blood sucker insurers

i am furious about myself. i never realised what kind of crap i got myself into all these years until i received the policy coupon payout from aia.

i got this savings policy 5 years ago and it gave me so called the "flexibility" to draw down on the 5th and 10th year. draw down they call it. DON'T EVER draw down. and by the way, please note that policy 'bonus' is on face amount of the policy, not whatever you have put in. they will tell you the bonus is accumulated, but it is accumulated on a FIXED face value + accumulated bonus (at 1.85% p.a).

They are giving me a 'coupon' payment. excuse me, what coupon payment. this is face value drawdown.

Ok, next they say projected value at maturity date. no matter how i compute, i am not getting the value there. i called the customer service and they tell me system is down, they can't generate the illustration. i don't need an illustration. i want to know how in the world this projected value is computed. $12k projected return? where is it? i am still seeing 1.85% bonus on face value. i don't see a change in my face value, still that pathetic $5k.

i am going back to study the GE one tonight.

I hate myself for being so ignorant. for not knowing how to do my sums.

Please be very careful how insurance companies pump up their returns to attract you to buy in with them. nothing is guaranteed in this world. and what is worse about non-guaranteed things is i am tied to it for 2 decades. i rather park my money with equities. at least i have liquidity. i can sell it off in an open market any moment.

I am not paying insurance companies to take my money and use it for their own benefit. i am such a fool. but a fool no more. from this day onwards, insurance agents better back off from me.

scrooge with pork

i am such a scrooge. i scoured 5 locations within yew tee just to find discounted hair conditioner. conclusion: ntuc still offers the best buys within yew tee vicinity.

i am such a weird scrooge. i am looking at that $10 note in my wallet and wondering if i should spend it on lunch. i have only $0.50 loose change and i am hoping to keep my $10 around, as long as possible. hence, i made myself a mug of milo+instant cereal+sugar to keep my hunger away. pretty filling though. good change from the oily meals i've been having.

i just finished reading my fundamental analysis book. yayy! now onto the next! at least i am making progress now.

to end off the entry, just to share a cold joke between dearie and i. no offence to all world cup fans. or to prk and por fans in particular.

while watching the world cup match between portugal and north korea, i made a mindless joke. Portugal was abbreviated by 'POR' while north korea was abbreviated by 'PRK' (short for People's Republic of Korea).

me: "Waa bb, it's a match between PORK! we have PORK without the K (POR) against PORK without the O (PRK)."

dearie: "not funny.."

me: "orh.." (sulk)

quote of the day 22/06/10

" The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases with the acquisition of it" - Lawrence Sterne, 1760

i like this quote. it can't be more apt to what was on the top of my mind yesterday. we need to constantly thirst for more knowledge. the acquiring of new knowledge should fuel that thirst like a never ending cycle. =)

effective habits

All the best to dearie for his interview today. Hope it goes well..and hopefully this job will be something suitable. =)

3 more weeks to shm. That’s fast. Another 2 weekend of MR perhaps. Another 3 track workout. Race day.

I just remembered I am still holding on to alicia’s harry potter series and I’m stuck on the 4th book for a long long time. Oh man! How do I find discipline to do my reading? I still have 3.5more investment books plus 1 financial modeling book. I need to schedule my time so I find discipline to go through portions of them daily.

I am inspired by those who are making a lot of sense in the equity market. I need that hunger for more knowledge.

Felt abit out of the zone last few weeks. Was still looking at the board but didn’t know where to place our chips. Today the market is up. Our counters are faring pretty decent till now. Another hour to closing. Hope they hold up.

meantime, i need to remind myself.

1. read more. learn more.
2. save more.(save for investing. save for holiday!)
3. invest wisely.
4. work smart.
5. run hard.
6. eat healthy.
7. rest well.

thinklist

on the top of my head

1. i should develop my own fashion sense. right now it's all over the place. no character. boring.

2. i should not be eating so much. i am wolfing down alot of food these days. pretty clothes only look pretty on svelte bodies. but how to lose weight but not lose boobs?

3. holiday. i need a holiday in 2011.

4. need to save more. i should not be going to so many flea markets.

5. my reading has been slowing down. lazy lazy. 5 books on wait list. i need some discipline here.

