The markers on the road were inaccurate and we could see no end to the road ahead of us. Several times, I broke down and was close to giving up. During then, dearie was there; he hugged me and told me to keep going. And he helped distract the pain i was experiencing by singing backstreet boys’ songs to me too. (I called him backside boy =P)

It warms my heart to know i have loved ones with me in this journey. I know I will get there. I'm going for the top and nothing less. I promised i will do all of you proud and my journey continues.

training has been feeling hard these days. i don't seem to find myself getting faster and my legs aren't holding up well enough either. they've been sore and achy more often than they should..and they take a darn long time to recover =( i wondered if pain is good, no pain no gain?

made some marked progress in my revision over the long hari raya weekend. i've covered much according to plan. counting down to the 2 weeks before the exam.

dearie and i were out shopping after the run. we were at city hall and there was a peugeot road show. we were awed by the 308 and i proclaimed it as my car-to-be (not knowing the price tag attached to it).. now that i know how much it costs, i'm wondering if i dreamt a little to far with the car-to-be. hmm..maybe in another 20-30 years' time? hahaha..

i am suppose to be revising but i decided that i am going to spend the night sending out job applications. i must scale higher.. and the only way is to seek for better prospects and move. it gets a little disappointing that none of my applications sent so far yielded an interview. yet, i shouldn't stop here, should i. keep finding. keep seeking. only those who seek will find. only those who keep climbing will reach the summit. and it's the top i am looking at.

i liked what dearie told me after the run at macritchie today. he was pointing out my upslope running technique..but i felt it is applicable to my career as well.

" keep looking up. look at the top of the slope and run with your head up. when u look up the ground will look flat. if you keep looking down, it'll be like a never ending upslope. look up, open up your strides and run up."

running is so much like life. =)

i dream to be somebody

I got it, finally. I’ve got the cpa in my bag now. One more in another 2 months time which I will make it happen.

Yielding the fruit of labour is such exhilaration. To me it’s an affirmation that hard work does pay off and nothing in this world comes easily.

I am grateful how dearie stayed by my side every night I had to mug through exams and endured my rant about how tired I was. My mummy’s jia you never fail to light up my day and lift my spirit. Ma and Pa’s support and care helped me take the first step out. Christin is a role model to me that learning never stops.

This is bonus added to my accreditation but it’s not the end. It is the beginning. Now is the time to head out and earn back what I have put in. it’s a lot of time, money and effort. I have learnt so much, surely I must put it to some use at least.

I have achieved most if not all the goals I set out for myself more than 2.5 years ago, when I stepped into this company. Now I am setting new goals and working to achieve them. My next goals in sight are:

1. Find a new job which will utilize acquired knowledge and skills

2. Earn and save more money so I can recoup my depleted savings

3. Find a good company and position to move into, so I can gather valuable experience of the next level

No more academic learning for now; practicality and experience are the foci.

Those who have looked down upon me, I am proving you wrong. In the next couple of years, I want to be someone who can lift my head high before you and tell you, “you’ve been wrong about me. I am not a wreck and learning is not useless. I am someone now.”

training & assignment-ing

A relaxed day at work. supervisor on business trip. Boss not around. 2 colleagues on half day leave. It seems like the weekend came around early this week.

With my work done, I can type a blog entry and work on my corp finance assignment. It’s a pretty tedious assignment and hopefully we can get things worked out during discussion tomorrow.

Started on the ‘full package’ training this week. Swim was tough for I haven’t done proper swimming (don’t include the wadding at pa’s pool) in a long while. The 1.5km took me forever to finish. My strokes felt heavy and ‘splashy’.. it just made me miss swimming with iggy. Under his coaching, at least I felt more streamlined and efficient..now I am back to my zabalang strokes..and my kicking is back to the break-surface-of-the-water sort. Maybe I should do some kicking drills next week.

The runs with the new team were awesome. I really enjoyed their company and I love chit chatting with different individuals during warm up and cool downs. =) I hope to integrate into the team better in the days to come.

My body is taking some time to get used to the new form of training. I’ve stopped feeling jittery about resting.

Will be obedient and listen to what coach says..and keeping my fingers crossed, it will enable me to achieve a pb at Tokyo!

the quest starts now

The quest began yesterday. It took some mustering of courage to click upon the send button; like tossing a coin into the fountain and believing that the wish made will come true.

