dread

it is absolutely dreadful when it doesn't balance. argh.

and you must be realising, whenever i can't balance it, i will write a blog post. blah.

greens

it is nice to be back on MR trails again. i love trail running. too much park connectors!

my brain is working at snail speed now, trying to work my mummy's accounts and GST reporting.

i still have not found a good way to table my tasks. the long list of tasks is scrolling non-stop in my mind. i'm somewhat like mummy in this aspect.

can sunday don't pass so quickly?

on the rock

i was on a flight 2 weeks ago.

steward: what would you like to drink?
me: shiraz please.
steward: on the rock?
me: (since when do we drink wine on the rock?) oh well, why not?
steward: (hands me a glass of brown liquid which tasted more like whisky..and i thought to myself..this doesn't look anywhere like shiraz? i drank it anyway and it was good!)

when i got home i told dearie about it.

dearie: on the rock?? he must have heard CHIVAS..

me: oh ya.. it did taste alot like CHIVAS!

dearie: why must you say shiraz? you could have said red wine.

me: i thought shiraz sounded more class. =X (moreover, my neighbour on the opposite aisle asked for shiraz and got hers..and i clearly heard her say shiraz. oh well, so much for trying to be a copycat. my pronounciation must have sucked.)
 

dazed

totally jaded today. went out for a meeting in the morning at 10am, got home intending to work but felt tiredness overcome me and i climbed into bed at 1.30pm, only to wake up 3 hours later. wasted the good day in sleep, sigh.

it is one of those days things look a little gray and uninteresting.

telecommute

i have been going around and working from home since i got back from uk. it has been quite a fruitful week, hearing and seeing much. i am looking forward to sit in my office and work, feels more proper. our dining table has been doubling as my workstation. i managed to file away quite abit of the documents, half of them belongs to mummy. done the acra and eci filing. i am only left with gst and income tax.

i need a better way to list what i need to do, now it's all over the place, whenever i remember them, i'll scribble it on whatever i can find - smartphones, notebooks (a couple of them), scraps of paper. an attempt to remind myself of the outstanding, but i find most of the items repetitive over the different modes and most of the time, each mode contains something another mode doesn't.

it's a lazy saturday - we slept through the morning, catching up on rest we didn't get over the weekdays.

glitz

went through pages of glitz repeatedly, in an attempt to figure out how i can make the most out of the trip next month. honestly, i found no reason to splurge on a piece of sewn up leather for myself. definitely way more a good to have than a must have, do i even need it to begin with? (obviously NO)

relieved to finally get to the final week of work. really really relieved!

alright, i do deserve a coloured piece of leather for getting through this 1 month..and the leave i am encashing right? =D

899.4

i have been tormented by the $899.40 difference in my mummy's books. finally found it after matching line by line. this amount was made up of 4 lines. gosh!

now that it is found, i can now proceed to do the gst listing, asset listing, pass the depreciation entries. check my accruals. do whatever reclassification and close the books! yay!! this should be done by today.

complete the annual returns, tax and then it's done for the year.

jump

i jumped. struggled to the last moment before i hit the sent. i wanted to collect all the disgruntle and unhappiness.. as i handed it in, i realised it doesn't quite matter. it was not that has passed which mattered, it is what lies aheads which held more reason.

won't have come so far without family and friends. even in the midst of masked men, i found some who are real. it was assuring to hear from them, "i'm sad that you are leaving, but i know this is right for you."

i contemplated if i could live through the days with both eyes closed, it was pretty comfortable. yet, dearie reminded me, are you comfortable? you are unhappy. it hit me. was i in some kind of self-denial? haha

it is easy to be in a uncomfortable position but still fool your mind to think it IS comfortable. just like how i will talk to myself during a long run, that the end is near and i can hold on.

i'm glad i made the decision to jump. let's hope the parachute does open up during the drop, and that i'll glide through to another land!

better late than never

GST filing is done! yay! it is due on 31st and i only got it done tonight. i haven't got around to finish the accounts and close for the financial year.. there is still a list of documentation to do..plus more filing to do.