6. should i start playing my piano again?

7. what about biking too? tag along with yenling?

how come i am so busy ah..so many things i want to do. or maybe i am just thinking too much.

vintage me?

i've been ogling at 'granny's day out' website. i love the vintage style i am seeing. but it seems to suit waif-like ladies better. i am short and chunky. i wonder how i would look in one of those flowy dresses.

i am dreaming of a whole wardrobe of vintage clothes. wowee. i think vintage has character. it is different and unique. and of course, it comes with pricier than those korean/taiwanese fashion.

been to the flea on sat at odeon. i am somewhat disappointed. apart from the necklace and earrings i bought for mum..i think i was hoping to find more..but not many things caught my attention. i only walked out with a $5 top and a pair of pretty earrings.

perhaps i should save my money up for my holiday in 2011. i think it will be more interesting to buy clothes from overseas.

birthday celebration for mum and dad was alot of eating. a-la-carte buffet at hosin jap restaurant and cake from emicakes. i am still bloated. it's a 1-meal day for us. -rubs her big rummy tum tum-

did 2 loops at macrit, with timing unexpectedly better than last week's. i think the finisher medal is slightly closer to reach now. i'm not expecting to do a sub-2. i will be happy to do a 2.12? (considering 6min pace).

i'm glad we are a part of safra running community. we have moved out of 2 other running groups and to train alone can be really boring at times. at least we now have a group to run with..and we are given adination cards to fill up. it's some reward scheme by adidas, which rewards runners that turn out for safra runs. collect x number of chops and u can collect freebies like shoe bags, water bottles. feel very aunty-ish..but it's another incentive to turn up for the runs regularly. i think we have a few friends at safra we can count upon. =)

work week starts tomorrow, again. we are getting closer to shm! can't wait to eat my hakka mee and lou su fen. haehaheea..how am i going to lose weight if i am going to eat like that. see la, how to go vintage, if i am looking like michelin mascot?

flea me

i am starting to enjoy flea markets. =) time to get some good and interesting buys!

this is happening on saturday. i already booked dearie's time to go down for it! yay! flea me!!

accomplished & growing

Feeling accomplished. I've completed the tax computation for mummy and all I need is for her to sign off and we can mail it in to iras. I enjoy doing tax computation, though it is really simple for mum's company in this case. Compiling the tax schedules, computing wear & tear, going through deductible and non-deductible expenses and income. My school days ambition was to become a tax consultant. The closest I've come to this ambition is now - filing tax for mummy. I still try to read the tax updates, look at budget tax concessions; keeping myself abreast to tax changes. I'm not hoping to become a tax consultant anytime soon, but I think tax is one important component in any business.


I've also set up the spreadsheet for mummy to keep her ledger on. It is linked to a tb, p&l and bs so that makes things alot easier. The only manual thing is to type the ledger and journal entries in. I actually tapped into the template amy has set up for one of our subsidiaries, of which books were not maintained within navision. I think it will make things alot easier for mummy, as she won't have to tediously handwrite the entries on ledger cards. It will make referencing a whole lot easier. Will need to go through the template with her this weekend. =)

I managed to close May's accounts pretty smoothly. I got the conso report out in 2 half-days. I also compiled the Jun costing forecast for review. Next up is to do a study on some significant expenses and also to compile the SOP. Want to get these out of the way before quarter reporting next month.

I am 3 days shy to my 5th month with the company. Looking in retrospect, i think i have grown and developed over these months. I am thankful for all the encouragement family and friends have given me during the first few difficult months. Family members who have listened to my endless rants, friends who have left comments to cheer me on. Though i cannot celebrate that I have 'graduated' in this position, but I think i give thanks that i made some progress at least. Each step I take brings me one step closer to that finishing point.