Too much has signaled a need for change. Being in this position has caused many things to fall beyond my grasp.

While I went through pages of vacancies out there, something sparked in me. I realized I need not constrain myself in this small pail. There is an ocean out there. I have the necessary qualification, know-how and experience; there are organizations which are looking for these skill sets. They are willing to offer a position up for similar kind of work..and the pay is a considerable leap. Everything tells me to get out and smell the fresh air out there.

Perhaps something new may pose uncertainty. Perhaps it might be worse. But i’ll never know till I try.

Setting everything aside, I must tread into unknown waters.

Don’t have to wait till graduation or for that reply from icpas. I am starting my quest now! Charge!!

staying sharp & focused

It’s time to focus again. My thoughts have been wandering wild and affecting my ability to concentrate.

My priority list goes:

1. assignment in 2 weeks. Got to get that out.

2. exam in 1 month. Clear this and I’m ready for graduation.

3. training with km for the next 3 months. I feel uncomfortable cutting out all the mileage I used to do. I’ve been told to pick up swimming, something I’m not good at. But I know I must follow what he says so that I can benefit from the training.

4. job hunting. I feel uncertain with the applications because I have yet to bag my masters nor have icpas reverted. My colleague put in her application 10 months ago and is still waiting for them to respond too.

5. interviews.. new job. Really want to push my career up by a notch. I’ve been moving in gear 1 for a long while. Time to go to gear 2.

Focus..look ahead..and stay sharp. =)

term 3 cleared

Really thankful to clear both papers for last term. These are the best term for the year so far. I am truly down to my last paper for the course – Corporate Finance. This term is the final lap of this race and I must do it well and complete it in good style.

I shall leave my words of thanks till the very end; give everyone a hug and tell my loved ones how much I appreciate the support and encouragement they have showered on me during this journey.

Meantime, it is dearie’s turn to the battle. Wishing him all the best for his micro-processor assessment this evening. His exams are drawing very near too. We will work hard together.

I’m still waiting for my icpas response which is taking too long. 2^nd intensive for corp finance in 2.5 weeks. Assignment and presentation are due on the Sunday of the 2^nd intensive. This will have a 50% weightage. After 2^nd intensive, another 3 weeks before my final exam of the year. I am getting so close I can literally smell the graduation scroll in my hands!

Yes, I am looking around for career advancement. Time to move on.

Oh ya, out of random, still can’t decide when I should go for my haircut. Hmm..

flashes her fangs

For a moment I felt frustrated with the disparity of work load. Here I am slogging away since the moment I stepped into office, while she is sitting there dozing off. And how can she possibly be paid more than me?

I’m a little overwhelmed as I have barely touched my work and have been working on solely the work of the colleague I am covering. I have to shoulder the entire load while I have another colleague in the department surfing the net for the morning and dozing off in the after noon.

I cannot fathom why and this is a strong push factor to get myself out of this rut.

long lapses. new things to come.

I seem to have fewer things to blog about these days. Perhaps I am finding less need to air them in this virtual space, as I found listeners among my loved ones. The rise of facebook somehow overshadowed blogs. People get immediate responses to a wide audience of friends on fb. Why still blog then?

I find I have lesser time to halt and pen down thoughts at work these days too.

Life is pretty much the same. Still waiting for results. How come UK bodies respond faster than Australia and Singapore? I got my UK response in 2 weeks. It’s been 4 weeks for both Australia and Singapore.

Work has been relatively the same too. Still the same rants and unjustified feeling. More work to do these days as I am covering for a colleague on 2 weeks’ mc.

I’m running a lot more with dearie these days. =) I am looking to sell my marathon slot as I have been advised that will do my Tokyo marathon no good but more harm.

There were episodes which I feel I have learnt from. The frailty of human relationships. The power of words. Anger management.

School starts this week. 7 weeks to my final exam. And if all things go smoothly, graduation will be well in sight.

There will soon be new beginnings..new endeavours.. new things to learn.

Budget for my holiday

In effort to save for my holiday next year, I have revived my expenditure taking habit. It kind of got dwindled off after starting it several months ago.

This time it is to ensure I don't spend needlessly and that I save enough for next year.

To my friends and family, please pardon me if I may seem a scrooge. It is not without a valid reason!