was busy doing so much formatting tonight. just glad to get the GST over and done with for now.

back to studies.

i am so glad i got a day's leave on friday!

more mugging

been swimming in questions. just doing tons of it to familiarise myself with the format of the questions.

yukie nishimura playing delectable music in my ears. it balances the stress that comes along with studies.

been glued to this website that sells beautiful dresses. i wish i can own most of them!! how do i stop??

going to get my new glasses later today. let's hope it helps ease my squinting.

i am going to take it up. no one knows what it may bring, but i will definitely put in my due effort to make it the best shot it can be. and after i get the exams done, there is a long list of things i want to get on to. i've got to prepare myself for the shot. if i can practise a thousand times to get the one shot right, i will.

mugging

have been making some effort to wake up earlier to study.

hang on hang on!

i should be taking on the plunge. strap on the parachute and jump. trusting i have packed the parachute well - it will spread out when i pull the line and i will be able to glide through instead of going free fall down.

attending a sap course later in the day.

this week is short due to the friday holiday.

it's good to get out of the office sometimes.

post exams plans

exams in 2 weeks' time. after exams, i want to:

1. go for a holiday with dearie
2. read more books
3. have more time and mood to play my neglected piano
4. go for photography lessons and put the D80 pa given us into good use
5. put in more effort to develop my career (for those who have given me advice on this recently, you know what i mean)
6. with point 5, to see if there is a need to continue on with the other 2 exams

hang in there, tricia.

baggage

i wonder what to lug along to work for the weeks to come. i have been bringing my writing paper to attempt my questions but despite carrying them to and fro, i never brought them out to use during office hours. impossible to write with a pen and paper on the train, nevertheless i try to do some questions using annotation on the tab.

i'm slowly getting some momentum. still can't finish the fixed income questions this weekend but at least i covered most of them. exam is drawing very near now and i've still got many many questions i want to cover.

i am making a mental note that i want to spend at least an hour or two every night, for the next 3 weeks, working on my questions. what helps is work isn't going very much anywhere these days, so it's easier to just brush work aside and focus on the exam which will add more value to myself.

i hope all these will work out for the better, despite the predicament at work.

comfort in music

i was trying to find comfort in the music that was playing in my ears. i tried some really loud thumping ones like "eye of the tiger" (like i'm getting ready for battle of sorts).. in the end i found what i needed was knowing there was someone greater in control, casting my cares on Jesus. I think i found peace listening this http://youtu.be/FlDUkp1Ts8A rather than the final countdown.

thank you for such beautiful music.

losing focus

i find myself losing focus of the upcoming exam due to the many things that is happening at work. it is certainly disturbing me, the uncertainty is making me wriggle like an ill-fitting bra.

can i totally shut myself out from the politics that others are fiddling with? it is because i was hoping to develop a career..rather than just hold a job, that's why i am affected. from the outlook now, i must adjust my mindset to accept that it will just be a JOB, there will never be a career that can be made out of this place.

i need to gain immunity. build a wall around myself. fill my time with other things which can add value to myself, beyond the work certainly.

drive and driven

after a few months of abstinence from books (not text books), i picked up this book after dearie showed me a short you tube video which presented an excerpt from dan pink.

i really like this book, so much that i want to own it. i've got it in pdf form now..and i won't mind re-reading it again if time permits.

a quick check on my progress in preparing for the exams in jun. i have completed all the reading. completed all the video lectures. the last 2 things i have on my checklist are to finish all the practise questions on both the study notes and question bank. attempt the mock exam.

the last 2 tasks will commence tomorrow!

i am well on time for my schedule today. another 30mins to my meteor documentary. i'll have to list out all the questions i need to attempt and keep a checklist on when i need to complete them by..and when i do complete them by. (i think this kind of checklists are very helpful in my course of exam preparation so far. it allows me to track my progress all the time.. and when i am able to complete the tasks set out, a sense of accomplishment.