I used to think why am i given so much more to do; often things beyond my scope. I realised it is my honour that the management trusts me enough to hand those tasks to me. These are opportunities I can prove that I am capable to do over and beyond what an accountant is required to do. It's just a matter of perspective, isn't it? I can't help lamenting at times, but i am learning to take things into stride. Like Friedrich Nietzsche said, "If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger".

pain, movie, birthday wishes

We went to the tcm located at paya lebar road on Saturday. The treatment, which lasted less than 15mins, was excruciatingly painful. First the old lady doctor jabbed needles into my wrist. She made at least 7-8 needle holes with needles. My injured wrist jolted in pain, and that was just the start to it. She then used a suction cup, linked to a motor operated pipe. She placed the cup over the jabbed wrist and started sucking blood out. I could see my flesh popping up with the vacuum and blood oozed out of those needle holes. She did that for almost 10times and even left one to suck for a couple of minutes, while she talked to her assistant. I almost wanted to call out to her and asked if she forgot I was still lying there in pain.

After the sucking, my wrist swelled into one big blue-black lump. =( all that hit my pain threshold on a 7 out of 10. guess what she did next? She used her 2 thumbs and rubbed the swell down! Damn??! That was on the pain threshold of almost 9. I was in so much pain and agony. Pain. Pain. Pain. She then wrapped my wrist in gauze and that was the treatment. She then went on to tell me patients with similar injury usually recover after this. I think they won’t dare to come back even if they haven’t recovered. Haha. But I do hope it works..then the pain will be worth it. it’s Monday now and my bruised wrist is still painful to lateral movement.

Dearie gave mummy, dad and I a lift to my grandma’s place. I haven’t seen her in a long while. It was really good to pay her a visit. It made my heart ached a little, because I saw her getting up to see us off..and there was so much reluctance on her face. She just wanted a little of our time. Our presence made her very happy. She ate all the food we brought her. i hope we can make time to visit her more often. Sometimes with the busy-ness in our daily lives, we forget these important people around us.

We did our 2 loops at MR on Sunday. My legs were aching after 1 loop but I knew these 2 loops were important to the training. It can be so easy to just stop and give up, but it is persistence that requires more strength. I reminded myself that dearie has already started running his 2nd and I would definitely feel sore if he completed his 2 loops while I succumbed to laziness and stopped at 1. That pushed me on. Timing was not impressive but the completion was more important. With 4 more weeks to shm, these 2 loops made me feel more prepared. Now that I know I can finish the distance, it’s down to how fast I can finish. My target is to get 1 of the 30 medals. Shm will only be giving finisher medals to the first 30 lady runners who come in. i am aiming to get one of it.

We watched an interesting movie called “the Japanese wife” on Sunday. Bitter sweet story. somewhat impossible to happen..but life is about impossibles sometimes, isn’t it?

I am enjoying my weekends more these days..that I find them too short at times. A good weekend to me consist of:
- it has to be spent with dearie
- we spend time with my mummy. Have dinner with parents.
- we go for our runs, be it on our own or with safra
- we spend time resting. After the long run, we take a nice nap.
- we catch 1-2 home movies.

Oh yes, today is ma’s birthday. Wishing her a happy and blessed birthday! =D

easiest-hardest

I kept thinking about this phrase dearie said this morning.

“sometimes the easiest things become the hardest to do.”

He was commenting in relation to my attempts to achieve decent half-boiled eggs. So far they have come out either too cooked or too raw.

Getting the egg thawed at room temperature. Getting the right amount of heat with the right amount of time. Ensuring it has time to cool down and set into nice gooey form. Half boiled eggs should be easy to make..but for me, it is turning out to be a challenge instead.

I relate some parallelism with human relationships. They say the people who are closest to us are often more easily taken for granted.

I never missed my mum so much after I moved out to my own place. On the first night we stayed in our new flat, I cried because I missed seeing my mum. I called her to listen to her voice that night. Having stayed with my mum for 26 years I never thought too much about her presence. It was only when I moved away from seeing her, my heart ached. Somehow there is a space mum always filled, oblivious till she disappeared.

They say we tend to say the most hurtful words to those who are closest to us. I think it’s because we take it for granted that those loved ones will not mind what we said and that they will stick around no matter what. We don’t fear losing them, hence we don’t think twice about how our words or actions will impact them. That’s selfish. Because I don’t think you will outrightly criticize your boyfriend/girlfriend/potential date. So why should you do so to your own family/loved ones?

We remember to wish our friends the best and tell them how they will be missed. How about our own family? Have you stopped to tell your mother how much you appreciated all that she has done? Or just to remember how she gave us life? Or just for that simple yet delicious meal she took time to make for us?