I'm a cheapo..so what?! =P

Newsletter writeup

I was given the opportunity to contribute to the company newsletter. Tasked to do a write up for the 5-days training course i did.

I was faced with a drought of word; it just didn't flow. So the following was what i managed to come out with. I did ask the coordinator to do whatever editing required because i think i lacked content and didn't seem to make much a point. I will post up the edited version, should it differ much from this. hahahaha

Achieve Training

The 10^th run of the Achieve training took place over 15, 17, 25, 28 and 30 September, with 9 participants from different departments. Much was covered over a span of 5 days; provided opportunities to interact with colleagues we would otherwise have little contact with, channels to voice our perspectives and a common ground to challenge each others’ ideas. All that gave learning added dimensions of discovery and application.

Learning only goes a mile with that we capture with our brain. That which will go the distance is the application to our hearts – changing the way we live our lives.

“If I hear it, I forget it. If I see it, I remember it. If I do it, I know it. If I discover it, I use it.”

at least give me some credit for trying la! =P

Patience: the virtue of gold

I’ve been relearning a virtue called ‘patience’.

In the attempt to attain greater lady-likeness, my crown of mess continues to grow out of control. Who is the shabby-dog I see, staring right back at me? (think: mulan soundtrack) it’s like that piece of scab our fingers will itch to peel off; same goes to my crown of mess which I am ‘itching’ to snip off. Patience. Maybe I should just wear a hair net over to tame it. O_O

Can’t help but log on to access Adelaide and eicpas to check on the status daily, despite knowing results won’t be out so soon. Patience.

Anxious whenever I think of my career status. To go or to stay? Should I start applying now, though I know I must stay till I finish my exam in Dec. Patience.

The wrist injury is still persisting. Saw Dr Chow yesterday and the medication somewhat reduced the swelling. Yet, I can’t be relying long term on medication to suppress the pain. The tendon has to heal someway! It can be frustrating to be crippled by this injury. But like Dr Chow said earlier, “It will take time to recover”. Yes, patience.

I am sorry to say but I hate the way he treats my mum. I am dying to get my mum out of the situation. I wish I had the ability to bring her out of that house and let her have a good life. In my dream I have a bigger place where I can have my mum reside with billy and i. I can afford to let my mum stop toiling at the shop and just enjoy retirement life. I can afford to bring her out for good holidays, which I know has been her dream to all these while. Her retirement work will be to take care of our children =)

It’s nice if dreams became reality but the truth is, I am nowhere near what I dream of. The truth is I am helpless when my mum comes to me with the situation and there is so little I can offer her.

All these drive me to move up. I must achieve more. I must acquire the ability to do something about it. Somehow, it translates to a nagging impatience in me. I ask myself when will it be my turn to reach that greater level. When will I have greater financial independence? When will I earn enough to give the loved ones around me a better life? When can I be a person my loved ones will be proud of?

Patience. Like dearie often reminds me, “be on the right track. And all these will come in time.”

1 out of 3

It is here! My first goal achieved out of the three I've set.

Can't wait for the next two to come soon.

I've been obsessed with checking my results online on a daily basis despite knowing it won't be out so soon. hahaha.. excited la. =P

I feel good..na na na na na..

for such is a time

"cheesy" hotdog rolls version 2!

i added cheese this time..yummy!

dessert: nata de coco jelly

cucumber mask-ing!

it has been a fun weekend for dearie and i. this is a long awaited rest as school has been very busy since it began this year. so what did we do?

Sat: - did MR run. dearie was the only one who managed to complete the 3 sets of 6.4km; the rest of us were punctured after 2. all thanks to the monkeys which ravaged our drinks. there goes my beloved raspberry pink nalgene bottle =( don't ask me how they managed to drink from it..but they did.

- we went brunch with the rest.. you mee dry! yum yum! it's fun to sit around, chit chat and enjoy a meal together with friends.

- we got home, had a nice nap..and then woke up to watch Slumdog Millionaire. a show we've both been wanting to watch but never got the chance to. the vlc and media player were both pretty laggy..but still, we enjoyed the show nevertheless.

- dinner: i made a version 2 of the previous hotdog rolls..this time round, we added cheese to it.. and dearie also suggest sardines..which i made a few for trial. yum yum yum! dessert was raspberry jelly with nata de coco. hehe.. we've been eating our hearts out!