and so, we do need tons of drive in our lives. and if u've read dan pink's book, such drive does not necessarily come from monetary rewards. for me, it's part of my continual pursuit to improve myself. the more i know, the more i realise there is so much i don't know. =)

the little buffalo

what do i miss most since embarking on studies?

reading (books. real books, not text books)

having the mood/time to play piano (the baby grand feels like a white elephant now)

watching mindless tv serials

dozing off over weekend without having to worry about studies i've set out to cover

went to mummy's to help her clear her wardrobe earlier. i got some good hand-me-downs! and the best find for the day is my mummy's 20yr old braun buffel handbag. after applying mink oil over it, i got it back to as-good-as-quite-new condition..all ready for use! only pity is it's a little small for a bring-rubbish-around person like me. nonetheless, i want to use it..because it represents everything mummy. it reminds me of those mornings i see mummy strut out of home early in the morning to go to work. my endearing mummy who means the world to me (plus dearie too, i know he'll be reading this!)

canine

i decided i will give away freely what i took pains to acquire. sometimes the more others want to pry things from us, the more we should give them away. perhaps, by giving away, we will in turn gain more. perhaps, by giving away, it will make them understand that giving the next person the fish does not equate to the person knowing how to fish.

it gave me chance to reinforce what i know. it also made me realise there is indeed a whole universe of things happening which i have little or no knowledge of. the pursuit to know more is endless.

learning to find answers will make us more informed individuals. the hunger for knowledge will make us stronger. i cannot teach another person how to be and stay hungry.

dearie reminds me about this important point, whenever i am down, whatever you learn is yours. where ever you go, you will bring it with you.

i often lament how selfish others are of the information they have, perhaps they think i am not of their level. i am only given drips and draps of the things i do. it's like getting 100 pieces of a 500 pieces puzzle and they would scoff at you to figure out the rest. well, if it's 100 pieces then so be it. i gathered the 100 pieces and i will slowly figure out the rest. even if it will take me a lot more time.

it reminded me of something mentioned in the bible in Matthew 15 (i am not trying to sound spiritual here but i feel i draw parallelism to it:

Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs.” “Yes, Lord,” she said, “but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

to put the whole passage in its context (in how i understand it), canaanites are like the villians who occupy the promised land which belongs to the israelites. and this woman came to Jesus, seeking help. Somehow Jesus told her that the right first belonged to Israelites. The woman did not give up and she begged. Jesus saw her faith, despite knowing she did not deserve anything, and healed her daughter.

I see myself as the canaanite, but i'm not begging. Not because i do not have faith, but because those i work for are no way near the likes of Jesus. There is no such thing as faith and healing at work. But i take no shame in gathering the crumbs that fall from the table, though it seems like i'm snooping around like some canine. i will try my best to move from table to table to gather the crumbs. tables here can be various sources. hopefully by sweeping up enough crumbs, i will gather enough to make it into a filling meal.

catch up game

this study endeavour has been a catch-up game. perhaps i have underestimated how much i can cover in 4 months' time. i seriously need MORE time.

talking through the situation at work with dearie certainly made the big picture crystal clear. at least for the next 12months or so, i'm going to steer clear of the gunfire. do a level-2 sharing. build up my fort.

at least keep my head clear in the midst of all the strange things going on. stay focused. 

my brain crashed

i spent my sunday doing the accounts for mummy. i thought this is the least i can help to lighten the burden on her, especially now that she is ill.

i have planned to catch up on my studies, but now it seems i am even more behind schedule. now at 10pm, after settling all the housework and accounts, i finally have time to start on studies. yet, my brain doesn't seem to want to work now. i am staring blankly on my screen, wondering what exactly i should be doing. video lectures? question bank? concept checkers? i am typing a blog entry now!

what do you do when you lag behind? i am seriously behind schedule and i am only left with 3 months. am i freaking out? somewhat.

how am i going to find time to catch up?

i need an anvil to fall on me now.