Well, sometimes the easiest things become the hardest to do.

lazy bug go away

I hit a new high post-tokyo weekly mileage. 59kms. It could have been close to 70km if not for our MR run which was cut short due to the heavy rain.

Haven’t ran at MR for a long while since the hamstring injury and being back at it again feels refreshing. The air was good. The slopes were challenging as ever. We will be back to complete the 2 loops this Sunday.

Things at work have slowed down somewhat. The required reports are getting more complicated, which requires a lot of input from operational staff. Getting them to respond and do up forecast is daunting. I sent out the request for figures last week and requested the replies to be in by Friday. I’m more than half way through Monday and I have only received one respond. How am I going to get things moving when others are not contributing the required? I’ve been waiting for the manpower figures for 2 weeks and I am still not hearing anything from hr.

I feel frustrated because I am not able to make people move, even when it’s by orders from the director. I am just a small time accountant. So what can I do?

I thought the weekend was pretty rested. We spent a lot of time sleeping and I lazed so much that I didn’t get around doing work I planned to. i do have to get around quite a few things pretty soon.

Got to kick that lazy buggy. Get things going!!!!

I've got to do the tax filing for mummy. Read my books. Do some analysis of counters we're eyeing. (Ok..of all things i need to do..at least our training programme towards SHM is making some progress =D)

running wild

Dearie left early for KL this morning. It felt weird lying in bed without him around. His perfume lingered in the room; I shut the windows so I can keep the scent in. it made me smile.

The long weekend was full of pigging out and it made me feel almost like a..pig. food galore, I just stuffed myself full. I felt a lot heavier trying to run yesterday. Time to burn those fats off.

We’ve sent out the entry forms for seremban in july. That’s something to train towards. Though I am not aiming to do as well as last year, I hope I can prepare myself better for it. hence it will be a lot of macrit for us in the coming 6 weeks.

I received an additional allowance on top of the pay increment. I am thankful for it as having more around means I get to save more. I overspent last month as i spent all my pay increment on an early birthday present for mum. I am aiming to get dearie a good present so I hope my equities will rise in time for me to cash in on it. alternatively, I’m going to save enough this month for it.

Work is getting more challenging, with the director asking for more complex reports. today I am feeling better than yesterday. I am going to work on the reports required today. Start early, work swiftly and then leave on time to get to safra for my run.

That’s something to look forward to. =) time to start work now!

on holiday high

i woke up this morning 545am, thinking it was 645am. i quickly vacuumed and mopped the floor, rushing to finish by 705am so that i could shower for work.

when i pulled my mop out, i realised, hey..why is the sky still so dark. chey. it was 6am, not 7am.

that was silly. now at 650am (the correct time) and i am typing this entry before i get ready for work.

nice. our home is a little cleaner now, before we go back home to segamat for the long weekend.

attempted to make half boil eggs(2nd day attempt) for dearie but ended cracking it when i popped it into the pot. gosh. when am i going to get this right.

i'm all packed for home. packed for training. packed for work.

high on caffeine now.

safra training tonight. yay! running feels fun again, now that we are with safra.

half day work. half day meeting. safra run. go home. sleep a couple of hours. and it's home to family and alot alot of good food. yayyyy!! high on holiday!

beef noodles

When I was young, my parents would bring us to this beef noodles stall at beach road, fortnightly.

Because we did this so often, I can almost remember the sight, smell and taste of the beef noodles till this day.

The gravy was thick, gooey and dark in color. There were generous servings of beef in each bowl. There was a lot of crunch with the bean sprouts in them.

It looks nearly similar to the one in the photo here.

I’m not sure why, but I suddenly missed the beef noodles I savoured as a child. Maybe I miss being a young girl and how I eagerly waited for my parents to order that bowl of beef noodles for me.

Strangely, I stopped eating beef some years ago. Probably I felt eating beef is fattening and doesn’t help in my diet. I have this thought stuck on the top of my head that beef is hard to digest. Food that is hard to digest will stick onto my body as an extra piece of flesh.

People change with time. Preferences change. But family doesn’t change. =)

climbing coconut tree

I like the post on yahoo that highlighted the guidelines nwc recommended on sustainable wages.