Sun: - did ECP with our team again. the guys covered 30km while i did 25km with adrienne and yenling. peiyu, petrina and isabel did 20km. it was a mentally tough run for me..as i haven't done distances more than 20km at one go for a long while.. however, the best part of being in a team is having friends to go through the pain with. isabel ran with me a few kms until we reached safra. i ran out to changi coastal alone..but i could see adrienne and yenling ahead. i ran the last few kms with adrienne..and her strength is amazing.

- we went brunch again! with alex, isabel and yenling at old airport road. wantan mee for me!

- i don't fancy waking up at 430am to get to ecp by 530am for runs..nevertheless, the good thing about it is to be able to get home early. we were home before noon time..and that gave us time to grab another nap.

- we watched schindler's list. this is a 93 film i've been wanting to watch for the longest time in my life.. i am strangely drawn to war films/biographies and i enjoyed this steven spielberg film tremendously. no one wins in a war. there can never be a valid reason to justify all the killing.

so that's a weekend with no studying.. just running.. eating.. resting and enjoying time with dearie. as i sit here 9pm.. counting down to the final hours of this weekend, i am thankful for such times. time to enjoy company of good friends.. time to do things we like.. time to eat the things we want (and not worry about growing fat because we ran hard for it).. time to do the things we've been wanting to do but never got the time to... time to cuddle.. time to do masks.. time to laugh..and time to be a part of each other's lives. =)

it has to go up

Exams for the term had ended last weekend but we are still ploughing through 2 more assignments due this Friday. I was given a stack of readings on Monday and my task is to pick up noticeable events that might have caused a steepening and flattening of the yield curve on a month to month basis. I am required to send mine in to JK for compilation by tonight; hence I will not be making my way down to ccab for training.

I will drop my cpa application into the mailbox on Friday morning. Having checked with May, the whole application process will definitely take more than a month. My heart beats faster with the very thought of obtaining that cpa position.

I was counting down again to my final term of studies this morning. It’ll all pass before I know it.

A mental timeline of what I am going to do from now till end of this year.

- hand up assignment by this Friday, 25/09

- research on building my own portfolio (28/09 – 29/10)

- read harry potter & eq books (28/09 – 29/10)

- clear back log of newspapers to read (28/09 – 04/10)

- read up corp finance notes (26-28/09)

- start corp finance class (29/10 – 22/11)

- corp finance exam (12/12)

I am making plans in my mind now to how I want to approach things after my final exam. New goals. New processes. I must take active steps to head towards where I want to be.

Thought about the work now, the people around me and what I am feeling about all that. I am disheartened in some ways.

When everything has hit a bottom, there is no other way out but up. And UP it will be for dearie and i!

crispy hotdog puff

our new tryout home made dish-crispy hotdog puff! yum yum!

it was so good dearie and i had 4 each. we made it ourselves..it was not bought off the shelf =)

we also had ayamas canned curry to go along..and it goes well with kampung koh too! =)

pensive day

Another pensive day at work. dearie talked me through and it made me consider my dreams vs the reality, the mundane and the exciting.

He is right, we don’t always get things to go the way we dream of them to. There are many things we enjoy and wish we could do, however reality doesn’t always move in line with all that.

When I was doing my acca many years back, my dream career upon graduation was to be a tax consultant. I enjoyed tax planning modules immensely. Tax planning is like a game of working within rules. It is making the most out of whatever tax regulations that are in place and getting them to work in favour of the business as much as possible.

Well, that was my dream almost a decade ago. Truth is, I never got to practice tax after I graduated. I did apply for tax assistant positions and I remembered getting an interview back then. I wasn’t offered the job as the interviewer asked me if I knew tax assistants do the most basic jobs like filling up Forms Cs.

As I ventured into the world of finance through my postgraduate studies, I find myself particularly drawn to analysis. In the most recent assignment, we were tasked with different time frames through the last 10 years. In the given time frame, we are to construct yield curves and study what might have caused the peaks and troughts..the spikes..etc. the period my team was tasked is between Jul 2001 to Jun 2002.

In the initial plotting of the yield curves by month, it seems pretty normal. Upward sloping. Some steepening, some flattening and that was pretty normal. Nothing interesting like a downward sloping curve..or even a flat curve to be wow-ing over. Nevertheless, after we went into the observing the events during this period, there was more that met the eye. Sept 11 2001 – terrorist attacks on the World trade centre. Late 2001 to 2002, collapse of Enron and Worldcom. I was going wow.. that was quite an eventful year! I read into how MAS adjusted Singapore monetary policies to cushion the impact of the weakening global economy. How did the ripple effect from US went into Eurozone, Japan and Asia. Which economies were hit hardest and why. Which were not that badly hit and why.