Quoting from yahoo news: “The National Wages Council (NWC) is recommending companies to award sustainable wage increases to employees, taking into account their performance and prospects.”

Scrolling downwards you will find a whole list of comments posted by the public.

Remuneration is a weird thing. I never understand how management places a value on skills and qualification. It differs from company to company, industry to industry.

There will always be a wage disparity. People who can afford 7series BMWs while others cram on public transport.

Having a chance to understand business situation from the management in my company, one issue that plagues the company is manpower/wages. If the company is doing fantastic, the company may not hesitate as much to rewards its staff. However, if the company’s survival falls into the doldrums, then paying as much will only add to the financial burden on the company. But if the company doesn’t pay, people leave and it is hard to hire replacement.

People always compare. Like I will compare my package with my friends’. Wow. Variable bonus of x months. Wow allowances of $X00.

Who doesn’t want more? But what makes us worthy to have more?

So while I wish I could earn more, I also understand the get more means I must have the necessary skill set and experience to command that. If I am going to stay the same, refuse to learn and take up more, I certainly don’t think the management will find it justifiable to pay me more. While we lament why pay has stayed relatively the same for years, maybe it’s also time we examined if we have made much effort to move ourselves one step ahead to deserve more.

It’s a weird thing to see in the economy. While some lament they struggle to pay off the loans of their hdb, I see a long queue going into lv boutique. I see more bmws on the road than a decade ago. Perhaps the crux is the distribution of income. Wage disparity? Rich are getting richer. Poor are getting poorer. How to tip the balance over? We see exponential increase in taxes on higher income earners. But we don’t see very significant balancing.

Life is never fair, that’s the universal truth.

For dearie and I, we live by simple principles. Live within our means. Keep improving and moving forward. Keep learning. Save more. And treasure the time we have with our loved ones.

I like to envisage myself underneath a tall coconut tree. People are looking and pointing at the coconuts saying, “waaa..coconut. weather so hot. Can drink one so shiok.” Sure, I will like to enjoy a nice coconut drink too. But instead of looking and pointing, I want to start climbing up the tree. I believe, slowly, I will get to it. =)

staying awake

The pay adjustment came as a surprise, which I am thankful for.

Our equities are slowly picking up again, after going down into a trough. Let’s hope the rise is sustainable.

Christin will be heading off to Japan next month and I am green with envy. I miss Japan and will love to go for a holiday somewhere. My only consolation is the upcoming long weekend, during which we will make a trip home to Segamat.

We’re experimenting with mixing morning runs with safra evening runs, alternating days. Sounds weird. Feels weird. I wonder if our bodies can handle that. We laid off running in the morning last week (we were feeling tired to wake up early)..but started the routine today again.

I was fresh this morning, but somehow started to feel sleepy by noon. I succumbed to making a 2nd cup of coffee for the day. I’m sipping it while writing this entry. I know it’ll make sleeping difficult tonight but I’m just slipping into this standby mode if I don’t get my caffeine shot.

We’ll make our way home to Segamat on Fri morning, so we’ll still get to join safra on Thursday evening. There is no training on Sunday as many runners will be down at sundown. Good for us, coz it means we won’t be missing training with them. Meantime, we can still do our own long run at home =)

I find a lot of joy joining safra. Last Sunday, I was the only lady among 9 other guy runners. They were really patient, waited for me and so I never felt left behind.

i wonder if I was dreaming but as I ran this morning, I felt my strides get a little lighter. Haven’t felt like that in a long while.

Think I should get dearie to do some static exercises tonight. Chia reminded us all the static exercises we used to be grilled to do. They do make us stronger runners.

I still have 2 things on my list to work on. Analyzing the gp report and segregating the costing report. Closing will only take place next week, so I can still find some pockets of time to lay back and plan a little for the week.

We are still contemplating if we should join scsm. The only pull factor is that most, if not all, safra runners will be joining this event. Training with them towards this race seems the most natural thing to do.

But I’m more inclined to do overseas races, to be honest. I thought my money is better spent on a different experience. Even racing in Malaysia will be nicer than doing a local race which will bring me through familiar routes. Gee, I’m torn.

Seremban half will be nice to do but I’m not reading much about it yet. The Star covered it today on its online news. I reckon registration should commence soon.

I’m not seeing much of others we can join. Newton run at KL in sept? don’t see myself picking up biking anytime soon, so duathlons are still not within consideration. Penang marathon? But it seems not fantastic from what dearie experienced last year. Hmm. Will discuss with dearie on this soon, so we can plan training towards the races.

Want to plan for holiday next year too. I so need one. Taiwan. Korea. Japan. Anywhere.

This post is so haphazard. my thoughts are simply random. i guess you will understand it, somehow.

pant pant

run with safra jurong yesterday was good, although there were just 7 of us. i haven't ran a fast 9km for a long while. my 8km runs at the park connectors are more than often leisure ones.

i panted hard near the end and i could feel myself struggled down the last 800m or so. it was an uncomfortable feeling, but strangely, i actually liked that. i missed having that feeling in fact. the last time i experienced it was during the days with mileage.

the ice cold drinks provided was a pleasant surprise. the night was so humid and i gulped down a few cups of drinks. the hot shower was another good thing we had too. we met with 3 other runners and went for dinner near pioneer mrt. it was simply fun chatting with them and one of them offered us a ride home. thank u, eng hua(if i never spell your name wrong).

i felt satisfied from the run. it was like a push for me to get my inertia for running again. nice people really made the process easier. and for now, we will try our best to settle into the new running group.

today's friday and i feel pretty laid back. my 2 staff are on leave and i'm pretty much on my own. looking forward to a nice rest over the weekend..and long run on sunday with the running group again! =D

thorns

there are bound to be irksome people in every company. i have learnt the fine skill of blocking tai-chis. don't think you can always push work, which is rightfully yours, to my department.

i'm thankful i have staff who stand with me, united. at least when we block, we block it together. don't come and try walk all over us. i will deal with things at my level, because i won't stoop low to try and make u look bad in front of our bosses. I want to let time be the judge for abilities.

i overlooked on a fine detail to the signing of the legal documents. i felt my face hit right smack on the wall. i hope my boss doesn't deduct my pay for the extra we might have to fork out to get the lawyer come another time. =(

dark rain clouds loom the sky (again?!). seems like chances to run tonight will be slim. backup plan: skipping and play wii.

gee. the whole day feels so gray, like the sky outside.

the sky's playing a joke on us

the weather has been like a wailing baby. it cries once in the morning and once in the evening.

we travelled down to boon lay yesterday, only to find the place raining. we made a u-turn back home and the sky started to clear. upon reaching yew tee, there was not a single drop of rain in sight.

this morning we woke up at 5-ish and got into our running gear. grabbed a few biscuits and headed out. plitter platter. the rain started to fall again. again, for a second time, we retreated home, vowing we will have to catch up on our mileage this evening.

after breaking my 50k weekly mileage mark last week, i'm going to do badly this week. with mon, tues and wed morning gone due to rain, my 50k mark is falling beyond reach.

i hate the rain. it spoils my plans and makes me grumpy. and i hate how it makes my leather shoes all soggy.

will the sky stop playing jokes on us?

treading with fear

Expectations at work have been scaling. More is required. More work is given. Responsibilities have increased significantly too. I feel somewhat lost because I don’t know where to start.

Help to check and balance the operations? Taking control? Am I in a position to do so? I am but a mere accountant. I am probably just that little dwarf behind the FC. Probably the director meant the fc should be taking more charge. I am merely an assistant. But from the kind of workload she already has, her plate is nearly full. I just feel inadequate to execute those tasks that were discussed in the quarter review yesterday.

I feel somewhat overwhelmed and fearful. Dearie tells me to take one task at a time. Each task feels big. It’s like hugging a big tree whose trunk I can’t wrap my arms fully over.

Big tasks present big opportunities. However, are these big hats too big for my head?

I cast a lot of doubts on myself. I still can’t frame myself beyond the accountant’s scope. I have barely scaled the hill and I am told I have to climb a mountain. Yet I know well, if I took the challenge and made a good climb, I might reach the summit of the mountain..and what lies ahead could be better than what I have bargained for.

Yet for now, I am still struggling with myself. How do I keep up? I am fearful of taking a wrong step and end up in the deep end of the pool.