The macro overview of the global economy invigorated my mind; despite the reading of 6 100-page reports was a little head-spinning. =P

It made me draw some references into the present downturn. I’m keen to read into the magnitude of this downturn and compare it with the 2001 one. Certainly both are very much different in terms of cause. I would like to compare and contrasts the different approaches the governments had adopted in the 2 different downturns. What areas of the economy did it hit? The recovery process during then and now? Are there similarities to draw? How has the business landscape changed such that what may apply in 2001 be irrelevant now? After each downturn, how does an economy evolve?

I’m curious.. and I am interested to know more! =)

I began conjuring ideas of going into academics..but I think research does not seem easy at all. My big ideas and dreams feel constrained and stifled within the compounds of my workstation. There is a pasture of learning I want to be racing through!

A hit back to reality. I still have to go about the routine, and sometimes mundane, of what my job requires me to do. Until I find something better, I resign that I still have to use a binoculars to peer into the world out there. I hope one day I can walk out of this box and experience more first-hand.

I agree with dearie that I do have to take ownership of learning. I will certainly look into doing more reading during my month’s holiday after my portfolio exam till the start of next term. It is the process of getting me ready for my next job! One thing I want to learn at my fingertips is the FRS. I want to be able to rattle off FRS easily..so I don’t get bullied by the auditors. =P

Learning is the only way to expand my capacity. It will get me to where I want to be.

leaving on a jet plane

Dearie commented I haven’t updated my blog in a while. Have been occupied with holiday, assignments, preparation of exams, running, training and work.

I thought about how I can best write about the perth holiday and marathon but I found myself limited by my vocabulary and writing skills.

In brevity, traveling to perth widened our global perspective. it enabled us to compare and contrast with Singapore and Malaysia. We discussed about the way things are done there and here. Some things we adored about perth and some, not so well liked. One thing we had to battle with was the cold weather. When the gusts of wind blew, it felt like one big cold freezer which we could not get out of. Running in the cold was quite a struggle as my body shivered when the wind blew. My nose became stuffy and phlegm developed in my throat. Quite a discomfort on those parts..but the only nice thing about the cold weather is we don’t perspire as much. After completing the marathon, we were relatively dry. A stark contrast to the ahm we did earlier, when 21km of run left us drenched in perspiration.

i am thankful for Michael who allowed us to bunk in with him. He had been very accommodating throughout the entire trip. Thank you once again. I thought traveling with Isabel was fun as 3 of us (dearie, Isabel and myself) are similar in several ways. I think we scoured the aisles of Woolworths and coles numerous times, looking for bargain buys. I laughed when I recalled how we huddled along the street of subiaco, sharing a roast chicken and strawberries. we walloped 2 tubs of Yoplait yoghurt, several punnets of strawberries, cherry tomatoes, 3 roast chickens, subway foot longs, 3 raisin loaves, kit kat cookies and cream.. =)

we finally got to sit at the cafe and oversaw the bustle of perth city. sipping coffee and basking in the warm sunlight were things we seldom got to do.

All these are memories money cannot buy nor take away.

Coming back to ‘reality’..i’ve been ranting more these days to dearie about work..Despite of it all, we are pushing ourselves on because we believe there is more ahead for us.

School is easing out as assignments are coming to a wrap and I’m just left with one more exam in less than 2 weeks’ time. I did up the final summary for my part of the fis assignment and after 3 days of work, I’m pretty happy with it. Get the consolidation done, add more content and we are ready to hand in. this is much like a work between 2 team members out of a team of 3.

We have some finishing work to do on the portfolio assignment, which I reckon we can complete that in a day or two.

Revision of portfolio feels abit tattered. I am unsure what to expect..but I do need to do a lot of reading for sure. Targeting to finish all the given readings before the weekend. Will want to delve into other recommended material for more reading during the weekend, towards next week as well.

As I strolled to catch the bus this morning, I counted down to the end of the course again. 3 months. I am exactly 3 months away from my final paper. I am so close to getting to the next phase of my life.